Baby on the way

I'm expecting a new addition by July the latest. We allowed Smiley to visit bio mom and grandma for Christmas. L had a talk with grandma about Smiley's mom's latest pregnancy(still chance of twins, runs in the family). Grandma asked if we were holding an opening for the new baby. He said yes. She was glad because she cannot raise anymore babies(already raising her first two girls). She then told L that there is no way Smiley's mom can care for a baby and the hospital will probably make a call when baby is born and she will call us. Grandma is not happy with daughter pregnant again and not able to care for it.

Things have not changed. Her mental ability remains the same. She does not know she can't take care of a baby. She still believes Smiley can eat things such as french fries when he cannot chew. She also minimizes his medical needs and developmental delays. She believes he will grow out of his disabilities. While all mothers hope for the best, she actually believes all his needs will disappear.

Anyway, what I was getting at was open adoption.

1. How do you feel about an open adoption when parental rights are terminated against mom's wishes(assuming mom poses no danger to the child)?

2. How do you feel about an open adoption when it is a child like Smiley, who does not understand, and may never understand that he has a different mommy that gave birth to him? In other words, should you make an effort at an open adoption for only bio mom's benefit?

3. What about bioligical siblings? Is it better for them to see their sibling once in a while, and miss him most of the time, or a clean break?


I guess what I'm saying is If I'm going to accept this placement, I need to find a good balance between allowing mom some access to her child, but keeping as little confusion for the child as possible. I just feel it would be wrong to completely cut her off after adopting two of her children, but I want them to have as much of a normal life as possible. Smiley doesn't know what's going on, but how would it affect a child who did know what was going on? How would I explain that they cannot stay at her house alone(although she won't hurt them, she's not competent enough to care for them)?

What amount of visits sound reasonable? Smiley usually visits a few times around the holidays, then we usually take a break for a few months, then once every few months.

I just want to do the right thing if I am placed with her new baby.

Couldn't Do it Again

At first they gave baby girl to another family even though they said we could have her. L stepped on a couple toes and the worker called us(she did say she'd place with us first anyway) and said she was bringing her to us. When worker went to hospital to check her out, he health problems were a LOT more severe than just testing positve for cocaine. "Mom" had also been on meth and TONS of smoking during pregnancy. She had severe heart and lung problems already, not expected to live long and being transferred(probably) soon to Children's. The other family(single mom) still wants her, so please send her love and prayers because I know it's going to be a rough journey for her.

Although I cherish every moment I had with Princess, and I would take HER all over again, knowing what I know now, I just cannot knowingly take another baby that I will likely have to bury. Plus, I now have 2 little ones and would not be able to make to 4 hour round trip to visit her as often with both.

I guess I need to stay out of the way next time and let God do what is best.

P.S. I am SO SORRY it took so long to update. I have been having other "issues" this week, but I'll save it for another post. It's been a long week. There's still Smiley's sibling possibility in July, or possibly Bubbles 2nd baby sibling coming soon. Both moms would ask the babies be placed with us if taken.

New Bundle of Joy?

We got a call for a newborn girl, cocaine exposed. I know, sounds a little famaliar right. From what the worker said I think we are getting her. She left a message with another family on Fri, but we called back first, so she said we could have her. Then L asked if we could visit her, but they said wait til' Mon. She was born yesterday.

I want to jump with excitement, but so many of our new baby calls didn't work out for us previously. I just have that fear in the back of my mind that they will give her to the other family. I really hope she keeps her word to us. As of yesterday(Friday), she didn't have a name yet. The agency has had previous dealings with this mom so they want an adoptive home.

I'll keep you posted. Please send prayers.

So Unfair

Smiley's mom is pregnant.

It did take her three years this time so I guess she's one of us now huh? It's possible that I may have a newborn in the next few months. As much as she tries, she just does not have the mental capacity to care for a child. She would ask for us to take it because we treat her well(although there are times I just have to stay my distance from her for a while).

I haven't heard any updates on Princess' mom lately except she's working the caseplan for the new baby. I pray she's staying clean.