Love At First Sight.(now updated with more details)
I waited outside the social services building with our worker, watching every car, waiting to finally meet baby N. I felt like a kid waiting to see my mom's car drive up and pick me up at daycare.
Foster mom, nurse and baby in are brought into the visiting room. I see baby N and pick him up. Love at first sight, just like I had just given birth to him, except it felt kinda weird having a supervised visit. Would have been teary eyed had we been alone.
After giving foster mom a puppy dog face and her telling me to pick him up, I grabbed him, sat down and looked into the eyes of the baby boy who will probably be my future son. Had to bite my tongue and resist the urge to say "Come see mommy." I did slip up and say "go see Daddy."
He is PRECIOUS!! So sweet. So cuddly. He was dressed in an adorable blue froggy outfit. He smelt so fresh, just like a baby. He was so soft, has the double chin thing going on weighing in at nearly 16 pounds! I keep thinking...is this really gonna be MY baby? I would be honored to be his mommy. He is so much cuter in person and the lip doesn't look nearly as bad when you see him.
I eventually decided I had to share and asked L if he wanted to hold him, so I start baby talking like a fool to him while L was holding him and baby N made a nice poopy diaper, which I later got to change while L gladly stepped away and let "mommy" handle that task. He's a healthy little baby, chunky. So many rolls I had a hard time getting him clean. Now who in there right mind would be thrilled to change a poopy diaper? An infertile woman, that's who!
It was just hard visiting my hopefully future son with an audience. I would look for approval whatever I did.
We took pictures, but not nearly enough. His nurse showed me how to work the feeding tube. It's very easy. The nurse asked if I'd like to feed him but foster mom didn't think it was a good idea. I told nurse I'd just watch and learn. I opened the little port in his tummy, hooked up the tube and nurse syringed the formula in. That simple. I tried to burp him, but he was being stubborn. It was cool watching his face go from hungry to full as his tummy was filling up.
The next step is to go to foster mom's house to learn how to work a suction machine if he spits up. I ask foster mom when we can set this up and was kinda shrugged off. Looks like social worker will have to set this up too, so that means more delays!
Foster mom was pretty nice and a little more comfortable seeing how baby N took to us well, but not ready to help get him into our home. I have a feeling the social worker is just gonna have to pull him from her home and bring him to us.
There is really no good reason we couldn't have taken him this weekend. Why couldn't she bring the portable machine and show us how to work it?
I didn't want to let him go. Hopefully, we will get him soon. The waiting sucks!