What do you think?
First of all, we didn't pursue the little girl yet. I put her in God's hands and if He wants us to take her, He will make it happen, just like baby N.
I emailed baby N's attorney. Hopefully she will meet with us soon. We didn't get much time to talk during court.
Baby N's bio mom invited us to a birthday party for his oldest sister(she will be 7). If the caseworker says it's ok, should we attend? I know we don't have to, but I'm thinking of all the pictures of his biological family I could get for his lifebook and get bio mom to help me fill out the baby book. TPR will likely happen in about two months, so I have a short period of time to gather as much info as I can for his lifebook.
On one hand, I will grin and bear it through the party to get pictures and information, on the other hand, I don't want some long lost relative to discover him and want to adopt him.
Suggestions please?
I emailed baby N's attorney. Hopefully she will meet with us soon. We didn't get much time to talk during court.
Baby N's bio mom invited us to a birthday party for his oldest sister(she will be 7). If the caseworker says it's ok, should we attend? I know we don't have to, but I'm thinking of all the pictures of his biological family I could get for his lifebook and get bio mom to help me fill out the baby book. TPR will likely happen in about two months, so I have a short period of time to gather as much info as I can for his lifebook.
On one hand, I will grin and bear it through the party to get pictures and information, on the other hand, I don't want some long lost relative to discover him and want to adopt him.
Suggestions please?
posted by Lisa @ 5:59 AM
10 Comments:
At 6:08 AM,
GLouise said…
Ooh- tough call. Could that happen- a long lost relative could adopt him? eeks! Maybe wait til TPR has happened to go to any bio family functions , but I am a little too cautious. ;-)
At 7:02 AM,
x said…
I agree with Glouise. It is a tough call but I might error on the side of caution and wait until he is yours for good before attending functions with his bio family.
At 7:32 AM,
Julie said…
At this point- it is all in God's hands- I think relatives know about him and surely would have spoken up by know. Pictures are of great value. I would not spend too much time there. I would go, mingle, take some pics, ask a few questions, and then mingle your way out. I wouldn't want to get stuck there for more than an hour or so.
At 7:58 AM,
No Longer In Crisis said…
Oh that's tough - guess for me it would depend on: Do you mind how many people would then be able to recongize you and the baby "out and about"? Do you mind the potential questions? Does your relationship with the birth parents allow for a positive interaction there? Are there ways of getting pictures without going (i.e. sending a disposable camera with social worker, or to birthmom and then getting it back with the promise you'll send her copies?) Will N be visiting his sister after adoption? Gosh, I guess I'm probably overly cautious given Cookie's horrible biofamily and our chosen anonymity for mere safety. I'm sure whatever decision you make will be fine - especially if you plan ahead and can make a quick exit if you feel weird or uncomfortable.
At 10:43 AM,
sourpatchbaby said…
I'm with Tamara with this one. You should see if there's a way to get the pictures without going. I mean, if you start going to this family get together biomom might not get the full picture and think that this will be an open adoption with her being able to come in and out of baby N's life as she wants (like she probably does with the older sisters in grandma's care). I can only suggest that you put in in His hands. Just pray to God and follow whatever path the Holy Spirit leads you to.
At 10:44 AM,
soralis said…
Good luck with your decision... personally I think I would be afraid to go.
Take care and good luck
At 2:54 PM,
Lisa said…
Baby N's bio mom is slow, and I think our relationship with her is good considering the situation. Her situation is unfortunate because she sincerely loves him, but cannot take care of him. Bio granmdmother is very nice from what L tells me.
I don't think an open adoption would be a good idea, at least not until he is older and knows that I am mommy. I don't want to confuse him with 2 mommies at a very young age.
L said if she'd sign away her rights immediately he'd consider an open adoption. Of course, we'd carefully word the contract where visits would stop if we, the adoptive parents felt it was no longer in his best interest.
I'm really torn with his family on what to do. I pray I make the right decisions.
I will send a gift though.
At 10:02 AM,
Michelle said…
Unfortunately I would wait until after the TPR...it IS possible for a relative to decide to want baby N...family really gets first choice...why tempt fate????
Michelle
my chosen child
At 2:58 PM,
Jen said…
This is such a difficult decision to make. I originally thought it wouldn't hurt to attend, but after reading the other comments, I think I am in agreement with the others who say you should err on the side of caution and not attend. But sending a gift is a very nice gesture, so I'm glad you thought of doing that.
At 9:36 PM,
Maya said…
Hmm, I would play it on the safe side and not tempt the fates. I tend to be overly cautious. I would rather be safe then sorry. I also don't know that the positives would outweigh the possible negatives. I am not sure that a 7 yr.old would care if the baby was there. Some really sensitives may, but on the whole I would say not so much. Baby N obviously wouldn't care. Mom and the family would probably enjoy it, but you don't owe them anything. You could be setting a precedent for future family gatherings of him being there.
Sorry about the job. I am in a similiar boat. It sucks though, when you are at someone's mercy. I hope it works out for you.
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