Nightmares
Baby N had a rough night last night. Woke up several times and did not go back to sleep easily. Still managed to have 2 nightmares. Which do you think was worse?
1. I am at an infertility clinic having some sort of procedure done and I'm brought into this room shared with 3 other women. As I'm walking by to my bed, 2 of them were having abortions performed. I started crying hysterically at how unfair it was to be in a room with 2 women who were choosing to kill their babies when I could not even get pregnant.
Later, I was outside and all the staff at the clinic were hanging out. I asked them why they put poeple having abortions in the same room with people doing IF treatments and that this needs to stop. They said they couldn't stop and would have to shut down the clinic if they did.
2. Baby N's feeding tube peg came completely out around 3am in the morning. We were deciding whether or not we had time to drive him to an out of town hospital or if we had to take him to the crappy one in town.
I know where dream #1 came from. I'm beginning to spot, and yes, I still get upset when my period arrives. I still want to get pregnant. I want to have a baby that doesn't come with instructions from the state, that I don't need a court order to have medical treatments done.
Dream # 2, baby N's tube site has been leaking. I know it can't really come out though.
What a night!
1. I am at an infertility clinic having some sort of procedure done and I'm brought into this room shared with 3 other women. As I'm walking by to my bed, 2 of them were having abortions performed. I started crying hysterically at how unfair it was to be in a room with 2 women who were choosing to kill their babies when I could not even get pregnant.
Later, I was outside and all the staff at the clinic were hanging out. I asked them why they put poeple having abortions in the same room with people doing IF treatments and that this needs to stop. They said they couldn't stop and would have to shut down the clinic if they did.
2. Baby N's feeding tube peg came completely out around 3am in the morning. We were deciding whether or not we had time to drive him to an out of town hospital or if we had to take him to the crappy one in town.
I know where dream #1 came from. I'm beginning to spot, and yes, I still get upset when my period arrives. I still want to get pregnant. I want to have a baby that doesn't come with instructions from the state, that I don't need a court order to have medical treatments done.
Dream # 2, baby N's tube site has been leaking. I know it can't really come out though.
What a night!
posted by Lisa @ 5:48 AM
3 Comments:
At 6:23 AM,
No Longer In Crisis said…
Sometimes there is still disappointment for me, too. I want to get rid of the state, too, and finally have a baby that I don't have to explain!!
At 8:45 AM,
Julie said…
I hate nightmares!! I have never "tried" to get pregnant but am beginning to toss around the idea. Can't imagine what those nightmares will bring!
At 10:44 AM,
FosterMommy said…
I am with you on wanting a baby that doesn't come with instructions from the county. Nobody looking over your shoulder. Nobody's permission required to go out of state or to cut their hair or anything like that.
No questions as to who the parents really are.
If we could make a baby at home, I'm pretty sure we would have already started trying.
As it is, it's a whole *thing* to get pregnant when there's no man in the picture. Imagine that?! :)
I don't know what path we'll take, but I'm not counting on fostercare to grow my family for me in any permanent way.
Post a Comment
<< Home