Relaxed

I'm happy to report that I've had a good week. I haven't had a major breakdown in a couple weeks and infertility hasn't completely consumed my mind as it does sometimes. I am praying to remain this way through the rest of my treatment.

God is answering my prayers. Not the way I want, but the way He wants. I am attempting to put it all in His hands but find myself saying, "Lord, I put this in your hands, but you're gonna give me children eventually right?" I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am trying to surrender to His plan and hope that being a mommy is in there somewhere. I don't know what He has planned, but I feel like I was made to be a mommy.

Although still childless and not pregnant, I feel God is helping me to cope with this issue. I haven't accepted it, but the pain has eased somewhat(though not completely gone). I haven't been whining to my husband as much, and I enjoy babysitting, rather than just being envious. Maybe my mind is just pre-occupied with Christmas. Whatever the reason, I'm greatful for the relief of some of the pain, however temporary it may be. I pray I make it through the next couple months.

Potty Training

Help!!! How do I get this puppy to quit pooping everywhere? I've tried taking her outside a lot, but still has accidents. I did the rub in nose, couple swats and bring her to the puppy pad, didn't work. I know it's going to take time but any idea how long? Anyone have any good experience training small puppies. I've never had an indoor dog before. Well, she's only about 8 weeks old. I can keep my cool, but L can be a neat freak and I don't want him getting mad at her. Oh well, better clean up the messes before he sees them.

We found a home for Rose. She is now a cat companion for a pug with someone L knows. It's working out great. They love playing together and buddy is a MUCH happier cat now that he's the only cat. He's lovable again and started playing fetch with me again. Abbey even tried to copy him and pick up his ball in her mouth. It was cute. Other good news, Buddy did not hiss at Abbey one time. A miracle right? How odd, my stupid cat loves dogs, lol.

It's A Girl!

It looks like Abbey is an LSU fan too! Go Tigers!

Ahh, There's a good one.

Please excuse my pictures, I couldn't get them to line up like I wanted. This is part of my Christmas!

Abbey's Coming Home!!!

My dear, sweet husband has decided to pick my puppy up this afternoon. I will post a picture as soon as I find someone's digital camera I can borrow, because I don't have one yet (on my Christmas list).

Other good news: The airline called L back to set up an orientation/interview in Dallas in December. All prayers would be appreciated that everything works out. It would be great for L to have a job that he loves. Also, that would mean we could live just about anywhere. So, if I can ever get L to part himself from living on the bayou, we could move back up to the Baton Rouge area. At least then we wouldn't have to run from hurricanes.

I have a lot to be greatful for this thanksgiving despite not having children right now. I trust God, I know it has to be in His plan for me to be a mommy. I just don't know how are when.

Cajun Thanksgiving

I had a third grade teacher who once told us that she does fried shrimp for Thanksgiving instead of turkey. I was so jealous because fried shrimp is one of my favorite foods (hey! we have good tastin' food down here, not healthy). Well, I'm a picky eater and the only Thanksgiving food I eat is turkey. So when it's time to load the plate, I get a few pieces of turkey and proceed to the table. The solution to my problem. . .spaghetti dinner! Now I like spaghetti, but it has to be made by either my mom, dad or me. Anyway, I'm cooking a pot of spaghetti to bring to L's grandma tomorrow (who is the absolute nicest lady I've met in my life). I did this last year, now L asked me to make a little more because they were having extra company.

Sorry, no fried shrimp this thanksgiving. Although we do have about 30 lbs of shrimp and 10 lbs of catfish filets in the freezer. I just don't feel like peeling and thawing them tonight. Spaghetti is much easier. I think I'm gonna teach L how to cook. Oh yeah, I did coach him once over the phone. It came out good but he put a little too much Tony's seasoning (and I like spicy food, so it was a lot).

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Hopefully I will be to busy to write this weekend.

Puppy is Ready

Ok, this is really sad. No kids to talk about so now ya'll have to hear about my stupid puppy again. Sorry, nothing more interesting going on now. I'm going with the name Abbey (sorry sis, but you frowned at too many other names I was thinking about and am at the bottom of my list). I got the call saying she was ready to be picked up. Yay!! Not quite, don't get excited yet. L is torturing me (teasing me) about how long he's gonna wait to pick up the puppy. I will give him a couple more days to surprise me then I'm gonna get on him again. I REALLY want to have her before Thanksgiving so we will have 4 days to bond.

Any ideas of how to butter him up so he will get my puppy? No, sex didn't work, so I'll need another idea. Thanks.

Half Day Friday tomorrow!!

At the office, every 5th week or so I get off at noon on Friday. Tomorrow is my Friday! Yes! Hopefully L and I can do some fun stuff this weekend and not have too much work to do.

I asked L to call and check on my puppy. She is about 6 weeks old now. I'm curious to see if she's ready to come home yet. I don't mind leaving her til' 8 weeks with her mom, but I want to make sure she isn't already being separated from her mom anyway. If she's only gonna wait 2 more weeks in a cage and not see her mom then I'm ready to bring her home now.

I think I have a name. What do ya'll think about Abbey? If you have any better names let me know.

Lupron Started--3 Month Countdown

Well, I went to borrow a nurse from the rinky-dink doctor from this small town I live in. She told me come before 11, and she would give me the injection. Of course, since I didn't have an actual appointment, I had to wait an hour! (not that is was her fault). Then, I had to wait for 15 minutes to make sure I didn't have a reaction. You want to know the best part? I went to pay a co-pay and I had a credit of $69! Damn! I haven't seen this doctor and over a year and they didn't have the decency to mail me my refund. Keeping my cool, I politely asked if they could just refund my money. The receptionist asked, "I thought you wanted to save the credit when you come back for more shots?" I politely informed her again, that I would not need to be coming back and would like the refund. She wrote a note on my chart. Will I get my check? Stay tuned for more details. What a pain in the Ass that was! Firguratively and literally.

L made me an appointment with Dr. New Orleans for November 30. I appreciate the effort on his part, but I told him several times not to make it for 3 months because Dr. Houston wants him to do a checkup when I finish treatment while I'm in for the consult. I called to re-schedule and apparantly, Dr. New Orleans doesn't schedule appointments 3 months in advance so I'm to call back at the end of December and try again, with assurance with receptionist that he wouldn't be booked by then. Let's hope not.

In the meantime, I'm working on getting my records transferred from Dr. Houston's office. I'm just waiting on a return phone call to give them the address.

Buckle up! We're about to go on the lupron roller coaster ride. I hope it is a smooth one that I will not have much to write about it.

10 Foot Needle

Man!!! This needle is enormous! So is the syringe. Oh well, gotta suck it up and take it anyway.

Lupron is here

Well, my shot came in the mail. Yippie!! L has called one of our family doctor's offices to have someone give me the injection. Well, I have to go through a little more red tape before they can give me the shot. I have to get in touch with Dr. Houston's nurse and get her to fax our local doctor's office with some information to cover their ass. I guess that's good. I want them to adminster it properly considering it is so expensive. So anyway, I'm waiting for Nurse Houston to call, so I get get this treatment over, then comes the 3 month countdown.

L said the needle was big. I'm so thrilled to hear that. Yuck. Oh well, I won't be watching anyway. Please send your prayers that I will not suffer any bad side effects and that it will eliminate any remaining endometriosis that may still be there. Here's to hoping for the best.

Life Teen a Success!

Well, last night was our group's life teen class to present. It went great and I was finally able to come out of my shell and feel like part of the group. The room looked awesome and I think the kids had a good time and learned something too.

My talk went pretty well. I wasn't nearly as nervous as I thought I would be. I forgot one line for the skit, but oh well, I just had to stop a second and wing it. Also, I asked around, and everyone could hear me talk. I guess the required speech class in college did prove to be useful. I think I surprised the others I volunteer with because I'm the "quiet" one. You know what they say about the quiet ones though?

Our shopping trip was nice. Got some good ideas for Christmas. I missed most of the game, but I think that was for the better. When I quit watching the LSU game, they ended up winning in overtime. I just had to remove my bad luck from the room.

Come on Tigers

Come on tigers, you can beat Alabama. My team is currently losing by three points. It's time for LSU to come back and kick some ass already.

Geaux Tigers!!!!!

Blog-O-Phobic

I think L is terrified of my blog. Everytime he's in the computer room with me and I open my blog, he leaves the room. More like, he hauls ass out of the room! I asked him, "what, you don't want to get in touch with my inner soul?" lol. He says nope. I guess in his own way he's respecting my public privacy. I just thought that was funny though.

Catching My Breath

Well, I'm semi-catching up at work, but now have another delay before I can get started on my monthly statements. Oh well, it's out of my hands.

I had a minor breakdown last night. Everything finally hit me, the results of surgery, the treatment I'm about to start, and the waiting I'm gonna have to do. I cried some, but handled it relatively well. We discussed Christmas last night, whether or not to put up a tree. I know Christmas is a holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus, but it's also a children's holiday. Anyway, what's the point of a tree with no Santa coming for our kids that don't exist. I want to keep the holiday spirit, but I don't know if it will be too painful.

Well L and I are going away this weekend and I hope to be able to take my mind off some things. Shopping is good for clearing your head right? I want to get some stuff for my puppy also, but L says to wait til Christmas. Do you think I should by her stuff before I take her home? It kinda feels like buying a crib and hoping the baby comes later. I'm glad I never bought any baby stuff because that would be hard to look at.

Friday, please hurry and get here.

Period From Hell

I am feeling like crap this week. Not only did AF have to make a visit, she made a painful visit (still visiting) this month. The cramps have been killers. I heard this was gonna happen about a week after lupron but I haven't taken it yet. Oh well, a big slap in the face telling me I'm absolutely not pregnant.

Still trying to catch up at work. It was all out of my hands so I'll just do the best I can.

I can't wait for the weekend. Hurry up Friday afternoon please. I need to get out of this crap town. I'm looking forward to Christmas shopping and getting things for my puppy. I can't wait to take her home, but I will because I want her to have enough time with her dog mommy before I take her home.

Going Nuts Again

I was doing fine when I got to work. Extremely busy and behind, but was working through it all. Now I find out I'm receptionist all afternoon and I still have a lot of work I am now not going to be able to get done. It's so frustrating. Maybe I should look for an Accounting job, you know, one where I do accounting.

I hate to sound ugly, but I'm feeling like crap and I really don't want to talk to everyone calling today. I need alone time with myself and my paperwork. That's why I became an accountant to begin with. I'm hanging in there and trying to keep my chin up, but I'm still hurting a lot inside and just need some time alone, or with just my hubby. I need to recite my prayer again from last night.

The reason I get stuck with all this extra work is because I have no kids, no responsibilities, so I have all the time in the world to do whatever they throw at me right?

Hanging in There

Well, I'm feeling slightly better this morning. I'm about to start another day at work. I'm trying to hang in there and keep my chin up. Trying to keep myself busy to pass the time. We're going Christmas shopping this weekend. Maybe that will help. Wait a minute...Christmas shopping but no kids to shop for. I guess I'll just have to play Santa for a friend's kids.

Oh well, I'll use the next 3 months to prepare my body for pregnancy, making my womb cozy and comfortable hopefully. We'll see.

Bedtime Prayer

Lord,

I know you know what's best for me in my life. I know you're reasons for not giving me children at this point in my life is beyond my comprehension. I know I must let go and put it all in your hands and you will carry me. I am grateful for your blessings. A loving husband. A loving family. A home and food on the table.

I know I may not ever understand why I must endure this struggle, but I know you love me and have an awesome plan for my life. Since everything is beyond my control and I must yield to Your will, all I ask of you now is one simple thing. Help ease the pain. Help me to sleep at night and hold tight to my husband during these times. Wipe away my tears. Help me carry this cross. Please, Lord help the pain go away.

Let me not be jealous of other people's blessing of children but be joyful for them and see Your miracle in the eyes of their children. Use me at church to help the teenagers in our program while I am waiting on my miracle.

Mostly Lord I ask that you keep my heart near yours during these struggles. Keep my husband and I close to you during our struggle and don't let it have a negative affect on our marriage.

The tears are falling now, but I know that you are standing over me now Jesus. I know you cry when I cry, and I know that you will provide for me, even if it's not what's in my plan. Help me to yield to Your great plan for my life.

Help me to yield, but please take away some of the tears and pain. I know their are only one set of footprints in the sand of my life right now. They are Yours, carrying me through this struglle.

No pregnancy before the new year

Just wanted to let you know AF is here. Yippie! Lupron here I come. No chance at pregnancy for at least 3 months. No good news coming for the holidays. No Christmas pregnancy. Another 3 months of doing nothing and waiting. At least I have my hubby. It's gonna be a lonely time, but I'll survive. I've done so for the last year and a half.

Christmas Puppy Coming, Need A Name. . .

L and I went to put a deposist on my puppy yesterday! She is 4 weeks old and adorable! She should be ready to come home with us around December 1. I need your help. Please give me some suggestions on some names for her. I'm looking for something pretty but energetic, in case she's a hyper dog. Her mom his silver colored hair so she should have light hair too when she grows up (although shes black and gold now, like all yorkie puppies are). Sorry, I have no digital camera yet (coming soon this Christmas though), so I have no pictures to help you out, but please give suggestions anyway.

Today is CD 29, no AF. Should I get excited? Probably not. Gonna wait a few days anyway before I get a nurse to give me the lupron. Prayers please everyone? It would be nice to avoid lupron treatment.

Lupron is Covered

Well, my lupron is 100% covered. Yay. Finally, a break.

Still on the phone at work. Getting very behind on my job. Boss is not happy and tried to get me out of it with no success. I guess he understands. I can't be both places at once.

L is putting a deposit on my yorkie today. It's a girl!! He better hurry because someone else wants both the puppies. The lady said she'd hold it for him until he could get there today because he called first. I still keep fearing it will be sold already, just like I feel like the baby will never come either. I'm sure she will keep her word.

L has strep throat. Should have seen the doctor days ago. The good news is he found us a good doctor in this rinky-dink town we live in. She graduated from the same high school as me. How cool is that? She also may get L to paint her house, so some fertility money may be on the way!

Receptionist Duty Again

DAMN, I absolutely HATE answering the phones, but I got the privilege to again run the switchboard at work today. I'm so exited!! On the bright side, I'd rather be answering the phone than throwing up like the receptionist is. The thing that irritates me is that they never mentioned in the job interview I would be answering phones, or I probably would have hit the road running. Then all of a sudden it all started. First, it was, learn the phones so that if no-one else is here, you can fill in for 5 minutes or so. Not long later, they fired a receptionist and I got two joyous days on the phone with about an hour of training! I am not the receptionist. I am not the back up receptionist either, but I still get screwed into answering the phone more and more often. I get the complaining they they have work that is important. Mine is not important?? I guess it's ok for them to stick me on the phone for 2 or 3 days and have a nice pile of work to tend to when I'm done and be WAY behind. The sole purpose of stressing out through college was to avoid EVER having to do that job. Security work was better than this.

Ok, I'm over my rant. Ten minutes til I go back to the phone. By the way, not only did I get stuck with more phone time, I also got other new duties as well. I don't mind being a team-player but when I'm behind and need help everyone's like "screw you." Oh well, maybe I will get promoted first. Something good should come of it right? I did get some work done for church and got to play some computer games, but I'm an ACCOUNTANT, not a RECEPTIONIST. I did accouting so I could be in my own office with paperwork and noone bothering me.

Anyway, I finally got L's stubborn butt to go to the doctor today. He's been having a bad cold. I hope they can do something for him.

Where's my Ass shot?

Ok, it's been nearly a week. Where is my lupron before I chicken out? Oh yeah, maybe it won't come for another week and I'll find out I'm pregnant and can send it back? (laughing hysterically). Anyway, since I can't get pregnant for 3 months, let's get this thing started already so my doctor can knock me up and move on to the next patient. They are waiting for the insurance company to bitch and moan about paying for a $1400 injection before finally agreeing. How long will that take? Long enough for the endometriosis to come back and have to do another laproscopy?

Ok, update on the doggie situation. L found me a female yorkie puppy that should be ready in early December. He is going to look at her and probably put up a deposit on Friday. So I'll get a baby for Christmas, just not a human baby.

Tonight's our planing meeting for religious education. I am working on my sermon (assuming they will let me give the talk, but I'm sure they will). I hope I don't chicken out. I've been hiding in the background and I guess it's time for me to step out and take a leap of faith. I'll update more on that tomorrow.

New Orleans Blame Game

WARNING: Very conservative political post ahead.If you are easily offended, do NOT read on, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Before I begin, I am not prejudice, and my heart goes out to the Katrina victims. I will only be refering to the lazy asses who will not work because they don't want to, not due to lack of Oportunity. This is mainly the fault of liberal politicians that taught them to depend on the government instead of giving them opportunies to take care of themselves. Below are several scenarios I heard about in some shelters.

1. I don't want that kind of sandwich-Some dear-hearted man called the local radio station and said a group of his was volunteering serving sandwiches to some evacuees. A man got pissed because they didn't have what he wanted to eat. The man apologized saying that's all they had and to receive the following smart ass comment from the man he was trying to help. I will not repeat that comment here, but it was ugly. You can email me if you really want to know. The guy left decided it wasn't worth his time to volunteer.

2. Job Offers- Several contractors needed workers for projects, so they wanted to give the opportunity to the Katrina victims living at the shelters. They wanted to give them a chance to work. They offered them jobs paying good money, no experience needed. They would pick provide transportation and feed them lunch. Not ONE person got off their lazy ass and accepted the job. They complain of no opportunity, but when they get a job offer they'd rather sleep!! Several big name companies (companies I'd kill to work for), also offered jobs with no response.

3. Bitch Session about Mexican Contractors-A group of New Orleans residents had a bitch session with the mayor about Mexican contractors rebuilding the city. What?? Somebody has to re-build and if they are not going to get off their lazy asses, pick up a hammer, and re-build, don't bitch when someone else gets the job that you turned down.

Anyway, you get the idea. I'm so sick of this blame game still two months after Hurricane Katrina. I would do anything to help these people help themselves, but I'm so sick of these liberal politicians keeping them unemployed, in sub-standard houses and giving them just enough government money to eek by. Oh yeah, I forgot, if the politicians don't help them find jobs and get the required education they have a huge block of voters that will vote however they tell them.

By the way, is anyone wondering why there were always plenty of buses to take everyone to the polls on election day, but when it was a matter of life and death, where were there great liberal leaders? Why did they NOT send buses to evacuate the city? It just makes me so mad for all those lives that did not have to be lost.

I know the majority are good, hard-working people. Again, I am only referring to the few bad apples in the bunch. Sorry if I offended anyone, but I had to get that off my back. Like I said, I am more angry with the crooked politicians that run the state, not so much the residents.