Help!

Warning!! This post may sound selfish if you are still struggling infertility and no children. You may want to skip if you're having a bad day.

A co-worker just asked for my cell phone number, because he knew a girl about to give birth(drug addicted) and doesn't think she wants the baby. I don' t know if I am excited or terrified. I told him if she was on drugs and didn't have a plan before birth, social services would take the baby.

Can I handle 3 babies?

Should I take this one instead of Princess since this baby could be legally mine right away?

Do I take this baby and Princess?

Will social services allow me to have 3 babies? I guess it would be the same as one baby and a set of twins?

Nothing could happen of this but please send prayers if I get called to take this baby. It will be a complete leap of faith and I really don' t know what decision to make at this point, but don't want to stress over it cause it may not happen.

It's probably a problem many of you would like to have. Like those people who suddenly come into lots of money and don't know what to do with it.

Little Head Poking Up

L went to check on Smiley before he went to bed and he was standing, holding onto the crib bars with his head barely above the bars laughing. He had pulled himself up to a standing position the first time! L was worried. I was ecstatic!

Another first, this Saturday, Smiley got himself into a sitting postion on his own. He's still not sitting up straight, but sitting with the support of his hands.

Princess is doing about the same as Sunday. They did say they were feeding are more and decreasing the sedation, but still an extremely slow process. I believe she will begin to heal faster once we can hold her and she gets the cuddling she needs. She's about 6 weeks hold, been visiting her the last two weeks, still patiently waitng to hold her and bring her home. Her worker is on vacation again this week. Must be nice to take off two weeks in a row. Anyway, I don't need much from her. I just need to sign papers saying we will be her foster parents and have her arrange to allow us to pick her up from the hospital when she is released.

Technical Difficulties

I know ya'll didn't think I had nothing to write about for 4 whole days did you? Of course not, I'm a foster parent! Our internet, cable, and phone have all been out and we didn't bother calling to report it, because we're about to switch companies.

Anyway, where do I start? I guess I'll start with Smiley because his update will be quicker.

Smiley's name should be changed to Grouchy, because he's been horribly fussy and cranky the entire holiday weekend. I think he has at least 4 or 5 teeth trying to come out. I see two bumps on the bottom front gums and he's chewing his finger in the back on both sides. Oh yeah, one milestone for Smiley. He pulled himself up into a sitting position for the first time. He's not sitting up straight yet, but I'm sure he will soon.

Princess came off the ventilator Friday, seemed to be doing well Saturday, but when I went to see her Sunday, she was back on the ventilator. I'm no doctor, but I don' t understand why they are not letting her heal. She was having difficulty breathing, but instead of turning the oxygen level up in the hood, they put the ventilator back on full blast, making it do ALL the breathing for her because they had given her some drugs to paralyze her so she "wouldn't squirm." This is the 3rd time they put her back on the ventilator. I saw her Friday and her breathing seemed fine.

I'm sure there's a reason, but I don't understand how she's gonna do anything on her own if they keep pumping her with sedation drugs! Why not put the ventilator on lower and let her try and take some of the breaths on her own? Do they not want to deal with her? We have been visiting two weeks and still have not gotten to hold her. I know she has lines attached, but we were allowed to hold baby D with lines attached at another hospital. Do you think the nurses don't want to bother moving her? I know the bonding will help her heal and I don't see how she will get better with so little contact. I guess I'm being a paranoid, impatient mom, but if she was my biological child and I had rights to her, I guess I could demand more answers.

Oh yeah, the hospital told me Princess didn't have a name. Her name is listed as baby, so maybe I will get to name her.

Well, off to work now. Remind me to tell you the adoption story I heard from Princess's Cardiologist. It's really good.

Why Can't They Just be Happy for Us?

Ok, I know my sister occasionally reads my blog, and my mom has been there once. I warned both of them that my knowing they may read would not hold me back from writing about them if I had something I needed to get out. I told my sister, "I'm giving you the address, but if you piss me off, I will blog about it." My sister is not who I'm refering to here. If you're a relative and continue reading, it's at your own risk because I have to get this out.

I'm tired of all the well-meaning advice from a couple people in my family, and my family are generally more supportive of the foster adopt situation than L's. I mean no disrespect to them and I know their advice is out of concern, but I know what I'm getting into. I'm tired of hearing the following:

"Are you sure you're ready to take another one, what about Smiley?"

"Do you know if she's gonna be healthy? What if she has problems? Are you sure a relative won't take her away?"

"You really need to focus on Smiley. He has a lot of catching up to do."

As you can see, this is questions of genuine concern, but they are hurtful too. It hurts me to hear that they would even imagine me neglecting Smiley to care for Princess. I don' t know the answers to all the health questions and the doctors won't know this young either. It's called having a prayer answered and taking a leap of faith and trusting in God.

Suppose I gave birth to Smiley, then popped up pregnant again a couple months later. None of you would tell a friend who got pregnant quickly after her first child any of this advice. Think for a minute about whether you'd ask these questions to a pregnant friend....OF COURSE NOT!! That would almost be like suggesting they have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption so they can focus on their firstborn child. Insane isn't it.

Since I am adopting, why am I being asked these questions. I know it's because I can choose to leave Princess in the hospital with nobody. I don' t look at it as a choice, though it is, and I choose to take the baby. Who am I to pray and pray for a mostly healthy newborn baby girl, then turn her down because my kids will be close in age? Why can' t I just get a "congrats" like they pregnant woman.

Oh, to show you that I do know my limits with children. We were left a message to call a caseworker about 2 girls they needed a home for. We had to say no, of course, mainly because there simply wouldn't be enough days in the month to get everyone to court dates, visits and doctor appointments. I know after taking Princess, it will be all we can handle for a while until they grow up. I don' t have the space for 4 anyway. After Princess, we can a slot for either one boy or one girl, due to room sharing rules.

Kyleigh Elizabeth

will be Princess's new name should she become freed for adoption and we get to adopt her. Until then, we will just call her baby, sweetie or even Princess.

I called to check on Princess yesterday and they told me they tried weaning her from the breathing tube and she couldn't tolerate it. She will come around on her own time though. If only she knew if she could work hard to start breathing well, L and I could hold and snuggle her. I'll have to tell her next time we visit.

But It's Me That's Been Blessed!

While admiring my little Princess and holding her hand, I overheard one ICU nurse talking to another:

"Yesterday Princess didn't have anyone, and today she has a mommy, daddy and big brother. It makes me just want to cry. That's so sweet."

While flattered, if she only knew that Princess was a gift to me, and I am the one who's been blessed to have gone from infertility to having a baby boy and girl in about six months time!

Princess's caseworker was off this week, so I left a message that we would take her. The receptionist immediately put me through to the supervisor. We chatted a little about how she was doing and that the hospital would be in touch with us regarding her release. He said he'd email her caseworker saying we would take her and thanked me before hanging up.

Again I thought, no thank you for placing her with us.

Screw getting pregnant, morning sickness and labor! Of course, according to the urban legend, I should pop up pregnant soon right?

Teething

Apparantly, Smiley thinks I need some preparation for Princess's arrival. Now my little guy is doing me the "favor" of re-adjusting my sleep schedule to wake up several times a night to his wailing. He is eating, but being lazy with eating sometimes, because now I know he can do it. While he was screaming when I was trying to feed him I noticed two small bumps in his lower gums. Could he be getting two teeth at once? I'm in for trouble!

I called for an update on Princess and they are gradually weaning her off the feeding tube and she is still on IV drugs that require her to stay in the ICU. I know she won't be released this week, but maybe next week? I miss her so much. It was so hard to leave her at the hospital. Of course, no need to rush her home, I want her home healthy and strong. Please pray for a quick recovery so we can bring our little girl home.

Princess is Perfect!

We went to see Princess yesterday. I spoke to the nurse and she explained how they fixed her minor heart condition. I don' t know the medical name, but she said something about opening up a vein or artery or something and she may need one more small surgery, but no significant health problems. We are not sure what effects the cocaine exposure will have but we will pray for the best.

We agreed to take her. She was hooked up with a breathing tube and wires just getting out of surgery so I could not hold her yet. She should get the tube out in the next day or two, then stay in the ICU a couple days, be moved to a room a couple days, and hopefully be released in a couple weeks.

I'm trying to think of a way to sweet talk L into riding with me back to the hospital today. It is very difficult to find and not in the best area so I can't go alone. Anyway, I need someone else there to wait outside with Smiley cause his big mouth can't go in the ICU! If not, we will ride up there Wednesday night after work. I hate that the hospital is so far. I didn't want to leave her, but Smiley was being fussy so we couldn't stay long.

I will be calling Princess's caseworker Monday with an official yes. I do have pics, but you will have to email me.

Visitation Clearance Granted

We got a call from Princess's caseworker. We now have permission to visit her at the hospital!! Please send prayers that she is a match for our family in terms of medical needs.

One problem..L is tied up tomorrow and I'm not comfortable driving to or finding this hospital, so may have to wait til Sunday.

Foster parenting can be so exciting sometimes!

Little Toes

Per Julie's suggestion, baby N will now be referred to as Smiley, and should we take the new baby, she will be Princess.

Among Smiley's many medical needs, he is having a very minor surgery this morning to fix his toes. On each foot, one of the toes lays on top of another toe. I don' t know the medical term, but this is being corrected today. It should take less than 5 minutes.

After today, we should only have 2-3 more surgeries for Smiley:

1-2 surgeries for cleft palette repair
1 surgery for hypospadia repair

Oh yeah, I absolutely must brag on Smiley. He ate a whole jar of sweet potatoes! It was a smaller one, but he ate every bite, plus a little fruit, some juice all in about 20 minutes time! I'm glad I decided to hold off on Occupational Therapy. Now that his O/T told me it was safe to feed him, even if it came out his nose(sorry to be so graphic), I have less fear and can enjoy feeding my baby. Such small milestones are a big deal for Smiley.

Last night I had Smiley on the floor and he got into an almost sitting position on his own! He has also been getting into crawling position on his own and rocking, so his P/T thinks he will be crawling by Thanksgiving. On the other hand, his bio mom is SURE he will be walking in January for her birthday. Talking to Smiley's paternal grandma, she said his father did not walk until he was 2! It would be wonderful to have Smiley walking, or at least sitting well on his own before our Disney World trip.

We are just patiently working with him and celebrating small milestones

Good News and Bad News

The good news...we have a TPR date for baby N. We get to attend the hearing(should we?) and the last visit can be right after.

Bad news..it isn't until May!

I praise God anyway, because at least we finally have a date. The supervisor doesn't remember the exact date, but I better not post it anyway, just to be safe. Please pray for immediate TPR on that day.

By the end of next year I could be a mommy to my own son!

I still need an internet nickname for baby N, so please help me think of one.

Princess it is for the baby girl if we are able to take her.

Unprepared

Our worker called L yesterday. Apparantly, there had been a lot of complaints after the hearing on Tuesday. The judge was pissed because the state was not prepared, and sent most of the kids back home that day. Scooter's attorney did not show up and no one from the state spoke on his behalf.

Now don't get me wrong, Scooter seemed to have a safe, loving home to go to, but what about the other children. I am now extremely worried for baby N. Unlike Scooter, baby N's mom is not capable of caring for him, and returning home what put him in serious harm. Baby N's FTC is today and I told L to make sure they would have someone speaking for him at court. I wish I could go, but I already missed Tuesday for court.

Ok, on to the potential new placement. Yes, I am assuming she will be freed for adoption because her caseworker said she was a poor prognosis case, which is like baby N's case, where they are pretty sure, due to the circumstances, that the child will not return home.

She has to have a few heart surgeries, but I do not think her health conditions were as serious as baby D. Both parents are in jail, so we were told there would be no visits. She was born addicted to crack/cocaine. Poor lil' one. Why must babies be put through this?

If we take her, and she becomes freed for adoption, I will probably change her name, so let's have a little fun and tell me your favorite girl names. Here's mine, but don't laugh ok? I like the princess type names:

Arabella
Ariel
Isabelle
Tabitha

Darn, I'm drawing a blank now. Next, I need an internet name for her, and while you're at it, let's name baby N too. I hate to call him baby N forever, cause he will not be a baby forever.

New Placement?

Baby girl, poor prognosis for reunification. They want her in an adoptive resource home. She has some heart problems, is having surgery and then will need a home.

It's still a lot on unknowns, and a long-shot, but we'll find out more when we can arrange to meet her.

How to Respond?

I had such a nice post in mind about things I learned from Scooter, but then I received this comment:

From reading her blog, it does seem that she thinks every foster child will become legally free and hers. Its not like that. Her job as a foster parent is not to become their new mommy, but to act as a safe, caring place, until the child can return home.

I appreciate the well meaning honesty, but let me defend myself.

No, I do not think that every child will become freed for adoption and mine, but I do hope to build my family through adoption through foster care. I left out many details of Scooter's case that I learned from the caseworker which led me to believe he would be in foster care long term and that the dad was not expected to pass his homestudy.

Anyway, yesterday Scooter went home, with nothing completed that was ordered at the last court hearing. His attorney did not show up. If they were not gonna make him complete what was ordered by the court, why did they keep him in care a month rather than simply signing over custody at the 72 hour hearing. It was wrong to the child!

Since I got Scooter, I prayed that he quickly be placed in a permanent home that would be in HIS best interest. If he was going home, I supported that, but I wanted it done quickly for his sake.

I was happy for him. I put aside my own sadness until his dad came collected his things and took him home. I said goodbye with a smile, and I really didn't cry much. I did feel a since of peace, like God was assuring me he would be happy and safe, and I care about Scooter, and that's all I wanted, was his happiness.

I'm tired of everyone telling me that I knew what I was getting into and knew it was temporary and that I should be happy for the child rather than sad. I am both. I am happy Scooter got to go home, but does that mean I have no right to grieve for my loss, for a day or two, after a child I loved and cared for left my care? Oh, right, it's not MY child, so I can't lose what never was mine to begin for?

My explanation may not be acceptable to some foster parents, but I know my heart, and I wanted what was best for him. I am not upset or mad that he went home, nor am I questioning the judge's ruling, I am simply grieving briefly for my loss, moving on and praying for Scooter's happiness.

Please be respectful to my commenter who wrote this. I don't want any disrespect shown towards her, I just wanted to explain myself. I hope to adopt, but I am educated enough to know that every child will not be freed for adoption.

Sccoter Went Home...

Sniff sniff....

He's is God's hands now. He wont be the last though.

I'll post more when I feel better.

One Empty Slot

SY went to live with another family yesterday and now we have an opening for another child. I decided to wait patiently for my baby girl. No, I really will wait patiently with 2 boys keeping me busy!

We finally got baby N's feeding tube change and the doctor was a real asshole! Just some of the few ugly remarks L and MIL had to endure after a long night and recovering from sinus surgery:

-the surgeon had to take his daughter to school.
-he is in surgery so you will have to wait.

Then L said "let's go" and suddenly the surgeon happened to not be in surgery, but in his office and was there in the next 5 minutes.

A-hole: I hear your angry.

MIL: yes we're angry, this baby's tube needs to be fixed.

A-hole: Well, this is not an emergency! I'm the only pediatric surgeon west of the Mississippi River in the state(which I highly doubt), so you're just gonna have to wait!

MIL: Not an emergency?? This ONE YEAR OLD BABY, has not had anything to eat or drink since 4 pm yesterday, and he is leaking stomach fluids and his skin is all broken out!

A-hole: Don't get mad at me, I'm not the one who broke it!

A-hole doctor then proceeded to rip the feeding tube out of baby N's stomach and change it. We put a different kind in that has to be changed in 4 months, so he told us we had to come back to the emergency room so he could change it, instead of his office. I guess he figures that way he can make us wait all day!

Anyway, he will NOT be changing his feeding tube. I'm working on a referral for another doctor.

Ok, now to Scooter.

Court is tomorrow. He could go home, but it's not likely. All I heard is that some "red flags" have come up with dad, but can't get my hopes up just yet. Looks like my little man will be around for at least six months, but I should know more tomorrow.

Oh yeah, the sibling set of 4 last week...L's coworker is taking them! God bless him and his family. They already have to bio daughters and 1 foster son, so that will bring their total to 7 kids!

I was told I can't have another in diapers, so must try to quickly get Scooter potty trained! Of course, they will bend the rules if they need to.

Hospitals, Hospitals, Hospitals...

L had sinus surgery on Wednesday and I'm sure you all know how much fun a sick man is. On top of that, the surgery was supposed to be at 8:30am and they didn't take him in til 1pm!! They did call us the night before and tell us to arrive at 9 because the surgery was moved til 11! At 11:15, they wheeled him back to surgery and sent me to the waiting room. A little after 1pm, they called me and told me they just took him back!! wtf were they doing the past 2 hours! Anyway, I finally got to go back with him at 3 and he was discharged around 4:30! I was alone 4 hours in a surgery waiting room(kids were with mil).

He was not doing too well, so I agreed to take off yesterday, trying to keep family medical leave act as a defense. Anyway, MIL's school decided to close yesterday and today, so she was able to come by late morning and I was able to catch an afternoon of work.

And you'd think it would get better...right? Not hardly.

After feeding baby N around 8pm, formula and food starting GUSHING out of his stomach. I soon found out to my horror that the plastic piece that fits into the hole in his peg broke off! Great! Go directly to the ER for surgery, but not the ER in this shit town, they wouldn't know what a feeding tube is! After driving over an hour, they rigged it to close in the ER and sent us home, destroying my replacement feeding tube set in the process. The piece they rigged fell out before we got home and got lost somewhere. My poor baby N was screaming all night of hunger and leaking stomach fluids all over himself! He was supposed to have a minor foot surgery, so we could not feed him after midnight.

By about 2 am, I finally figured if I dismantled a feeding tube, I could use the plug in part to close the hole and tape it down with medical tape. This allowed us about an hour and a half to sleep, then had to wake up and get the kids dressed for surgery to be there at 6am! L and MIL were taking him to surgery and I went to work, since I will have to miss time next week.

Anyway, I just found out his foot surgery got cancelled, because the feeding tube broke and they cannot give him the medicines they need. L went back to the other hospital and they are now waiting on a surgeon who can change out his feeding tube. He is booked up and they could be there a while. I told them to mention that your baby has not eaten since 4pm yesterday, since his 8pm feeding leaked out of his stomach!

I am so worried and it sucks that I have to be here, but I may need to take off next Friday for the re-scheduled foot surgery.

Oh, today is baby N's first birthday. What wonderful parents we are making him spend it in the hospital!

Family Team Conference

Regardless of the new information on Scooter's dad from his mom, his "dad" has rights simply because he was married to his mom. It doesn't matter that he'd only seen him twice in his life and never had a relationship with him or supported him before now. Dad was at the FTC via conference call. Must be nice he didn't have to miss work like L did.

So basically, if he can work the case plan, the very fact that he was married to Scooter's mom will allow him to bring Scooter home. He does have to pass the home study though, and work the case plan. They did say something about drug testing and if he was positive, they would close the case and move for TPR.

Scooter's mom didn't show for the FTC or the visit afterward. Dad is now on supervised visits since the case is starting to get "ugly." Dad is not gonna be happy when the judge orders him to work a case plan and I'm not doing unsupervised visits after that for fear of a "he said, she said" war. During the conference, they asked L if he would be willing to adopt him if the dad couldn't pass the homestudy or work the caseplan. He said yes of course. Dad got pissed and started rasing hell over the phone(not that I blame him). I wonder if I will get hate email now? Dad said he was getting a lawyer.

I really do not know the outcome of Scooter's case yet, still in limbo.

In other news, L met the group of 4 siblings they asked us to take. He offered to take the 2 yr old girl,but naturally, they want to keep them together. They were sent to a group home and if they have to split them up, they will keep us in mind for the girl.

1st Birthday Party

Baby N doesn't turn 1 until Friday, but since L is having sinus surgery on Wednesday, we had his birthday party at my parents' house on Saturday. Baby N just kinda stared at his cake...until I stuck my finger in the icing and put it in his mouth..yummy! Should have seen his face! He then dug both arms into the cake.

I got Scooter a couple gifts to open up also. I won't be doing it next year if he's still with us, but considering he just came into foster care 3 weeks ago, he needed some toys of his own anyway.

Scooter's family team conference is today. I have to work, but L will give me an update so hopefully I'll have more news tomorrow.

Today is also both kids' family visits. Baby N's family is doing his birthday party for him today.

L just called a minute ago. Baby D's caseworker called us to take a sibling set of 4 from 2 to 8! L said we don't have the room, but they sounded desperate and like they would work with us. Six kids!! Wow! I'd definately have to try to prevent pregnancy then!

Foster parenting is so exciting sometimes! You never know what surprise will come up next!

Batman and Robin

No, I'm not a huge Batman fan, just a victim of the lack of selection in Halloween costumes size 12-18 months. Yes, Scooter and baby N had the same size costume. I'm working on fattening Scooter up a bit. Any ideas?

Trick or treating was fun and it was nice having kids to share Halloween with, even if they aren't legally mine. I never seen SY so willing to push baby N's heavy stroller, but since she realized she'd get lots of free candy, she was all for it. They don't do trick or treat in Korea(I guess because it's too much fun). I told her she should suggest starting it over there.

In other news, after baby N's mom made another angry outburst at OCS, the cw decided to order her into anger management!

A question to all of you experienced foster parents please. We got a letter about Scooter's family team conference. Our names and his mom were addressed in the letter. If Scooter is going home to dad, shouldn't he have to attend? Why should we have to take off work if his dad, the one they want to give custody to, doesn't have to come? Any ideas?