A Daughter?

I now know why we haven't received anymore placement calls. Our worker called us last week to check up on us and told her to let us know when we wanted to get back on the list. I told her I thought we were still on it. She said that after her families get a placement, she takes them off the list until we are ready for another one. I told her I wanted another baby, but not sure when, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity. She suggested letting the workers in our parish know that if an infant comes into care to call us. She said it would be easier than transporting them to another parish for the visits(yes, we have to bring to child to family visits). I mentioned having to wait on So Young to leave anyway.

I guess it's a good idea. I won't get called for every placement, but we can pursue ones we hear about and may be interested in.

Anyway, back to the subject, Saturday morning we got a call telling us we would have no nurse Monday. With our very few available sitters, we called baby N's prior foster mom. She lives about an hour and a half away and asked if she'd like to keep him Sunday night and we'd pick him up after work Monday afternooon. She said she'd be glad to keep him during the day, but had recently got 2 other babies and could not keep him overnight too.

Ok, getting to the daughter part, I promise. She told me that she was getting a 1 year old little girl today, poor prognosis, and asked if we'd like to take her(of course, we'd have to talk to her caseworker). She's taking the girl to help out, but is really gonna be strapped taking care of 3 babies.

Then I started pondering. . .

We're already trying to get So Young another host family lined up(due to her sanitary issues with baby N and her pain in the ass father).

If L lets me go ahead and quit...

It would be like having twins...

Just sold the jet ski, use the cash for girl baby stuff..

I could give her a bottle...


Why is it that now that I have access to being a mommy, I want more kids than I originally thought I wanted?


Don't worry. If anything happens with the potential placement, I'll let you know!

Afternoon With Nanna

Dear baby N,

I have a surprise for you this afternoon. While you and nurse C are busy playing this afternoon, you will see that very special car pull into the driveway.

Nanna will be here to spoil you with lots of hugs and kisses and push back all my progress in getting you unspoiled from the arm. She is very excited to see you and wants to meet nurse C too! She misses you very much.

And, as requested by mommy(more like begged and pleaded), Nanna will sleep over in your room. I'm sure if you cry in the middle of the night, she will pick you up and spoil you, instead of just rubbing your belly to you get comfortable and go back to sleep.

Have fun playing with Nanna. Mommy wishes she could be there, but has to work for the big, mean company. I pray I get to be with you always after the adoption. Mommy loves you very much.

God Bless my mom!! I love being a mommy, but sometimes I just need sleep, especially dealing with court, chicken pox and hell at work.

Court Update

I can't say much but here's a summary.

Baby N stays in foster care(with me). His worker said we should have a TPR hearing in the next couple months. Bio mom lied a lot.

I came home and hugged and kissed my baby praising God he gets to stay with me.

So worth the MAPP classes.

So worth the infertility.

So worth the fight to get him in our home.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. It is looking good for us.

Chicken Pox Confirmed

Great...

This will now back up all his other medical appointments about 10 days! Thank goodness he has a nurse or one of us would have had to find a way out of work for a week!

We got an appointment with a plastic surgeon in Baton Rouge Aug 15, and Houston Aug 21. We're also waiting on the one in New Orleans to schedule us. I'm gonna let them have a race. Whoever gets baby N in first, gets the tens of thousands of dollars for his upcoming operations.

L told his pediatrician baby N was supposed to be in court Wednesday. I quickly jumped in and said, "if you say no, he doesn' t have to go." She shook her head no and wrote him a note.

I like this doctor! He doesn't need to spread them to all the other children anyway. I also got a referal for a 3rd plastic surgeon. If everyone keeps dragging ass on operating, I'm gonna keep shopping til' someone can get my baby his needed surgery.

So Young is back. Good thing she had chicken pox already!

Closer to Home

I forgot to mention this in my earlier post.

The was a family member who worked at Women's in Baton Rouge. She knows a plastic surgeon who works there very well. He also specializes in clefts(all cleft babies born there are referred to him). She doesn't think he's very backed up and if we have trouble getting in she will use her pull. Also, she said she can arrange to be the nurse in surgery with him.

Can you get any better than that? This would be a hell of a lot easier for us. Maybe there's hope after all for this state. Will update later.

Game Winners and Quack Doctors!

Question 1: Julie- guess of 8

Question 2: Rach - guess of 5

I really had little faith in my friends and family. Sometimes people come through for you and don't say stupid things. Here are the actual results:

You'll get pregnant - 0

Is mom on drugs? - 0

Surprised?? Me too. I am ashamed for thinking otherwise. I did ask my sister if she informed everyone of my blog game. She too was surprised that no one made those remarks.

There was around 20 people that attended, with a few extra men who hung out at my parents'(the shower was at my parents' neighbors). A special treat, my college roomate and best friend was there with her husband. I was so excited to see her. Also, the friend I was recently a bridesmaid for was there. Maybe she's back to her old self now that wedding planning is over. What I did hear a lot..."congratulations" and "we'll keep you in our prayers."

How hard is that? "We'll keep you in our prayers," is a nice thing to say. Do ya'll like hearing that?


Oh yeah, my sister is getting married next July!

In other news, when I did baby N's 3am diaper change I felt 3 bumps on his head. I thought, "oh shit, he got eatin' up by mosquitos and his mom's gonna have a shit fit." He also had one on his forehead.

I proceeded to put medicine on each of the bites, but this morning, I noticed a few more, a couple on his arm. Later in the day, I noticed 2-3 more on his face. They looked like seriously swollen ant bites is the best I could describe them. Then L and I thought it over and said...

"chicken pox?"

I had them when I was younger, but not sure how dangerous it is for infants to have them, so I brought him to the emergency room to confirm my theory, or hopefully tell me he was just allegic to something...I knew I should have went to a hospital out of town

I KNEW IT!

Anyway, the conversation with me and Dr. Quack(not my RE, but the emergency room doctor):

Quack: What seems to be the problem?

Me: Well, he has the bumps on him, at first I thought it was mosquito bites, but then they started spreading..

Quack: Do you have any animals?

Me: Yes, but they are outside. I went to my parents' and they have a couple cats(who are all treated for fleas).

Quack: Looks like flea bites to me!

Me: Then why are they spreading?

Quack: Oh, really, you think they are spreading or maybe the bites are just coming out?

Me:(getting pissed), they are spreading.

L: Is it chick pox?

Quack: It could be. This sore here has some of the characteristics. I don't know. Take him to his pediatrician tomorrow and get her opinion. Even if it is, it's not like it's life threatening.

Me: Ok...

Quack: I'll write him a prescription for some cream and if it is chicken pox, this will help.

(Quack leaves the room and my mom calls)

Mom: So what's going on?

Me: Quack, Quack, quack, quack, quack QUACK!!! Then I proceeded to tell the story.

The sad part, L takes the prescription to get filled and every pharmacy in town is out of it because the hospital already sent 10 or so other prescripions for kids who had chicken pox!

Ok, you're supposed to be a doctor....Chicken pox are going around, but you can't tell me whether or not baby N has chick pox?

I should practice medicine!

Let's Play A Game

As most of you probably already know, this Saturday is my baby/adoption shower. I think the hostesses sent out about 100 invitations! I forgot I knew that many people!

Anyway, I'm sure my infertility will be a hot topic, and I'll get the well-intentioned assvice and comments. Of course, I will grin and bear it, since attending my shower means they are supporting my adoption and welcoming my precious baby to the family.

Alright, this is a very easy game, and leave your guesses in my comments. How many times will I hear the following remark:

"1. Now that you're adopting, you know you're gonna get pregnant."

I will recognize the winner as soon after my shower as baby N lets me have computer time.

Oh, in case of a tie, here's the tie breaker question...how many times will someone ask...

"2. Was his mom on drugs?"


My guess, question 1: at least 15 times

Question 2: 5 times

Oh shit, that means I have to keep tally at my shower. Oh well, at leasting counting will keep me from snapping back.

Oh, another thing, MIL will not be coming to the shower but sending a gift. L says she's bought lots of stuff for him(God Bless her, I've never bought diapers or wipes because she keeps me stocked up). Anyway, I told L it's not the gifts, it's the support.

Really, I mean that. Just by attending, I know they are supporting me and it means a lot to me. I guess I'll let it slide, she has babysat every afternoon(after that one bad day) and would not take money.

Don't forget to leave a guess for question 1 & 2!

Back to Texas

Why do I even F*ck around with doctors and hospitals in Louisiana, when I know, deep down, eventually I will need to make the drive to Houston for any medical problems beyond a stuffy nose?

I called the cleft team in New Orleans. It had been a month since baby N's consult and I heard nothing. Here's what surgery lady had to say:

Me: I took baby N for a consult with the cleft team about a month ago. What do I have to do about getting surgery scheduled?

Lady: Hold please...(a few minutes later). I checked his file and Dr. Cleft hasn't even written a surgery plan for baby N.

Me: Ok, it's just been a while and I haven't heard anything.

Lady: Oh, well Dr. Cleft went on vacation, then I went on vacation.

Me: So when can we get him scheduled for surgery?

Lady: Well, he's already booked until the end of October, and I can't schedule you until I get the report from Dr. Cleft.

Me: Well, he really needs to have this done. It's been put off long enough.

Lady: I'll call you probably at the end of the week and tell you the next step. Don't worry, we're gonna fix him.

Me: (irritated)....OK.

I call L and tell him about the bullshit and he calls be back 5 minutes later:

L: I got him an appointment at Texas Childrens on Aug 21. They said when we leave the consult, we will have a surgery date. They are only booked up about 3 weeks!

Me: What about medicaid?

L: The lady said the office will take care of that.

Me: Ok, then you need to call OCS now, and get whatever permission you need to take him out of state, and make sure you have all the proper surgery authorizations.

L: I will.

Well, L called OCS and baby N has not yet been assigned a new worker and the supervisor is in training all week.

I'm not cancelling with Dr. Cleft. We're gonna see both of them and see who can get him in the fastest! Besides, I'm still kinda pissed at Dr. Cleft's remarks about checking him for genetic defects and saying he won't do surgery if he has any serious genetic conditions that will kill him in a few years!

I wonder if he was adopted, and already on my private insurance if we could get in quicker?

So, You Think That's Funny??

(Warning: gross post ahead)

Still reading, Ok, you were warned.

So, yesterday baby N was in his exersaucer while I was fixing supper,playing along his merry way. He starts crying. It sounded like an "I'm spoiled and just want to be picked up cry", so I baby talked to him that he was alright to to keep playing, watching him, of course.

Then I said, "ok stinky, mommy's coming check your diaper,but if you don' t have a diaper, you're gonna play for a little while."

I walked over, smelled, gagged, then looked. He had one of them exploding diapers. All over his legs. All over the exersaucer.

I stripped him and started running bath water. When I got him semi cleaned up to take to the tub, he started giggling!

Very funny! You could have just told me you wanted another bath!

Best Buddies

Have you ever seen anything like this before?





Basil(the dog), was scared of the lighting and decided to hide in Buddy's cage(my bad kitty:



Now, before you call the animal cops on me. The cage is under a covered patio, where kitty is kept cool and comes indoors for attention. I just don't want the litter box in my house. It smells too bad, no matter how often you change it!


But Mommy, I'm too lazy to crawl! I'M GOING TO SLEEP!!

Email Communications

After L being severely pestered by bio mom for our phone numbers, I told L if it was ok with our worker, I'd be willing to communicate by email.

There is just no good reason for her to have our number:

1. She'd be calling all the time
2. Baby N cannot talk
3. I don't want to get in a "he said, she said" war over phone calls.

With email(correct me if I'm wrong):
1. Everything will be written down for our records.
2. That handy little delete button is always an option.
3. If I'm nice, maybe I can get more family pictures for his lifebook.

I got email addresses for bio mom, her boyfriend, and baby N's godmother.

His godmother wanted to make him an album, so I am in the process of sending all the pictures I have of baby N (without us in them). She wrote me back and said she had a couple she could send me. I then asked her if she had any pics of him from the hospital, or or his grandparents.

I REALLY wanted to ask for a picture of the father, but it's a touchy issue right now. I know his dad is a piece of scum who denied baby N was his son and signed away rights, but baby N may be curious about him one day. I am going to do everything in my power to get a picture of his father, and grandparents.

I also received my lifebook, which is actually a baby book. I will be using the one given by OCS to put info about his biological family. It's difficult. I feel bad that it is so blank. Maybe his caseworker can find some of the info in his file.

I was proud of myself for remembering one thing pretty cool. There's a question that asks what foods mommy liked while pregnant. At the hospital, I remember bio mom saying she ate lots of boiled seafood during the pregnancy.

I should call former foster mom too. I don't have any "newborn" pictures of baby N. I really hope she took some.

Wish me luck on the detective work!

Family Visit

Another one yesterday. God bless L for taking baby N to these.

Feeding lesson #3 for Bio mom.

-Failed to unclamp the feeding tube before pushing the formula through the syringe, causing formula to explode everywhere. Did this severval times during one feeding. When I went to feed him later that night, the feeding tube broke apart! Never had that happen.

-Did not detach the syringe from the feeding tube before pulling out the plunger to refill the syringe. This will actually pull some of his formula back out of his stomach!

My 15 year old exchange student(who lacks common sense) figured it out after watching us once.

Ok, I'm not judging. Will have nurse C show her again next visit.

Baby N's godmother(for now) showed up to the visit yesterday. Turns out L knows her. She was at our wedding(I hate this small freaking town). She was a friend of L's friend, who used to date bio mom. L calls this friend and says he BETTER NOT give her our address!

Also, I personally know baby N's bio grandma on the father's side. I don't think she knows I have him, although I'm sure she had the opportunity to take him, but for one reason or another couldn't.

I say we move out of the parish after the adoption is finalized. What do you think?

Still Infertile...

CD2. Not pregnant. Big surprise there..

At least I'm having periods again. I'll never do lupron again, unless it's part of a future IVF cycle.

I'm so tired of hearing, "After you adopt 2 or 3, you'll show up pregnant, I promise. I've seen it happen many times." I mean, if adoption was the cure for infertility, I would have done it long ago.

People, please listen:

ADOPTING WILL NOT GET YOU PREGNANT!!

I've been told this so many times the last month that when someone starts with, "you know now that you're adopting.." I cut them off and say, Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna get pregnant!

I may never get pregnant, but God could always work a miracle. Either way, I currently have my own little bundle of joy that I would have never had in my life if I hadn't experienced infertily.


Experiencing infertility has made me appreciate the small stuff:

-I love doing baby laundry
-I am more tolerant of the sleep deprivation from a baby.
-I praise God for the little one the wakes me up for the 3 am diaper change(well, most of the time).
-Once he starts the slightest bit of laughing, I will continue to make a complete ass of myself for more giggles.
-Everything he does is cute.
-I want pictures of everything.
-I am blessed to change a nasty diaper
-I am blessed with a car packed full of baby equipment and medical equipment every time we travel.

Best of all...MY HOUSE IS FULL!

Tamara says infertility is one of the greatest gifts God has given her.

I'm beginning to agree, though I still long to be pregnant.

Regaining My Sanity

Slowly, but still stressed as hell.

Good thing there's a huge picture of baby N smiling on my computer wallpaper at work. Otherwise, they would be no reason to come to this hellhole.

A Special Treat

Since I only used a nurse 2 days last week, I had one on Saturday!

First thing on my mind, Yay! I get some sleep!!!

Of course, Saturday morning I figure why sleep all day. I need to start baby N's scrapbook. Of course, I had no baby scrapbook materials(couldn't torture myself into buying any before baby N), off to the store I went. I only finished 2 pages, but it's a start.

I felt kinda guilty having her here, like I was delegating all my mommy duties, but the break was awesome. To get to play with baby N, but have a few hours not to jump at his every whim.

Speaking of whim, lil' booger is waking up now. Will write more tomorrow before work!

Baby With Instructions

That's how my baby N came to me. Those instructions were to be followed, or else...

-feeding procedures and times, including a recipe for his formula/rice cereal/babyfood mixture and amount to be fed.

-Nothing in his mouth(although his plastic surgeon revised that rule and we can give him a little pedialite by bottle.

-Wash hands before feeding, after diapering, before putting medicine on his cleft and peg(duh!)

-Steps for vomiting, that included the phrase "may cause death" in it.

-Sleep inclined.

-Keep him sitting up an hour after feedings.

-Complete bath(yes, his prior nurse felt the need to tell me to bathe him daily!)

There is really too many to remember, and I don't yet know the reason for all of them, but I follow them, because I want to keep him, and keep him safe.

Nurse J comes in(not our regular nurse) and is concerned that his formula mixture is too thick and he's putting on weight too fast and afraid of him becoming diabetic or something. Like I really need more to worry about! She suggested thinning the mixture. She really said this out of concern, but thankfully, by mistake his regular nurse, nurse C came this morning too and the had a discussion on whether or not to use less cereal in the mixture.

Anyway, nurse C called me at work (because she let nurse J stay to get the hours), and said please do not change his formula. My son had reflux,so I know a lot about this. The formula mixture is thick because it keeps him from throwing up. A thinner mixture is easier to throw up.

I'm with nurse C at this point. She said nurse J is right about using less cereal, but that applies to healthy babies. Baby N has special needs. His doctor will let you know if he's gaining too much weight.

It's tough we you have conflicting opinions on how to feed your baby. It's scary. I feel like a bad mother. I want to go with my "motherly instinct", but will have to answer to so many people if that instinct is wrong and I act on it.

I can't wait until he is mine, and I don't have to worry about pleasing everyone.

Nightmares

Baby N had a rough night last night. Woke up several times and did not go back to sleep easily. Still managed to have 2 nightmares. Which do you think was worse?

1. I am at an infertility clinic having some sort of procedure done and I'm brought into this room shared with 3 other women. As I'm walking by to my bed, 2 of them were having abortions performed. I started crying hysterically at how unfair it was to be in a room with 2 women who were choosing to kill their babies when I could not even get pregnant.

Later, I was outside and all the staff at the clinic were hanging out. I asked them why they put poeple having abortions in the same room with people doing IF treatments and that this needs to stop. They said they couldn't stop and would have to shut down the clinic if they did.

2. Baby N's feeding tube peg came completely out around 3am in the morning. We were deciding whether or not we had time to drive him to an out of town hospital or if we had to take him to the crappy one in town.

I know where dream #1 came from. I'm beginning to spot, and yes, I still get upset when my period arrives. I still want to get pregnant. I want to have a baby that doesn't come with instructions from the state, that I don't need a court order to have medical treatments done.

Dream # 2, baby N's tube site has been leaking. I know it can't really come out though.

What a night!

Confusion, Confusion..

Many of you fostering are aware of this confusion trying to get things done with social services.

Well, the procedure itself went fine, but the hospital and social services took almost 5 hours to get their communications straight!

The hospital wouldn't let us sign consent for surgery. Our worker gets bio mom to sign consent. The hospital will not allow this either b/c he is in state custody. We ended up having to get a court order signed by the judge so baby N could have tubes placed!

Thank God we didn't get bumped and have to come back another day. We were lucky the doc was booked up and was able to skip baby N until the mess was straightend out! Of course, that was longer baby N had to go without eating. We arrived at 6am, didn't get his tubes til 11 am and didn't get to leave the hospital til 1:30!

Baby N did fine though. It's all over now. One surgery down, 3 to go. We're making progress slowly but surely.

At least I know for the next surgeries, I will make sure judge, bio mom and social worker sign consent forms.

What a mess!

You Might Be from Louisiana If...

- The crawdad mounds in your front yard have over taken the grass.
- You greet people with "Howzyamomma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"
- Every so often, you have waterfront property.
- When giving directions you use words like "uptown," "downtown," "backatown," "riverside," "lakeside," "other side of the bayou" or "other side of the levee."
- When you refer to a geographical location "way up North," you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold."- You've ever had Community Coffee.
- You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it. (also, Thibideaux, Opelousas, Ponchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya)
- You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.
- You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used. (Amen!)
- The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy "dressed" is healthier than a Caesar salad.
- You know the definition of "dressed."
- You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.
- The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab, and King Cake.
- You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
- You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you something."
- You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.- You don't realize until high school what a "county" is.
- You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors).
- You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people would refer to as a windbreaker) and throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads.
- Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
- You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.
- You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
- You describe a color as "K&B Purple."- You like your rice and politics dirty.- You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins."
- A friend gets in trouble for roaches in his car and you wonder if it was palmettos or those little ones that go after the French Fries that fell under the seat.
- You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
- You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.
- You realize the rainforest is less humid than Louisiana.

Ok, let's see if you can guess which parish I'm from. Here's a hint: we were under manadatory evacuation for both Katrina and Rita, although neither hit us. The winner...well you just get recognition! I'll give you til' Thursday when I'm back at work again. I even provided a map for your convenience. Happy 4th everyone!



Oops! You'll have to click on the map and zoom to read the names.

Swimming with the Alligators

We went to L's aunt's camp on Lake Arthur this weekend. It was kinda nice although Sunday morning I had to drag So Young away from the TV (Harry Potter again) to come outside and hang out with everyone.

His uncle took us in the boat and had one of those blow up jet ski floats to pull someone behind the boat in. We let So Young have the honors of going first. She was pretty good at it, but we managed to knock her in the water. I then took a short turn, and made them swear not to knock me off. Yes, I'm chicken I guess. They say alligators don't really mess with people, but you know my luck! So Young had a blast! I then informed her why I drug her away from the TV.


No, baby N did not go in the boat, so don' t call OCS. MIL came too, so I left the adults to play with him while we went riding. Speaking of boat, must ask case worker how old a child has to be to ride in a boat, because I honestly have no idea! Saturday evening, we had boiled crabs, crawfish and shrimp, my favorites! Sunday, more good food, along with margaritas. Oh yeah, they put some beer in the scrambled eggs mixture for fluffiness...interesting.

Nurse had stomach bug and couldn't make it so L got to spend the entire day with baby N (jealous here). He also experienced his first exploding diaper! I wish I could have been a fly on the wall and seen it.
Oh, everyone at church met baby N yesterday. I walked down the aisle with him sleeping in my arms and everyone staring knowing how happy I was!

Baby N(oops, almost wrote his name) has to be in New Orleans at 6am Wednesday morning for his tube! So Young's plane leaves for Oregon around 7, so I guess she needs to be to the airport around 5am! Thank goodness she's flying out of New Orleans.