Comebacks for Assvice from fertiles...
Inspired by Yellowgirl, some of these are hers, and I will post for your enjoyment!!
1. Assvice: You can have one of my kids, they are driving me crazy!(From someone who is also pg.
* Your two are already used--I want a new one. Can I have the baby when it's born? (yellowgirl)
* Let's go to a lawyer to draw up the papers--I want this done legally.(Yellowgirl)
* Well, I wouldn't think of ever asking you for one, but since you mention it, I accept. THANKS. Can I have the new one? (Yellowgirl).
* Sure, but don't come try and take them back next month!
* No thanks. I don't like those. Can you make me a new one?
* No thanks. Yours are already potty trained. I was looking forward to changing poopy diapers.
2. Assvice: You could always adopt.
* Adoption. Never considered it. Since you offered, why yes, I'd love to! (Yellowgirl)
* Adoption--great! Do you *just* have 10k I can borrow? (Yellowgirl)
* What?? And miss out on morning sickness and stretch marks! No Way!!
* No thanks. I was looking forward to giving myself shots during IVF.
* I want an excuse to eat for 2 for nine months.
* Adopt? And miss out the opportunity of cursing my husband during labor for knocking me up?
* Adoption? Sure, but there is a shortage of infants. Can you make me one and I will adopt it?
* Great idea!! Will you do the homestudy for me?
3. Assvice: Maybe it's not in the cards for you to have children.
* Oh, I better become a crack whore then, because it's sure in the cards for them to have kids.
* Maybe it wasn't in the cards for you but the stork delivered to the wrong house!
* Nah! The stork's just pissed off because my cat killed one of his bird cousins!
4. Assvice: If you just relax it will happen.
* Next time they are sick or in pain, tell them it will go away if they "just relax."
* When they are screaming of labor pains, tell them, "Just relax and the baby will pop out. The baby doesn't want to come out and hear all that screaming."
5. Assvice: Take a vacation and you will get pregnant.
* That's right, my sperm will be stronger/eggs will be better if they get to go to the beach.
* A vacation! My reproductive system has already been on vacation for (insert time you have been TTC).
* No thanks. I'd rather throw away $10,000 in another failed IVF cycle.
* I can't. My RE is taking a vacation with the money from my last IVF cycle.
* No thanks. I don't want to get pg by having sex! That's disgusting!!
* I can't. I just bought a new car for my RE's kid.
6. If you adopt, then you will get pregnant.
* But I only want one kid. If I got pg after, I would have to abort it.
* After spending 20,000 to 30,000 dollars in adoption fees, I won't be able to afford to get pregnant.
If you have heard any other assvice lines and/or have any other comeback remarks, please add them in the comments section.
I've never been pg,so I haven't miscarried (a blessing), but if you would like to share assvice received by those who've had that shitty experience and what you'd like to tell them in response to their shitty assvice. That's if you don't mind.
sharing.
Also, I'd like to hear from secondaries who got the following assvice, "At least you have one kid, you should be thankful."
Anyway, that's my treat to all my readers for listening to me bitch this week.
Happy New Year! Let's make a resolution(and keep it) to get pregnant this year!
1. Assvice: You can have one of my kids, they are driving me crazy!(From someone who is also pg.
* Your two are already used--I want a new one. Can I have the baby when it's born? (yellowgirl)
* Let's go to a lawyer to draw up the papers--I want this done legally.(Yellowgirl)
* Well, I wouldn't think of ever asking you for one, but since you mention it, I accept. THANKS. Can I have the new one? (Yellowgirl).
* Sure, but don't come try and take them back next month!
* No thanks. I don't like those. Can you make me a new one?
* No thanks. Yours are already potty trained. I was looking forward to changing poopy diapers.
2. Assvice: You could always adopt.
* Adoption. Never considered it. Since you offered, why yes, I'd love to! (Yellowgirl)
* Adoption--great! Do you *just* have 10k I can borrow? (Yellowgirl)
* What?? And miss out on morning sickness and stretch marks! No Way!!
* No thanks. I was looking forward to giving myself shots during IVF.
* I want an excuse to eat for 2 for nine months.
* Adopt? And miss out the opportunity of cursing my husband during labor for knocking me up?
* Adoption? Sure, but there is a shortage of infants. Can you make me one and I will adopt it?
* Great idea!! Will you do the homestudy for me?
3. Assvice: Maybe it's not in the cards for you to have children.
* Oh, I better become a crack whore then, because it's sure in the cards for them to have kids.
* Maybe it wasn't in the cards for you but the stork delivered to the wrong house!
* Nah! The stork's just pissed off because my cat killed one of his bird cousins!
4. Assvice: If you just relax it will happen.
* Next time they are sick or in pain, tell them it will go away if they "just relax."
* When they are screaming of labor pains, tell them, "Just relax and the baby will pop out. The baby doesn't want to come out and hear all that screaming."
5. Assvice: Take a vacation and you will get pregnant.
* That's right, my sperm will be stronger/eggs will be better if they get to go to the beach.
* A vacation! My reproductive system has already been on vacation for (insert time you have been TTC).
* No thanks. I'd rather throw away $10,000 in another failed IVF cycle.
* I can't. My RE is taking a vacation with the money from my last IVF cycle.
* No thanks. I don't want to get pg by having sex! That's disgusting!!
* I can't. I just bought a new car for my RE's kid.
6. If you adopt, then you will get pregnant.
* But I only want one kid. If I got pg after, I would have to abort it.
* After spending 20,000 to 30,000 dollars in adoption fees, I won't be able to afford to get pregnant.
If you have heard any other assvice lines and/or have any other comeback remarks, please add them in the comments section.
I've never been pg,so I haven't miscarried (a blessing), but if you would like to share assvice received by those who've had that shitty experience and what you'd like to tell them in response to their shitty assvice. That's if you don't mind.
sharing.
Also, I'd like to hear from secondaries who got the following assvice, "At least you have one kid, you should be thankful."
Anyway, that's my treat to all my readers for listening to me bitch this week.
Happy New Year! Let's make a resolution(and keep it) to get pregnant this year!
posted by Lisa @ 9:35 AM
9 Comments:
At 2:49 PM,
Anonymous said…
I don't think you should be so bitter. We're infertile and spent many years and mucho dinero on IVF. I would suggest you actually consider adoption from a foreign country. Your anti-adoption stance is a little disheartening. We were worried about the home study and expense, but believe me, after 10 years of IVF, you might chnage your mind.
At 9:05 AM,
Anonymous said…
Anonymous - I think you're taking this post a little too seriously. Adoption is not the easy solution so many think it is.
Thanks for posting - I don't have any to share but I'll file some of these responses away to use if ever needed!
At 10:20 AM,
Lisa said…
Anti-adoption? How can I be anti-adoption when I almost foster/adopted an infant last week?
Read my archives. I'm open to any method of having children.
This post is called a "joke"
At 11:49 AM,
Anonymous said…
May your biggest dream come true next year. Smile more, you deserve it!
At 1:29 AM,
Anonymous said…
Don't worry Lisa I got that your post is a joke!
Well I have never been infertile but as you know my first baby son William died and these are some of things that were said to me (they started when he hadn't even been dead a week!)
* You are young at least you can have another baby (Well this may suprise you but I didn't go through 9 months of pregnancy, 13 hours of labour, a c-section and nearly die for another baby, it was for the one I was pregnant with at the time, but hey maybe your different then me).
* At least you weren't like such and such who had their baby die of SIDS (or when the child was 1 or 3) because that would be much worse! Bascially saying aren't you lucky that your baby died when he did! (One loss cannot be compared to another, grief doesn't work like that).
* Just have another baby that will make it all better (Sure whatever you say, because of course you would know, oh that's right you have never had a baby die have you).
There's heaps more but you get the idea. See I sound really bitter when I write these things but I am not like that anymore. I have different comments to deal with now I have Jack.
This is my advice for people if you ever are going to start a sentence with "At least" don't speak! i'e At least you can adopt, At least you can have another baby. These comments do not help!! They suck lol
At 8:39 AM,
Anonymous said…
Wow! Lisa, I believe you have gotten your very first troll!!!!! Do you feel like a complete woman now? And to get your troll on a satrical post..... isn't it ironic (dontcha think?)...... Why do trolls (1) always post anonymously (2) not understand humor and (3) have poor reading comprehension skills?? Somthing to ponder.
Yellowgirl
At 1:17 PM,
Winnifred said…
that was hilarious!!!
Thank you :)
I cut and pasted a bunch to send to my dh... The cat/stork one got me laughing out loud in my cubicle because my cat keeps bringing us dead birds and it annoys me to no end... I should have known it was going to cause me "issues" ha!HA! :)
thanks again... :)
At 5:44 PM,
x said…
I liked the post, thought it was funny and I relate. Damn trolls
Here are a couple for you...
(we are MF due to vas-reversal, my hubbie has 3 kids)
1. If you don't get pg, you always have your step-kids - no shit really? Every other weekend with them is not a runner up prize, I love them but I never even saw them as babies.
2. A friend said "I'll send my hubbie over" - I said "didn't he have a vasectomy last year?" - friend "oh yeah, I guess you don't need another old fart with a vasectomy". No I don't and why don't you pull your foot out of your damn mouth while your at it!
Thanks for letting me vent!
At 4:01 PM,
Anonymous said…
Thanks so much for this post!
My favorite is: I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages, but at least you know you can get pregnant! I'd love to say, Yeah, actually, they're so much fun I should try to have one every month! or Good point, I'll try to remember that next time my (unborn) baby dies after just 5 weeks.
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