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You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Why Can't They Just be Happy for Us?

Ok, I know my sister occasionally reads my blog, and my mom has been there once. I warned both of them that my knowing they may read would not hold me back from writing about them if I had something I needed to get out. I told my sister, "I'm giving you the address, but if you piss me off, I will blog about it." My sister is not who I'm refering to here. If you're a relative and continue reading, it's at your own risk because I have to get this out.

I'm tired of all the well-meaning advice from a couple people in my family, and my family are generally more supportive of the foster adopt situation than L's. I mean no disrespect to them and I know their advice is out of concern, but I know what I'm getting into. I'm tired of hearing the following:

"Are you sure you're ready to take another one, what about Smiley?"

"Do you know if she's gonna be healthy? What if she has problems? Are you sure a relative won't take her away?"

"You really need to focus on Smiley. He has a lot of catching up to do."

As you can see, this is questions of genuine concern, but they are hurtful too. It hurts me to hear that they would even imagine me neglecting Smiley to care for Princess. I don' t know the answers to all the health questions and the doctors won't know this young either. It's called having a prayer answered and taking a leap of faith and trusting in God.

Suppose I gave birth to Smiley, then popped up pregnant again a couple months later. None of you would tell a friend who got pregnant quickly after her first child any of this advice. Think for a minute about whether you'd ask these questions to a pregnant friend....OF COURSE NOT!! That would almost be like suggesting they have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption so they can focus on their firstborn child. Insane isn't it.

Since I am adopting, why am I being asked these questions. I know it's because I can choose to leave Princess in the hospital with nobody. I don' t look at it as a choice, though it is, and I choose to take the baby. Who am I to pray and pray for a mostly healthy newborn baby girl, then turn her down because my kids will be close in age? Why can' t I just get a "congrats" like they pregnant woman.

Oh, to show you that I do know my limits with children. We were left a message to call a caseworker about 2 girls they needed a home for. We had to say no, of course, mainly because there simply wouldn't be enough days in the month to get everyone to court dates, visits and doctor appointments. I know after taking Princess, it will be all we can handle for a while until they grow up. I don' t have the space for 4 anyway. After Princess, we can a slot for either one boy or one girl, due to room sharing rules.



  • At 6:43 AM, Blogger MJ said…

    Im frustrated for you. Yes you want to consider medical needs, but heck it seems like smileys needs were way more than princesses are. I fully believe God only gives us what we can handle and the ability to do the hard stuff with his help. And he put her in your life right after you posted bout waiitn for a little girl, coincidence, i think not. Hang in there!

  • At 7:10 AM, Blogger ABlessedFamily said…

    I bet you want to scream!!!!
    My aunt actually said to me "Give her back so you can get on with your life." Give her whom?! I asked her if she would have given her children away. Of course not! Some people are so clueless. You are supposed to be Princess's mother...if for a month, a year or forever. God is putting you together! And I personally think it will be wonderful for both kids to have each other.

  • At 7:22 AM, Blogger Julie said…

    I know it is hard- I hear it too- I just have to look at it as the "they are geniunely concerned" people. Otherwise- I might scream at them. Occassionally- in a nice tone- I do give them the speech about well, if is was my birth child you would not be asking me these questions so why are you asking me these questions about adoption? I just chalk it up to ignorance on their part. My family now "gets it" for the most part. I don't get the questions. But I did have to be brutally honest to a couple of them. They understood once I put it out there. I also threw in- "It is not really my decision and I am trusting God with this- your going to have to do the same." That really shuts them up. Ha! Hang in there!

    People are afraid of what they don't know.

  • At 11:59 AM, Blogger TeamWinks said…

    You have some amazing points! Stick to your guns, and hopefully they will turn around soon.

  • At 9:07 AM, Blogger Just another Jenny said…

    Aside from your family, I am just happy for you. Princess sounds like an amazing little girl. It is so fabulous that you have a little girl and a little boy now. Both your heart and home will be overflowing!

  • At 7:43 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    I am sorry your family is acting like this. I guess they think because you are fostering/adopting, you can just pick and choose and why wouldn't you just pick a perfect kid? I don't know... You will do what is right for your family. Good luck.

  • At 3:26 PM, Blogger M said…

    Gosh. I'm sorry that some people don't get it. But, I must tell you I really admire you. I've been reading your blog for a long time, but never really left any comments. I think what you are doing is amazing. So many people wouldn't do what you are doing-- fostering and eventually adopting.

  • At 9:08 PM, Anonymous Lori said…

    It is amazing the things people think they can say. I don't doubt that you are frustrated and annoyed that they don't see the blessings that you do.

  • At 7:29 AM, Blogger Tamara said…

    Oh dang - those comments, and from those who love us - ugh. They would never say those things if you were pregnant - no matter how many kids you had. I'm sorry - those comments just keep coming, don't they. (We still get asked by well-meaning "friends" if Cookie "will have problems" in the future due to her drug exposure and would we have taken her had we known when we got the call. The comments never seem to stop.

  • At 7:57 AM, Blogger JUST A MOM said…

    I am so sorry, I remember all kinds of mean not thinking words comming from friends and family. They hurt big time. Sorry to drop in but I was a foster mom for 10 years for 30 somthing babies and adopted 3. Hang in there prayers for the baby.

  • At 2:47 PM, Anonymous Cheekie Monkey said…

    Tell everyone to screw off. None of their business. Sorry you are not getting the support you need. Hugs.

  • At 1:27 PM, Blogger Amanda said…

    I'm sorry. I really wish people could learn to keep their assvice to themselves.

    Good luck trying to get through to them. You're doing a great job!


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