Out Of My Hands
All of my life, I have gone after my dreams.
When I wanted something, I went after it with full force, putting every bit of energy into achieving my goal.
Sometimes I failed.
What do I do? Try again, with even more sweat and effort, hoping my dedication would be seen and rewarded.
Eventually it was.
Infertility is different.
I'm not talking about family building now, because I have faith that I will have children, even if I don't give birth. I am talking about getting pregnant and giving birth to a live, healthy baby.
With infertility, my efforts are not rewarded. No amount of hard work, time, dedication, or money will guarantee that I get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby. I have NO control of the situation, and that, I think is one of the hardest parts about infertility.
I notice a lot of my blogs I read feel the same way. Most of them have strong work ethics and made things happen in their lives...
until infertility came along.
Even as I hope to adopt baby N, I have very little control over the situation:
-the love I give him will not guarantee he will be freed for adoption.
-Getting his medical needs met, will not mean I get to keep him.
-Staying up with him at night will not give me the right to be his mommy.
All these things will do is show the state that I would be a good adoptive home for baby N should he become freed for adoption.
I am a perfectionist. I go after what I want.
With infertility...it's completely out of my hands.
I just have to keep faith that it's in God's hands.
When I wanted something, I went after it with full force, putting every bit of energy into achieving my goal.
Sometimes I failed.
What do I do? Try again, with even more sweat and effort, hoping my dedication would be seen and rewarded.
Eventually it was.
Infertility is different.
I'm not talking about family building now, because I have faith that I will have children, even if I don't give birth. I am talking about getting pregnant and giving birth to a live, healthy baby.
With infertility, my efforts are not rewarded. No amount of hard work, time, dedication, or money will guarantee that I get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby. I have NO control of the situation, and that, I think is one of the hardest parts about infertility.
I notice a lot of my blogs I read feel the same way. Most of them have strong work ethics and made things happen in their lives...
until infertility came along.
Even as I hope to adopt baby N, I have very little control over the situation:
-the love I give him will not guarantee he will be freed for adoption.
-Getting his medical needs met, will not mean I get to keep him.
-Staying up with him at night will not give me the right to be his mommy.
All these things will do is show the state that I would be a good adoptive home for baby N should he become freed for adoption.
I am a perfectionist. I go after what I want.
With infertility...it's completely out of my hands.
I just have to keep faith that it's in God's hands.
posted by Lisa @ 11:12 AM
4 Comments:
At 12:46 PM,
Julie said…
It totally sucks!!! I know. I too suffer from the lack of control in situations in life. I just have to stand in the faith that GOD is in Control and I am not. It makes me mad but I guess- HE knows and He has a plan. I have to learn patience, humility and to throw out my pride.
Lord, give us strength to trust you with the things we want so much to control ourselves!!
At 2:39 PM,
GLouise said…
I totally agree!
At 3:08 PM,
CJ said…
You got it right on, sister! Infertility is the ONE thing I've found that you can't gain just by playing the game and doing "what needs to be done." It is a long road and one that teaches and tests faith a great deal.
At 1:04 AM,
Baby Blues said…
Yes, I agree. It's difficult not to have control. You just have to learn to LET GO... and LET GOD lead us to where HE knows is best. But believe me, it's easier said than done.
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