Comebacks for Assvice from fertiles...
1. Assvice: You can have one of my kids, they are driving me crazy!(From someone who is also pg.
* Your two are already used--I want a new one. Can I have the baby when it's born? (yellowgirl)
* Let's go to a lawyer to draw up the papers--I want this done legally.(Yellowgirl)
* Well, I wouldn't think of ever asking you for one, but since you mention it, I accept. THANKS. Can I have the new one? (Yellowgirl).
* Sure, but don't come try and take them back next month!
* No thanks. I don't like those. Can you make me a new one?
* No thanks. Yours are already potty trained. I was looking forward to changing poopy diapers.
2. Assvice: You could always adopt.
* Adoption. Never considered it. Since you offered, why yes, I'd love to! (Yellowgirl)
* Adoption--great! Do you *just* have 10k I can borrow? (Yellowgirl)
* What?? And miss out on morning sickness and stretch marks! No Way!!
* No thanks. I was looking forward to giving myself shots during IVF.
* I want an excuse to eat for 2 for nine months.
* Adopt? And miss out the opportunity of cursing my husband during labor for knocking me up?
* Adoption? Sure, but there is a shortage of infants. Can you make me one and I will adopt it?
* Great idea!! Will you do the homestudy for me?
3. Assvice: Maybe it's not in the cards for you to have children.
* Oh, I better become a crack whore then, because it's sure in the cards for them to have kids.
* Maybe it wasn't in the cards for you but the stork delivered to the wrong house!
* Nah! The stork's just pissed off because my cat killed one of his bird cousins!
4. Assvice: If you just relax it will happen.
* Next time they are sick or in pain, tell them it will go away if they "just relax."
* When they are screaming of labor pains, tell them, "Just relax and the baby will pop out. The baby doesn't want to come out and hear all that screaming."
5. Assvice: Take a vacation and you will get pregnant.
* That's right, my sperm will be stronger/eggs will be better if they get to go to the beach.
* A vacation! My reproductive system has already been on vacation for (insert time you have been TTC).
* No thanks. I'd rather throw away $10,000 in another failed IVF cycle.
* I can't. My RE is taking a vacation with the money from my last IVF cycle.
* No thanks. I don't want to get pg by having sex! That's disgusting!!
* I can't. I just bought a new car for my RE's kid.
6. If you adopt, then you will get pregnant.
* But I only want one kid. If I got pg after, I would have to abort it.
* After spending 20,000 to 30,000 dollars in adoption fees, I won't be able to afford to get pregnant.
If you have heard any other assvice lines and/or have any other comeback remarks, please add them in the comments section.
I've never been pg,so I haven't miscarried (a blessing), but if you would like to share assvice received by those who've had that shitty experience and what you'd like to tell them in response to their shitty assvice. That's if you don't mind.
Also, I'd like to hear from secondaries who got the following assvice, "At least you have one kid, you should be thankful."
Anyway, that's my treat to all my readers for listening to me bitch this week.
Happy New Year! Let's make a resolution(and keep it) to get pregnant this year!