Respite Care

No,I don't think we have that option at such a late notice.

We are going to the beach this weekend. My mom said she'd keep baby N rather than bringing him out in the sun. I don't think anyone other than foster parents can keep him overnight? Anyway, L put in a call to CW to find out if this would be ok, but her last day is tomorrow, so will her opinion even matter since she won't even be working there anymore if we run into issues this weekend?

I don't know if I could go 2 days without my baby N. SY is coming to, so it's not like it's a romantic getaway. Due to lack of planning, we will probably staying at L's aunts house, approximately 1 hour from Gulf Shores.

Assuming his cw gives us the choice, what should we do?

Bring Baby N?

Leave him at Nanna's house?

Bug Bites and Driver's Education. . .

Ok, let's start with baby N first. I ask this advice mostly of foster parents, but anyone who has any advice, please post it.

Baby N is covered in bug bites, most likely mosquito bites. Every time I take him out(to the store, doctor, etc.), he comes home with at least 6 new mosquito bites. I think he's allergic because they don't just form a bump and disppear, they get big and ugly!

I know damn well there are no bugs or fleas in our house, except the flew mosquitos who sneak in at night if we have to open the door. I have been putting antibiotic cream on them.

I just know if they don't go away by next visit bio mom will raise a stink! It doesn't matter than her home has a snake, bird, several cats and poop all over the floor from her zoo in her house, she will bitch, hoping she will get him back by trying to accuse us of having bugs in our house. Baby N is the ONLY one getting bit, so it HAS to be from going outside. I have slept in his room several nights and have not got bitten.

L is calling the worker so she will be prepared for biomom to raise hell. Should I start having an exterminator come regularly to spray and inspect vouching our house is bug free? Am I worrying too much?

Next issue...Driver's Education, so shift your minds from babies to teenagers.

SY would like to take driver's Ed. I would love to let her do something like this her idiot father would probably not allow. Of course, it will be out of our pockets, because I'm not asking her father for more money, because then he will say something to piss L off and she will be on a plane home.

The problem is, she has NEVER been behind the wheel of a car. The most she has done is turn on the ignition to play with the radio at home. She's old enough to take it, and the agency allows it, as long as she only drive's the school's car.

Should I let her take driver's ed, or do you think she could kill someone if she got on the highway? Should I call the instructor and get his opinion? She will not be here long enough to be allowed to take her permit home, so the course will be strictly for her enjoyment.

Any lawyers out there? Can they sue me if she wrecks and causes damages? I do not have legal guardianship of her, her agency does. Would I be free of potential liablity since the school will have insurance?

I would really like her to be able to learn to drive and enjoy her time here since it seems like she will be staying.

Any suggestions?

Sleep

God does provide.

I got some sleep last night. I only had to get up a few times last night to tend to baby N and it only consisted of turning on music and rubbing his belly. Of course, I did buy him some more teething tablets, so it appears he is teething again. He still gave me hell all evening, but once he went to bed, I got some peace.

A little secret...I purchased some no doze. I wasn't sure how long this phase of no sleep would last and I made a couple of big boo boos at work yesterday. Let's hope I won't need it.

You Read My Mind.

Apparenty Tertia is feeling my pain with her baby not sleeping through the night. I feel for her much more. She has twins, and I only have one baby that won't sleep. She received tons of comments and suggestions, but my situation is a little unique...

Baby N has figured out that when he has a tantrum, I try to let him cry it out and he usually drifts off to sleep.

Since crying doesn't get him held all the time he threw me a curveball...

He will scream until he makes himself throw up...then he gets picked up.

Having no palette it is not good for him to throw up...

What should I do besides giving him his way(he is fed and dry when he does this, it's just wanting to be held all the time)?

Please help, before baby N drives L nuts, and then both L and baby N drive me nuts!

Where do I start?

Hurricane--we dodged the bullet on that one.

Baby N Milestone--he slept his first ful night in his own bed, in his own room, by himself. Well, he didn't technically sleep much, but he did spend the entire night in his room last night!

SY update--apparantly she decided to sneak on the computer while we were at my mom's house, because I got on my sister's computer and it was in Korean. L got pissed, had a talk with her, and come to find out her little brother is being a little shit, spying on her when she is on the internet and ratting her out to her father, who is also being a pain in the ass.

Her coordinator told her no computer the entire remainder of her stay and 1 phone call a month. We decided for her to not contact her father or ask him to send money. So, for the next 4 months, we have an adopted daughter or young roomate however you look at it.

Do you know she left on a plane to come here January 1 and on Dec 31 she had a full day of school. Her mom was gonna take her around the city the evening before she left, but her brother reminded her father that she had academy that night(which is basically another school). That asshole made his daughter go to academy that night, until 10:30pm, the night before she would be leaving and he would not see her for an entire year!!

And people like that can produce children easily...

While I love him to death, baby N has been a lil' shit too lately. He must be teething again. He is spoiled the arm to the point that he will throw a tantrum so bad he will make himself throw up(because he knows this will get him picked up)! He did this twice yesterday. Not that I don't love holding him, but with L still sick, I'm pretty much on my own taking care of him, and L, and the teenager living with me. When can I shower? eat? What can you do to stop this and his age? Nurse C said you pretty much just have to give him his way for safety reasons obviously.

And they think my baby will have mental delays....He sounds pretty smart to me.

4 Hours

Of sleep last night...

Baby N slept in his crib in his room by himself

The amount of hours I have to work today

Pray my coworkers show up today and I don't get screwed out my my half day having to cover their jobs.

I need to get the hell out of town...badly!

Baby Please Go to Sleep

That's what I sobbed quietly in the extra bed in baby N's room last night when he woke up at:

12:00
12:30
1:00
1:30
2:30
3:30
4:30
5:00

Woke up crying of course. Usually all it takes to get him back to sleep is to turn on his music and rub his belly a little. Not last night though. I held firm and did not pick him up. He already has armitis, and I surely don't need him to think he can be held all night too.

People warn you about sleep deprivation when you have a baby, but you never REALLY believe them until you have your own.

3 Things

I was tagged by Tamara to write the following 3 things post for baby N. It was kinda fun:

3 Things That Scare Me
The big ass snake that lives with my bio mommy
Those doctors who keep playing with my mouth
All these strangers that come to my house.

3 People That Make Me Laugh
Mommy
Daddy
Nanna


3 Things I Love
My exersaucer
Pulling out my feeding tube while mommy is feeding me
watching the ceiling fan spin


3 Things I Hate
When there are 2 or more people in my house and no one picks me up
Being put to bed
Waking up early


3 Things I Don’t Understand
Why mommy fusses when I play with my feeding tube
Why the cat hauls ass in the other direction when he sees me
why mommy can't hold me all the time


3 Things On My Highchair

I can't eat yet, but I'll be sure to leave mommy many surprises in my highchair when I can.


3 Things I’m Doing Right Now
Playing in my exersaucer
Crying to be picked up
Laughing at the ceiling fan


3 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
EAT FOOD IN MY MOUTH
walk
Get adopted by my new mommy and daddy


3 Things I Can Do
Stand up when mommy holds my hands
Roll all over the floor
Laugh and play with my tongue


3 Things I Can't Do
sit up
crawl
eat by mouth

3 Ways to Describe My Personality
silly
cranky
goofy


3 Things I Think You Should Listen To
My music thing on my pack n' play mommy presses to put me to sleep
Me farting(I'm not bashful, and I can really rip them out!)
My "uhhhh" noise I make after sneezing

3 Things I Think You Should Never Listen To
The noise my breathing machine makes
That mean doctor in New Orleans saying he wouldn't fix my lip if he thought I would die in a few years
Everyone telling mommy she will get pregnant now that she is adopting me.

3 Absolute Favorite Foods

I'll tell you when I can eat. I do love the apple juice mommy gives me sometimes.


3 Things I’d Like to Learn
How to walk
How to sit up
How to crawl

3 Beverages I Drink Regulary
Nutramigen(I have expensive taste)
Apple juice(when I can shallow it without coughing


3 Shows I Watch

Whatever is on LPB. Nurse C keeps the tv on that channel during the day, except she doesn't let me watch teletubbies.

What Does a Cleft Lip and Palette Look Like?

Here is an extreme close up from baby N's grinning pic I emailed to some of you. Although the lip is obvious in all of baby N's pics, the cleft palette is pretty visible here. This will be his, "before surgery" pic. I may remove it in a couple days, although, I doubt anyone could recognize him. If you want to see the whole picture, and I know you, send me an email.



Anyway, today was another visit for bio mom and she still cannot properly feed him. The new visit schedule came in the mail and it looks like some visits have been cut in preparation for possible TPR. She asked nurse C if she'd continue to work with baby N after she got him back.

No comment on that one.

Anyway, the boyfriend lost his job so they are planning to move to the next town over from us (about 5 minutes away). I've been trying to convince L to move to the Baton Rouge area, with little luck, until he heard this news.

Maybe that's my ticket out of this hellhole.

Speaking of hellhole, this morning before work I had started a post about tired of living in this hellhole and in walks the owner's son. I hope I minimized quick enough(although I wasn't on duty yet). I really shouldn't blog at work, but sometimes work is the reason I need to blog.

Oh, baby N's new worker gave her two week notice, so we will again get another worker for baby N. She got a job teaching at the school his other worker left to work at. If it wasn't junior high, I'd ask them for a job there.

So, who is driving these workers away..bio mom? us?...I know it can't be baby N!

Digging Her Grave

Well, can't go into more detail, but that's what baby N's bio mom is doing. Her latest stunt may result in her not getting a ride to baby N's surgery.

As much as we want to adopt the kids in our care, we also do hope their parents can change their lives. I remember crying in the car after last weeks doctor visit feeling sad for baby N's mom. I know she made her choices and I shouldn't feel bad for her, but I do. When I see this happy lil' one full of energy and I see what she is missing out on, I have to cry for her. I guess I'm just human.

I can't wait til TPR and adoption. I can't wait to post pictures of my little squirt grinning ear to ear. Hopefully soon.

I guess all we can do is give our foster kids as much love as possible while we have them and pray for their parents to either stop having children or to start taking care of them.

Game Over

Yesterday afternoon, AF beat my door down and came in, so this cycle ends in a loss again.

I just thank God I have L and baby N and do not have to suffer alone.

Disappointed, yes, but no tears.

I know some of you are probably thinking, "why be upset, you have baby N."

Yes, I have baby N. I love him dearly. He would have never came into my life and probably got lost in the system if I were not infertile. I think after TPR, knowing he will definately be mom, a lot of the pain will go away, because I know I will be a mommy no matter what.

I haven't accepted the fact that I may never get pregnant yet. I still hope and pray. What I do know, or think I know, is that God WILL give me children, but it will be according to His plan, not mine.

A perfect example of how God is in control: Remember this.

What was I thinking! Then God set me straight here

It was then, I was pretty confident that I would someday be baby N's mommy.

Thinking back to my "lesson", I know there is a reason I'm not pregnant now:

-maybe it's God's way of sparing me labor pains and morning sickness.

-maybe God has more babies he wants me to care for(or parent) whose parents cannot.

-maybe he doesn't want me pregnant now, because baby N has at least 3 major surgeries and knows another baby would be too much right now.

-maybe he wants to humor me and wait until I adopt a few kids first.

I will never know the reason, but I know one of my greatest gifts resulting from infertility is baby N!

Yes, I get tired when he keeps me up all night, but when I pick him up and his head goes on my shoulder and arms around my neck, it's all worth it!

More than anything, infertility has given me a greater respect for life. When baby N gives me fits, I know I am VERY blessed to have a little one to drive me crazy!

Out Of My Hands

All of my life, I have gone after my dreams.

When I wanted something, I went after it with full force, putting every bit of energy into achieving my goal.

Sometimes I failed.

What do I do? Try again, with even more sweat and effort, hoping my dedication would be seen and rewarded.

Eventually it was.

Infertility is different.

I'm not talking about family building now, because I have faith that I will have children, even if I don't give birth. I am talking about getting pregnant and giving birth to a live, healthy baby.

With infertility, my efforts are not rewarded. No amount of hard work, time, dedication, or money will guarantee that I get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby. I have NO control of the situation, and that, I think is one of the hardest parts about infertility.

I notice a lot of my blogs I read feel the same way. Most of them have strong work ethics and made things happen in their lives...

until infertility came along.

Even as I hope to adopt baby N, I have very little control over the situation:

-the love I give him will not guarantee he will be freed for adoption.
-Getting his medical needs met, will not mean I get to keep him.
-Staying up with him at night will not give me the right to be his mommy.

All these things will do is show the state that I would be a good adoptive home for baby N should he become freed for adoption.

I am a perfectionist. I go after what I want.

With infertility...it's completely out of my hands.

I just have to keep faith that it's in God's hands.

Hope Has Left the Building

And I hear AF pulling into my driveway.

I guess I'll never know what it's like to be pregnant and give birth.

Yes, I'm adopting, but it doesn't take away the pain of fertility loss.

Finally!

Well, we have a surgery date!

September 22!!

After this, my baby will look like all the other babies and will no longer be stared at in public, except to notice how cute he is.

1. Surgery 1: Repair cleft lip. 1-1/2 hours, outpatient, so no worrying about bio mom wanting to spend the night in the hospital with him.

2. Allow 3 months to heal.

3. Surgery 2: Palette repair. Approximately 2 hours with baby N staying overnight for one night.

4. Possible 3rd surgery, depending on how things go.

5. Then it will be time to schedule surgery for his hypospadia repair.

6. Speech Therapy and learn how to eat.

7. Oral surgery for gums and teeth.

In the meantime, early steps will be coming to the house soon to help with his development(sitting, crawling,etc.)

Bio mom didn't arrive until we were packing baby N into the car to leave. I took him back out, let her snuggle with him a little while, then had her follow me back into the office to sign a release for surgery. I am not going through the hassle I went through with the ear tubes. I thought the transportation worker caught traffic but she told me his mom wasn't ready when she got there to pick him up. Baby N' s mom was actually dressed very nice. I wish she would have arrived on time, because I could have taken some nice pictures for baby N.

I still feel very sad for bio mom, to the point my eyes were teary in the car. I know she loves him, and it's so sad that she cannot take care of him. At the same time, sometimes I feel like I am taking her baby. I know the state took him, but sometimes I feel bad that I'm doing what she should be doing. I know it sounds strange.

Saved By My Mother!

So, I go along thinking baby N's appointment with the new plastic surgeon is at 1pm tomorrow. I think, I'll leave at 9, get there at 11, show off baby N to both of my parents' coworkers, go to the doctor, then go home.

Something made my mom call the doctor's office...The appointment is at 9AM!! OCS knew it was at 9 too. There must have been some confusion with L and all the appointments he had to make.

Since the appointment is so early, Baby N and I will leave tonight and stay at my mom's house(I've been craving some alone time with my parents). Mom said my daddy wanted me to come in tonight. Can't say no to daddy right? I called him earlier this morning and asked what he was cooking me for supper. He laughed and said he was waiting for me to call and ask that! If I was absolutely sure I wasn't pregnant, I could get him to go pick up a daquiri for me! I'm definately a daddy's girl except for shopping time, then I'm a Mommy's girl!

I so need this time to myself. I love my husband, but he's been sick all week, and my chores have tripled! Ever try taking care of a sick husband, teenager and tend to a baby? Very difficult! I should get some good rest tonight.

Thanks For the Notice

It's gonna be one of those weeks already..

At 6:30 this morning, our lovely nursing agency called us to tell us nurse C was calling in sick! L and I leave for work at 7! 30 minutes to find a sitter for a medically needy baby(and MIL is back in school).

I used to say she needed to get a job, but thank God Jack and Jill's mom doesn't work, so I quickly fed him, made bottles, packed the car and dropped him off. I really like baby N to stay at my house, but today I had no choice.

Cycle news: VERY light spotting. A little TMI, but a pantyliner will last all day with only a small spot. No pee stick. I'm gonna wait til the end of the week to see if my visitor arrives.

Well, at least I'm off tomorrow to take baby N to a new plastic surgeon. I'm gonna show him off at my mom and dad's work tomorrow, then hopefully this doctor can get him a surgery date.

As far as the Korean...that's another story. I had enough of her and her father's shit, feeling like I'm being watched from the other side of the world and am ready to put her on a plane home. It has put L in a bad mood, but he doesn't want to piss his mom off by sending her home, because his mom babysits!

She told the coordinator:

She doesn't want to clean

She doesn't want us in her room(sorry, computer's in there you have to share!)

If any of you ever think about taking an exchange student, PLEASE DON'T!!!

There's nothing like some over controlling father across the world trying to run your household.

Whew...I feel better now after the vent!!

So...how was eveyone's weekend?

More Germs

When I got home yesterday afternoon, So Young walked out with a bandana tied around her neck. This is how she does when she has a sore throat. Great... Gonna have to get her something called into the pharmacy.

Baby N's doctor told us to give him breathing treatments twice a day while he has the cold. By the sounds of his screaming, you'd think we were killing him, and I don't even strap the mask on his face.

I brought baby N back in our room tonight in his pack n' play. What does L do? Goes sleep in baby N's room around 1am tired of hearing all the baby noises. We have got to get a baby monitor and start letting him sleep alone in his room.

At least it's Friday! One more day of work and then a short break. Have a good weekend everyone.

Getting Easier

Don't worry, I made it home safely..late, but safe.

Baby N's doctor said he had a bad cold and not to bottle feed him until he was better. He was really starting to catch on with the apple juice, but now we have to stop until he's better.

I managed to get some good deep sleep last night even though baby N woke up several times.

So Young actually caught the bus to school, woke up on her own. I guess the lecture worked. We told her she is responsible for getting herself to and from school. I guess the fear of having to tell her father why she missed school got her back in line.

Today is CD32. Hope is creeping in, although I need to shoo her away, because I'm sure disappointment will follow in the next week or so. What should I do? Buy pee stick tomorrow, then call the doctor, or wait til next week, then call the doctor?

Believing I will get pregnant sometimes feels as dumb as believing in Santa Claus. You want to believe, but feel foolish doing so.

Why must I suffer the torture? My last few cycles have actually been 28-29 days! Why do they have to start screwing up and messing with my head?

Delayed

Is what baby N's nuerologist told us. He also said his head was smaller than average and being permature, the midline of the brain or something may not have finished developing. Nurse C says the brain should finish developing as he grows.

We knew had had physical delays, but I think mentally he's fine. He is smart enough to make himself choke so I will pick him up!

Anyway, we knew he would be delayed, but hearing it out loud is still scary. He is 9 months old, but at the level of a 4 month old developmentally. Nurse C thinks it's because his first foster home just held him and let him sleep all the time. Anyway, L is getting Early Steps to come in and start working on his motor skills. I do what I can, try to put him in crawling position, stand him up(he loves trying to stand up), trying to get him to sit, but there's only so much I know to help him.
All this should have been done in the prior foster home, but I guess when the state dumps several needy children in your home out of desperation, you can only do so much. I was told I was lucky that he was taken good care of(meaning, not starving)!

His nuerologist scheduled an MRI. EEG results came back normal and there were no seizures.

On the way out of the hospital, L ran into baby N's ENT doctor:

ENT: They haven't fixed that baby's mouth yet!

L: No, I keep calling them...

ENT: I'm going right up there now and talk to them.

Maybe there's hope. He's on the cleft team so maybe he can squeeze baby N in soon.

Biomom update: She still has not grasped the process of feeding baby N and tried to pass off the duty to her boyfriend. Nurse C said, "No, YOU need to learn." She can't go to court and say we didn't teach her.

L is hanging in there. Baby N is seeing the doctor this afternoon for sinus infection, and I was coughing so hard this morning, I threw up a little. I sucked up and stayed at work. I want to save my off time for baby N's surgeries. Please send healing prayers this way.

I was actually feeling so bad and exhausted last night that when baby N was screaming a tantrum, I laid him in the bed next to me, closed my eyes taking a couple deep breaths then resumed to comfort him. I heard of walking away and counting to 10 to cool off, but didn't think it actually worked. By the time I was at 5 I felt human again.

Baby N did evenually smile later. Bathtime is great and no matter how bad a mood he's in, he will usually kick and laugh in the tub.

Then I dress him and he puts his arms around my neck and head on my shoulder chewing on my neck(from teething pain).

He's so worth it! I wouldn't trade him for anything!

Sick Men

Don't you just hate it when your husbands are sick?

When you are sick, you are supposed to carry on with your wife, motherly, and work duties, but when THEY are sick...

-Oh honey, I can't get out of bed.

-My throat hurts

-I'm congested.

-I'm hungry

When they are sick, your world has to stop turning, so in addition to taking care of a medically needy baby and working full time, I'm playing my husband's mommy trying to convince him to take his medicine, then getting grumped at because his illness is making him cranky.

Then I start catching a milder version of his virus and I get accused of grumping. Excuse me, I don't feel well either, and I desperately need sleep.

Baby N was screaming the majority of yesterday evening too. I was holding him almost in tears, please stop crying baby.

Men would never be able to handle childbirth, of course, I'll probably never get the opportunity either.

ER

Back to the ER again. Let me tell you about my lovely evening last night:

4:45 - Nurse C calls and tells me I need to bring L's stubborn ass to the doctor, because his fever was approaching 104!

4:50 - Tell my boss L is pretty sick and I'm taking him to the ER. Call MIL to see if she can keep baby N.

5:00 - Arrive home, change and bring L to the hospital.

5:15 - Arrive at shitty hospital(although they had a good doctor that night). Argue with nurse who INSISTS it's ok for L to take motrin, although his nephrologist(sp? kidney doctor said NEVER take anything with ibuprofin, since he has only one kidney remaining.) The nurse still insisted he knew more than a kidney specialist in Houston.

5:20 - Brought to exam room, new nurse brings L tylenol, which is good, cause if they'd had given him motrin, I would have refused to pay!

5:30 - Doctor arrives, orders blood work, urinalsys, and chest X-rays

6:30 - Tests come back good, but L was vomiting and had pain in his right side, so doctor ordered IV fluids and cat scan.

8:45 - Cat scan results fine, must have virus, gives two shots and prescription.

9:00 - Arrive home, put baby N in crib, let him throw a tantrum about not wanting to go to sleep, shower, and crawl in the bed in baby N's room(trying to keep baby N away from L)

12:30 - Baby N wakes up screaming. Changed diaper. He carries on about 10 minutes.

2:00 - Baby N wakes up crying

4:00 - Baby N wakes up crying.

6:00 - Alarm, time to get ready to go back to the hellhole.

6:30 - Make L's breakfast(so he will take his tylenol), feed baby N(hoping not to get him sick). Hear knocking at my front door. Scream that I'll be there in a minute, then the doorbell rings. I holler again to hang on. Pull out baby N's feeding tube and answered the door for MIL. God bless her. She said she'd stay until nurse C gets here around 9.

7:05 - Leave for work, grab breakfast and caffiene(coke).

7:45 - Blogging about my hell night.

I hope the day goes better, and that I stay healthy and get some needed sleep!

Oh, how could I forget. I haven't been keeping up, but casually glanced at my calender. Today is CD 30. Sorry, will not buy pee stick until at least Friday if AF doesn't show. I hope the Endo isn't back or my cycles are screwing up again.

My Big Boy!

First, of all I want to thank Michelle for the blanket trick with the feeding tube. So far it's working. Also, please visit her site and send her your support. She's just been hit with some bad news.

Now, on to baby N. I got his report back from the cleft team and in the notes it said I could try bottle feeding him pedialite, then move on to juice if he didn't choke on the pedialite.

I bought him apple juice this weekend and tried it. He loves it! He gulped down the first few sips so I took it from him scared he was going to fast, then let him drink again. I still can't notice much missing from the bottle, but I definately hear him sucking and swallowing! He drank about an once over the course of the day yesterday. It's not much, but he's doing better.

Work, not even gonna go there today. It hasn't gotten better though.

I may be starting another site soon for my more private thoughts. Too many people in the "real world" have found this site and now there are things I just can't write about, knowing some of the people reading. Most of my entries will be here, but I'll save the more private talk about cycling and periods and other "fun stuff" for their. I'll ask for emails when I get it set up and will send links to my friends I do not know in the "real world." All baby N updates, pregnancy progress(I can hope huh?), will still be here.

Another day begins...yippie...

Parental Advice

According to bio mom, a french fry is good for a teething infant to chew on and you should slap an infant for chewing on your shoulder for teething relief.

Now I'm not against spanking in some circumstances, but you cannot hit a foster child. He was only chewing on her shoulder because he was hurting. Besides, it's cruel to hit an infant! First of all, they can't grasp what they are doing wrong yet and probably just think mommy is trying to hurt them. Spanking doesn't work until they are 2-3 and know they are doing wrong. I was spanked, and I'm glad my parents did. Of course, it didn' t last long once my parents found out I'd rather get my ass whipped than not be able to play with my toys. Then my mom started punishing me in 15 minute increments! 15 minutes with no toys..the torture!

I am having a problem with baby N and he needs some "direction." EVERY time I feed him, he pulls his feeding tube out several times. Since feeding takes 2 hands, it doesn't leave me an extra hand to pull his hand out the way and SPLAT...formula everywhere.

I tried pulling his hand away with a stern "no." I doubt he understands that either because I repeated the process 10 times in one feeding, and just had to try to grab his hand before he could pull the tube out.

How do you teach a 9 month old not to do something? I don' t want to have a new tube put in just so I can get one with a locking peg. Toys don't work, because apparantly the feeding tube is the most interesting thing.

Any suggestions? Does he understand my pulling his hand away and telling him no or am I wasting my time?

Baby Steps. . .

L and nurse C took baby N to the cardiologist today(along with biomom).

His heart murmur has close and his heart is healthy!

Accomplishments:

Tubes in Ears
Heart murmur closed.
Drinking about 1-2 oz a day of pedialite by bottle.

Still Working on:

Cleft lip/pallette repair
hypospadia repair
TPR
Adoption(hopefully)


During the doctor visit, his mom had the bright idea of letting him chew on a french fry for teething. Of course, nurse C told her no. When he started chewing on her shoulder, she told us to slap him when he does that.

Oh yeah, if we adopt him, she's gonna move closer to us so she can help. No comment on that one. I predict leaning towards a closed adoption for sure now!

Thanks for the prayers and please keep them coming.

Baby N's Father

The one I thought signed away his rights..

He called baby N's cw yesterday, but don't freak out yet, ok.

He still denies it's his, doesn't want to do DNA test and the only reason he signed away rights to his daughter was because the grandma adopted her.

Baby N's caseworker explained that he was in an excellent adoptive home, doing well and they are able to meet all his medical needs.

He said that was fine and to let us have him because he flat out told her he could not care for him. He said as long as bio mom is TPR'd and he doesn't go back with her, he will testify against her and sign away rights, whatever it takes for him not to go home with bio mom.

On the other hand, if bio mom were getting him back, he'd take baby N, because although he cannot take care of him, he could do better than bio mom.

CW says hell no to attending the birthday party and to blame her.

TPR hearing should be scheduled in the next 45-60 days.

I'll update more later. I have to go answer the phone today. I guess the auditor's will have to fend for themselves.

What do you think?

First of all, we didn't pursue the little girl yet. I put her in God's hands and if He wants us to take her, He will make it happen, just like baby N.

I emailed baby N's attorney. Hopefully she will meet with us soon. We didn't get much time to talk during court.

Baby N's bio mom invited us to a birthday party for his oldest sister(she will be 7). If the caseworker says it's ok, should we attend? I know we don't have to, but I'm thinking of all the pictures of his biological family I could get for his lifebook and get bio mom to help me fill out the baby book. TPR will likely happen in about two months, so I have a short period of time to gather as much info as I can for his lifebook.

On one hand, I will grin and bear it through the party to get pictures and information, on the other hand, I don't want some long lost relative to discover him and want to adopt him.

Suggestions please?