I had a dream about Princess last night. She was so real. I knew that she had somehow "come back to life" and wasn't supposed to be here. I told myself it wasn't a dream, because it seemed like several days had gone by in the dream. She was so beautiful, happy, and didn't appear sick at all(although I knew she was). I just remember smothering her with kisses, cause even then, I knew she could "die again."
I remember not long after the funeral I longed for a dream of her alive. It was really refreshing to "see" her again. I remember caring about nothing but treasuring every second I had holding her. It's like I was able to give her the goodbye kisses I missed when she went to heaven. How I wish I would have treasured her more. Who ever knew I'd have to say goodbye so soon? If I had only known when she boarded that helicopter it would have been the last time I would tell her goodbye. Such a small, short kiss on the cheek before she left. I thought I'd been spending weeks at the hospital with her...
As I listen to C@rrie Und*rwood's song, "This is Just a Dream", some of those words describe the experience of the funeral so well:
Baby, why'd you leave me,
why'd you have to go,
I was counting on forever,
now I'll never know...
I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE
It's like I'm looking from a distance,
standing in the background
News like this...takes your breath away. It feels like it can't really be happening and you just get numb. Maybe this is why L didn't take little Prince, for fear of reliving this kind of tragedy again.