Missing his First Easter :(
First of all, if my dear family is reading this post, stop now, unless you're prepared to read it without giving my the silent treatment. This is my place to vent, and is therapy for me to write, so I don't hold back anything here.
The meeting went well. Baby N is 14 pounds! We went over all his medical needs and doctors. The good news is the mother was not on drugs. He was taken because of medical neglect, his prognosis for returning home is poor, but he is not yet available for adoption, although they are staffing for TPR and will probably be sucessful.
The next step...We have to visit baby N at the foster mom's house. L called her today. She is going out of town so baby N will be staying with his nurse. He asked why he just couldn't stay with us. They have to have time to go over his medical needs with us.
She decides to go out of town, so we get to miss a valuable 3 day holiday weekend with baby N so he can stay with a f*cking babysitter!!
I am NOT happy.
Mom leaves a message on my cell phone. I call her back and the first thing I tell her is "don't tell me to have patience." I love my mom dearly, and she really tries, but she was struggling on words of advice to give me since I disallowed using the "be patient" line. After the heart felt, well intentioned advice, I think I should have just listened to the "have patience" speech. Instead this is what I hear:
"That's just more red tape you have to go through."
"Try to focus on the positive."
"You don't have him now, but try to focus on the future with him"
"Just enjoy visiting with family and enjoy their company"
Oh, here's the best one, my cousin had a new baby in December:
"You can play with your cousin's baby now, and baby N next weekend."
It hurts for me to write this, but those words hurt me too. I said, "listen mom, this weekend is going to suck, and that's all."
What do I want her to day? Lisa, I know it sucks and I'm sorry you are going to miss Easter with baby N.
Is that so hard?
The meeting went well. Baby N is 14 pounds! We went over all his medical needs and doctors. The good news is the mother was not on drugs. He was taken because of medical neglect, his prognosis for returning home is poor, but he is not yet available for adoption, although they are staffing for TPR and will probably be sucessful.
The next step...We have to visit baby N at the foster mom's house. L called her today. She is going out of town so baby N will be staying with his nurse. He asked why he just couldn't stay with us. They have to have time to go over his medical needs with us.
She decides to go out of town, so we get to miss a valuable 3 day holiday weekend with baby N so he can stay with a f*cking babysitter!!
I am NOT happy.
Mom leaves a message on my cell phone. I call her back and the first thing I tell her is "don't tell me to have patience." I love my mom dearly, and she really tries, but she was struggling on words of advice to give me since I disallowed using the "be patient" line. After the heart felt, well intentioned advice, I think I should have just listened to the "have patience" speech. Instead this is what I hear:
"That's just more red tape you have to go through."
"Try to focus on the positive."
"You don't have him now, but try to focus on the future with him"
"Just enjoy visiting with family and enjoy their company"
Oh, here's the best one, my cousin had a new baby in December:
"You can play with your cousin's baby now, and baby N next weekend."
It hurts for me to write this, but those words hurt me too. I said, "listen mom, this weekend is going to suck, and that's all."
What do I want her to day? Lisa, I know it sucks and I'm sorry you are going to miss Easter with baby N.
Is that so hard?
posted by Lisa @ 5:45 PM
8 Comments:
At 7:55 PM,
x said…
I don't know why it is so hard for people to say the right thing.
I am sorry you don't have Baby N for Easter, I really am. I can only imagine the ways you would have found to spoil him.
At 9:12 PM,
Maya said…
State bureaucracy with kids drives me f***ing crazy. As a teacher, I see way too much of this. I can't imagine how upset you are. I was furious when the stupid pound wouldn't let me bring my 9 yr. old cat home right away. I would have to refrain from going "postal" with a baby involved.
I hope this isn't insensitive and please send me a nasty comment if it is...is there anyway you could at least visit him on Easter, so you don't miss his first one?
At 5:33 AM,
Lisa said…
I asked if we could visit him when she returned Wednesday evening, but foster mom will be having family over so I'm f*cked on that one.
There is no consideration that he will possibly be MY family!
You want to know the best part?? If he were a "normal" baby, I would have been able to to take him this weekend!
Now we are being punished for wanting to adopt a special needs child. It makes me furious!!
Believe me, if I could have my way, I'd be spending Easter weekend at that woman's house to be with baby N!
At 6:34 AM,
No Longer In Crisis said…
I'm so sorry, I understand missed holidays. We got a call to give 2 kids back AFTER we had bought Haloween costumes for them and told them they were going trick-or-treating at church. We finally convinced the workers to let them stay through that night and take them the next morning. BUT that's not the SAME as Easter Sunday. Not even close.
I also understand how much family insensitivity sucks. My family refuses to meet our foster daughter until she is adopted - saying they "don't want to get attached until they know it will stick". Ugh. Like we're imune.
Folks outside the infertility/foster-to-adopt world seem to never ever get it. Even if they just listened it would be better than the trite platitudes.
Vent away, girl. Your community of friends here understands.
At 9:25 AM,
GLouise said…
Aww- I am so sorry! That really hurts.
At 9:39 AM,
Maya said…
I am so sorry that you won't get any time with him. I'll be praying for divine intervention for you..and him.
At 10:45 AM,
Lisa said…
Thanks everyone, it's so nice to talk to people who actually "get it" instead of using the be patient speech.
Ya'll are the best!
At 5:53 PM,
Anonymous said…
I'm so sorry about the Easter weekend. And your mom's response. My mom does the exact same thing. You're right - just hearing "Wow that really sucks" would be so much better.
With that in mind - it sucks that you won't be able to spend Easter with Baby N.
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