Staying Public, For Now

Well, I'm gonna stay public for a while and use the delete button.

Still no word on the baby. Some days I think the state will let us have the baby and some days I hear all these rules of why we cannot take the baby. I guess it's all up to our home development worker. Last time L talked to her, she said no(highly advised us not too) but assured us that she would make sure Bubbles stayed with us because of bonding.

L's coworker can no longer take the baby for the same reason we supposedly can't, he's under adoption contract for another boy. L has another friend who lives in the next town(3 miles away) that said she'd like the baby and they even go to the same day care, so Bubbles would see him everyday. She also wouldn't fight to take Bubbles if they became adoptable together. She'd take him, we'd keep Bubbles.

At this point, I'd love to have the baby, but if he's placed somewhere else, I'll take it as a message from God that I have enough already. If they screw us over and place him elsewhere, I don't think I will fight it as long as the family doesn't try to get Bubbles placed with them. Who knows, he may get placed with another infertile couple. I will be disappointed if for some reason we are unable to take him, but as long as Bubbles stays, and we can adopt Bubbles separately, if she isn't safely reunified, that is, I would be ok. I'd love another, but would feel fully blessed if I was able to adopt just Smiley and Bubbles. I'm sure this will change quickly if/when the baby is placed with us. I will probably fall in love quickly.

Just think of how hard it will be for Bubbles to date! 3 brothers including stepson! When she asks to go out, we'll just tell her to pick two brothers to go along.

I'm Considering Going Private

As you can probably tell, I am not allowing anonymous comments anymore. Yes, I'm probably letting my troll win, but if they're too chicken sh*t to claim their comment, then I don't need them commenting.

I'm thinking of going private since I'm obviously full of sh*t anyway and I have nothing better to do than make up lies about my baby's parents. It's funny how I "make up" all this stuff, yet CASA and my baby's attorney have the police records and mental health records to back it up. It can also be verfied that dad has been in and out of jail. No lies, just evidence. I wish it wasn't true. I wish I could feel assured that my baby would be safe and well-cared for by her parents. I actually believe Smiley's mom would be able to care for her better than they could.

Normally, this wouldn't bother me, but it's been an emotional week with Princess' 1st birthday coming and going and I just don't have any fight in me. If I defend myself, they win. If I don't, they win too so why bother anymore.

I'll give you some time to email me if you want an invite if I make that decsion. I'll probably send an automatic invite to everyone who is at the palace.

What do you think?

Close Call

I am coming to the end of a really crappy week, only to blog and find a troll. It does fit well with my week though. I temporarily removed the last post because I believe I said more than I should have about a case that is getting really nasty. Agree with me or not, I will not pretend to support reunification in cases where it is clearly not in the child's best interest.

If Bubbles has a decent relative that comes forward, with suitable living conditions that can care for her, I will support reunification. I will not be happy about losing her. I will ask what took so long, but if I know she will be cared for, I will grieve her loss and move on(after I gripe a couple posts and let it all out).

Here were some of the highlights:

*We took in a 15 yr old girl Tues night, who was a runaway from another state caught on an A*mber alert. Her mom came for her the next day. She came with nothing. She was very sweet though. Seemed to be a good girl who just made a couple bad decisions.

*My coworker is still giving me fits with her kid. It's amazing how her child is the only one having problems.

*Thursday would have been Princess' first birthday.

*Bubbles sibling almost came into care today(probably Monday). They weren't going to let us take him because we were under adoption contract to adopt Smiley and weren't allowed to take any placements. Then they were talking about removing Bubbles and placing her and her brother somewhere else. I was hysterical! We had to make some frantic phone calls and eventually the judge ordered an investigation and the baby would go with us if the investigators felt the baby needed to be removed. The only reason the baby wasn't taken into care sooner was because the parents were lying about completing crucial parts of their caseplan and noone followed up to check on them. Yes, caseworker has all the police and arrest records since she came into care and is pretending nothing happened.

Just for clarification on my reunification stance:

I will support reunification when:

*It is the child's first time in care and the family has no other history with cps.
*The family made a stupid mistake, like spanking a child in public, or leaving them home a couple hours.
*A family member comes forward that is responsible enough to care for the child and not around when the abuse/neglect happened(like Scooter's dad).
*A child gets taken into care for poverty alone,but the parents are trying to get back on their feet.


I cannot support reunification when:

*Drugs are involved or drug dealing, and the parents are not successfully completing treating or attempting to change.

*Parents have serious mental illnesses and refuse to seek treatment.

*The child has been in care more than once.

*One or both parents have a history of violence towards others, and refuse to admit to the problem and seek treatment.

*Neither of the parents are employed and have no desire to be employed.

Now if Bubbles' mom would leave the violent dad, find adequate housing and keep it clean(it doesn't have to be a nice place, but there's no excuse to have a filthy house), attempt to get a job(daycare is paid, so that's not an excuse) to support her children and finish her education, I would feel a lot better about reunification than I do now. If asking the mom to have these qualifications to support reunification is wrong, then I guess I'm a bad foster parent.

He's Just Lazy

This morning L woke up to check on Smiley. He had been babbling a few minutes. He gets up and finds Smiley playing on the floor in the living room! He sleeps in the crib in his room. He has somehow managed to escape the crib. It is lowered as far as it can go and bumper pads had been removed.

I just don't know how he did it! He can't walk(or won't walk) but he can climb out of his crib! Now I'm thinking he's just lazy. He's getting where he wants without walking.

I guess it's time to invest in a crib tent.

Oh, and I just loved watching LSU have Gator for dinner last night! What a great game..and we were so close to having tickets. L's dad has season tickets, but we didn't dare ask to have them on such a good game. Turns out he gave them to someone at church and told us we should have asked! Oh well, no traffic watching it on TV.

Back and Forth

Smiley had a sedated hearing test today(since he doesn't seem to want to sit still enough for the Audiologist to do what she needs to do). Hearing in both ears is normal. She thinks the tubes may need to be removed and replaced since they may not be in the right position since they were placed before his palette was repaired. There was an ENT at the hospital who offered to fix them while he was sedated, but L said no way. This guy is a serious quack. He's like 80 and such a quack.His office is filthy and like your back in the early 1900's. I wouldn't let him even touch my kid's ears! We'll talk to Smiley's ENT later.

We're seeing the developmental pediatrician in a couple weeks, so hopefully we can get a diagnosis and have a better idea of what Smiley will be able to accomplish. He still cannot walk, but he climbed out of his crib today(I have no idea how). I'm thinking a lot of it may be lazyness. His bio grandma said his bio dad is lazy.

I can't wait until I can officially introduce my son to all of you. Sounds so funny...my son....I could be a mommy in a little over a month!

While L was leaving with Smiley, he caught a glimpse of Bubbles's mom outside the hospital. She was smoking a cigarette, hanging out with two guys(not Bubbles' dad) and screaming and jumping like a madwoman bitching about something regarding formula and her baby. I wonder if she got that baby hospitalized already. L and I talked about it. I mentioned how maybe his co-worker would get called for the baby(they agreed to take Bubbles' sibling if we decide we cannot. They will get to visit each other anytime, and they will fight like hell if they try to remove him to adopt them together).

Anyway, L said, "I think we'll go ahead and take him." He's not crazy about babies(he prefers toddlers that can talk), but said he'd probably let me take him if it came to that, but we had to take in an older child for the holidays. Fine with me. Baby boy turned 3 weeks old Tues. The thought of a newborn is so exciting, but I'm terrified everyday he does not come into care. I'm afraid if they are letting them keep him, why not send Bubbles back? There's no reason to keep a baby away from a violent dad and drug dealing parents right? especially if they can show they cared for a newborn a couple weeks!

I fear her return home so much for her. To send her home would be a death sentence, and I doubt I have the strength to bury another daughter.

I know it's out of my hands and all I can do is pray.