Jealousy
Ok, I admit.
I'm jealous.
Jealous of the fact that they have two beautiful children.
Jealous of the fact that they are being blessed with another in June, my birthday (Happy Birthday to me right?)
Jealous of the fact that she got pregnant on an IUD, when I can't get pregnant at all.
Sleep was better last night. The house settled down at around 10:30-11:00. They spent the day doing nothing again but finally looked at a couple places after L put a fire you know where....
I don't mind helping people, but there's a point they have to help themselves right? If there are no apartments, fine. But if you watch TV all day while we go to work, how do you find a place to live?
I am also afraid.
Afraid that I'll never experience the joy of pregnancy.
Afraid that the agency will place Soyoung with another family when they find out we have 7 people living in our small house (although she will have her own room).
Afraid that we won't have the first week of her visit to bond with her alone.
Afraid that after the Rita family leaves there will be no other children living in my home (at least while we own it).
Mostly, I'm afraid that L will get tired of my whining for children.
Also afraid that L will change his mind about children because of the wild ones living with us.
Jealousy, I know it's childish, but I long for what they have.
They do not have a "home", but they have children.
They are not working, but they have someone to call them Mommy and Daddy.
They don't know what to do next, but they know they have babies depending on them.
I'd give up everything I had just to be called Mommy.
I'm jealous.
Jealous of the fact that they have two beautiful children.
Jealous of the fact that they are being blessed with another in June, my birthday (Happy Birthday to me right?)
Jealous of the fact that she got pregnant on an IUD, when I can't get pregnant at all.
Sleep was better last night. The house settled down at around 10:30-11:00. They spent the day doing nothing again but finally looked at a couple places after L put a fire you know where....
I don't mind helping people, but there's a point they have to help themselves right? If there are no apartments, fine. But if you watch TV all day while we go to work, how do you find a place to live?
I am also afraid.
Afraid that I'll never experience the joy of pregnancy.
Afraid that the agency will place Soyoung with another family when they find out we have 7 people living in our small house (although she will have her own room).
Afraid that we won't have the first week of her visit to bond with her alone.
Afraid that after the Rita family leaves there will be no other children living in my home (at least while we own it).
Mostly, I'm afraid that L will get tired of my whining for children.
Also afraid that L will change his mind about children because of the wild ones living with us.
Jealousy, I know it's childish, but I long for what they have.
They do not have a "home", but they have children.
They are not working, but they have someone to call them Mommy and Daddy.
They don't know what to do next, but they know they have babies depending on them.
I'd give up everything I had just to be called Mommy.
posted by Lisa @ 5:42 AM
1 Comments:
At 12:28 PM,
Anonymous said…
It is such a pain sometimes to be a parent. I know, I know: you want it more than anything. But I am telling you just be careful for what you wish for. There are many things that I wanted in this life more than anything (or so I thought) and once I got them, they were nowhere near what I thought they would be.
Having children was one of them.
Best wishes to you.
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