My little angel

Well, It's February again,worst time in my life 7 years ago. I have been trying to keep myself distracted, but it's still a bad time. Losing my daughter has changed me and I will never be that person I was before. With time, I am better able to cope but the pain doesn't go away. I wish I would have made the most of those last hours with her. To say we had a really rough night with her the night before is an understatement. She cried, and cried, and cried all night long. We were exhausted and as I dropped her off at daycare(still cranky), I got to work and wondered how we were going to get through this with her. I really try not to blame myself when I know I was not the one who made bad choices while pregnant with her, but I wonder if she was trying to tell us something. I just assumed she was still withdrawing, and I know bringing her to the ER for excessive crying probably wouldn't have helped, but I hated that our last bit of time with her was rough. Never did I realize when I dropped her off that would be the last time I held her alive. There was so much I wanted to say tonight, but as I sit here writing, I just can't find the words except I love and miss her so much.