Mother's Day

Tonight, before going to bed I found myself thinking back to when I started blogging several years ago about about my journey to motherhood. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have 5 children currently still living at home with me(K, the teenager moved back with his biological parents after begging for an emancipation). God has blessed me more than I can ever imagine. I prayed for a baby, he sent three(though older kids) to me to adopt. I prayed for a newborn(and yes, selfishly hoped for a girl too), and He sent me 3! I am still amazed that I found myself pregnant after nearly 6 long years of trying and then again 9 months later with twins. 17 months later, I still look at them saying "Wow, twins." Today, my heart still breaks for other ladies suffering infertility and waiting and wondering why they are going through this. I know there are few words of comfort to offer and I pray they keep close to God through their journey because He is there, just like He was there dragging me through kicking and screaming when He called my princess home. I just couldn't understand why...first infertility, then He takes my precious daughter I had waited so long for, then 9 months later takes another baby girl from me that I grew to love(moved to another foster home due to some lying workers). When Kyleigh arrived, I began to understand. She in no way replaces Princess, but I don't think she would be here if Princess were still with me because when Princess was placed with us, our family felt complete. When she went back to Jesus, it felt empty again and didn't feel complete again until after the twins arrived. Today, I also pray for friends who have lost babies in the last year. No mother should have to bury their child. So, when I think about the hectic day I had, L working on a project today for extra money so I can be blessed to stay home with my 5 beautiful children, I am grateful. I was blessed to be waken again at 2am be a precious little 2 year old who has decided to make a nightly habit of waking screaming to come in mommy and daddy's bed. I clean poo. All the time. Lots of it and it about drives me to a breaking point, but it's ok. I am at doctors' offices, therapists ALL THE TIME. I worry about what will happen to my oldest 2 with special needs when we are no longer around. I am stressed with being alone and stuck in the house with no adult interaction for 10-12 hours per day. My husband and I rarely have a meal out together and haven't been on a date in ages, but I am blessed that He has answered my prayers and even had a sense of humor about it when He sent the twins. All the waiting, heartbreak and tears were worth it. Happy Mother's Day to all ladies. I hope you had a great day. To all my friends still waiting on their children, I pray God sends them to you very soon.