Unanswered Prayers

Excerpts from Garth Brooks song and is holding so true in my life right now:

And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again
(chorus)
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers


Remember when your talkin to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.



And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life.

God knows what He's doing after all.

Btw, that test was taken this morning on CD 45 after urging by nurse C. No tears, just shrugged my shoulders and moved on, knowing there's a lil' one in the hospital now that needs me and will probably melt my heart when I meet him!

Email if you want to see him. The pic isn't very good and the rash is at it's worst in the picture though.

Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy!!!

I'm gonna have a house full of boys!!!

Current(and possibly future) boy count:
L
Baby N
Buddy
Basil
Baby D

Girls:

SY
Me!

SY will be leaving soon so that leaves me in the house alone with 3 human boys and 2 furry friends that are boys!

Cw is setting up for us to meet baby D! I'm getting that feeling I will be able to cope with whatever medical issues he may have. At the same time, I hope baby N won't mind sharing the attention because I have plenty love to give to both of them.

Baby N's mom was graciously granted a 2nd chance to start taking classes(her and her b/f) but refused! I would take classes everyday for the rest of my life to get him back!

I suggested to L getting a double stroller and he looked at me like I was a dork and said we'd each push a stroller. Gonna be hard when I go shopping alone with the two babies. Time for baby N to learn how to walk!lol!

Please keep sending prayers that I make the right decision.

More Info

Baby N born 11/10/05

Baby D born 7/11/06


If it's in God's will to adopt both of them, I'm sure I'll get some looks in public!

I bet people will whisper something about me being a baby making machine, popping out kids like candy...if they only knew...


Oh, more good news about yesterday. Baby N's mom didn't show up for the visit.

Baby D's cw said this is a rare case since the mom has run away the judge would probably classify him as "abandoned" and terminate rights very soon. We will probably change his name since he will be very young still.

Baby N is on a list of kids the judge accepted for TPR hearing, so we just have to wait for his turn.

Want a good laugh! Go visit my sister's website, titled "Jeanne's website" in my links. She is taking an AI class for cows and she got to collect a sample from a bull! Go to the blog part of her page to see the picture. In a couple weeks, she will actually inseminate the cow. Just as the RE gets paid if you don't get pregnant, she will get an "A" for successfully inseminating the cow, regardless of if the cow becomes pregnant!

New Placement?

Baby Boy born sometime in July.

Mom is 16 yr old runaway, and missing.

Baby D has some sort of skin rash and few other issues and will get a nurse also.

Will be released from the hospital in 2 weeks.

We can visit sometime next week to talk to his doctor to find out what kind of care he needs and if we can meet them.

Prognosis for reunification is poor at best, but probably zero.

My heart is pounding....my hands are shaking with excitement.

Please send prayers that God lead us to the right decision.

Why TPR Needs to Happen Soon!!

This may get me in hot water with OCS, but if I don't write this I'm gonna explode:

SHE WAS TRYING TO WAKE BABY N UP TOO EARLY FROM THE ANESTHESIA!!


They brought baby N back to the room and asked us not to stimulate him, because the longer he sleeps, the less pain he will be in.

That's just one of many reasons, but the others don't affect baby N as directly.

Will he ever get his hearing date?

Poor baby N.

Are We Crazy?

L told our worker last week she could open our home back up for placements. We're hoping for a little girl this time..not that I could pass up another precious baby boy though!

Details

First of all, if you want to see pictures, see the previous post.

This is gonna be a long one, so I'll see how much I can write before I have to start working.

We woke up around 3:30am and left the house a little before 5, arriving at the hospital around 6:30. We were immediately escorted to a room in the NICU, and his nurse arrived a few minutes later. He had his own nurse as she had no other patients that day.

Around 8:00, they started the IV and he barely cried and I think the crying was because he was being held down. They put a monitor on his toe and he was fascinated that his toe was glowing red!

About 8:45, they took him back for surgery. My aunt's SIL was the surgery nurse(just as she promised she would be. About 9:45, bio mom arrived. Baby N was brought back to the room around 10:15. We were given strict instructions not to stimulate him, which bio mom ignored and the nurse had to pull her out of the room to explain that he would be in great pain if she woke him.

Around 12:30, I had enough babysitting his mom, so I let her hold him a little then told the social worker it was time for her to go(another story, which I cannot go into the details). Baby N immediately perked up when she left and I held him.

Anyway, here's the good news. Baby N has been cleared to eat my mouth. We received many bottles and nipples from the hospital to try. I have been trying feeding by mouth a little before each feeding without much luck since his mouth is hurting. I will begin searching for an occupational therapist today for help. I don't think he likes his formula which is not good!

Anyway, I was gonna make him stay the night in the hospital because I wasn't liking the way he was breathing, but he was doing much better around 7pm and we were discharged a little after 10pm and stayed the night at my mom's to be closer to the hospital.

Baby N came through like a champ and has been on non prescription tylenol for pain all weekend. He's one tough little cookie!

Before & After

Before surgery:




After Surgery:



I promise to update with details soon!

Surgery Complete

Just a quick update.

Baby N's surgery went fine. He looks beautiful! He will have a scar for a while but should heal nicely.

Almost cried when I saw him. We are home now and surving, though very exhausted. I will update more later when I recover!

Clearance Granted

Baby N's doctor signed a clearance for surgery tomorrow. Called surgeon's office and surgery still scheduled at 9am tomorrow.

You'll never guess who called L yesterday..

the nurse from the cleft team in New Orleans

Nurse: I was going through our files and I see you have not scheduled baby N for surgery

L: He is getting it done by another doctor. Lisa and I have been trying to call your office for 3 months to schedule surgery and kept getting the run around and told ya'll were booked up several months. While waiting, we scheduled consults with 2 other doctors, before ya'll returned our calls and he is having surgery on Friday.

Nurse: If he can get you in Tuesday or Wednesday of next week, will you let him do the surgery?

L: Nope!

Two hours later the doctor calls. Him and L have words, but basically L told him he was a good doctor and was looking forward to working with him, but we kept getting the run around from his staff about scheduling surgery. He also mentioned that the doctor we were seeing wasn't worried about whether baby N would die in two years.

It ended in an apology and the doctor's face probably dropping as he will not be able to send the bill to medicaid for the expensive procedures he will be requiring. He also mentioned that he would not work on him after another doctor started.

I'm sure he'll call OCS and bitch, but they will and always have backed us up!

You snooze, you loose!

I need my baby's mouth fixed and I don' t have to time to screw around with them anymore.

Can You Pass the 3rd Grade?

3rd Grade Test

I'm still working on it.

25 Accomplishments in One Year

I stole this idea from Tamara, since I actually didn't have a crisis to write about, so enjoy this whine free post!

1. Decided adoption wasn't as scary as I thought and decided to pursue adoption through foster care.

2. Completed MAPP classes and homestudy.

3. Became a licensed foster parent.

4. Accepted the special needs placement God provided me after coming to the conclusion that He knows what He is doing.

5. Learned to g-tube feed a baby and that a feeding tube is not so scary.

6. Started trusting my maternal instincts with baby N rather than letting medical professionals make all the decisions.

7. Show respect to and earned respect from baby N's bio mom.

8. Opened my home to many strangers (nurses, etc).

9. Started to understand why God didn't let me get pregnant yet, considering I couldn't imagine my life without baby N.

10. Convinced my husband to pursue adoption enough where he called OCS to set up foster parent classes.

11. Learned how to explain to several children in public what a cleft lip was, settling their curiosity, and hopefully teaching them something.

12. Learned from L that using the phrase "isn't he cute" at someone staring hard at baby N works well.

13. Provided a home for a child who may have gotten lost in the system due to his temporary medical needs.

14. Become second parents to Jack and Jill when their parents were having problems.

15. Began learning how to get around the foster care system and get things done.

16. Took in an exchange student from Korea.

17. Learned that we are NOT ready to raise a teenager yet.

18. Tried to be understanding of a Korean father trying to run our household by letting her stay with us.

19. Gave my student a chance to be an American teenager and have fun for a while.

20. Realized how lucky I am to be an American and have freedom of choice.

21. Taught religious education for teenagers(before baby N) and watch my husband, who is a new Catholic, become the best 7th grade religious ed. teacher in our parish.

22. Celebrated 3 years of marriage.

23. Got more involved in church.

24. Had less crying spells over fertility loss.

25. Met nurse C, one of the nicest people I know after getting baby N.

First Kiss

I was working on my online training hours for foster parenting yeasterday. I'm doing fine because baby N is playing on the floor happy, but he soon starts crying to be picked up. I told him I can't hold you long, gotta finish these classes so you can still live with me.

Then he gives me a kiss on the cheek! I'm pretty sure it was a kiss.

Seconds later I realized he had a dirty diaper. No wonder he was laughing!


Nurse C couldn't be here today so had to leave him with L's aunt who had a little cold. I pray he doesn't catch it before surgery but I had no other choice.

More on the Week from Hell!

On top of my crisis yesterday, when I finally got to work my boss informed me that the receptionist called in sick with a cold(gimme a break!). Since I wasn't there, they called her and told her that her and her cold need to come to work.

She is out again today...and left early yesterday afternoon.

Another co-worker is in the hospital indefinately.

Nurse C will not be able to come on Friday.

Baby N's surgery is next week, so I'm off next Thursday and Friday.

It is my BUSIEST time of the month now, and my work is piling more and more since I've been out of my office answering phones.

Work due tomorrow and barely got started, so not gonna make that deadline.

Cannot stay late because don't want to lose MIL as an afternoon sitter.

I wish I could give my notice. I can't take this anymore. This has been a regular problem, not an occasional one. Why am I the only one who has to go to work?

No Hearing Date

Yesterday was one of those days where I NEVER should have gotten out of bed.

First, about 6:45 am, the nurse calls saying her son had 103 fever and had to drive back home.

L was sick.

A visit was scheduled.

Anyway, I decided to take the morning off to help L take baby N to his family visit.

By the way, our cw was in training, so we supervised the first 45 minutes of the visit(good thing we both went). We asked the supervisor about TPR hearing date and there was none yet but she'd let us know.

As I mentioned before, L and I have a decent relationship with baby N's mom. She has some issues and done some wrong things, but she's his mom, and still deserves to be treated respectfully.

Anyway, I don't mind too much spending an hour with her, I just wish there was a worker there taking notes. Also, I'm afraid of accidentally giving info to her that I'm not supposed to. I am not taking responsibility for what I say if there is no worker to supervise the visit. I look at it this way, right now, she IS his mom and has rights to know how he is developing and what the doctors say.

Baby N's mom and I agree on one thing: baby N's prior foster mom should have never had him to begin with. That's another post for another topic, but will have to fill you in later on things I heard about the house. Her kids are fed and cared for, but that's all.

I have a confesssion, and I know we probably shouldn't have, but we visited bio grandma for about 5 min at her work after the visit(works just around the corner from OCS). Yes, I got pictures of grandma now. She is very nice, and a lot more together than his mom. I'm definately leaning towards an open adoption with her and his sisters. I figured she never harmed him, she just couldn't raise anymore babies.

Damn! 8:00 already. More to come later.

Inside the Mind of Buddy

What is this? A new toy? I wonder if it's for that little creature mommy and daddy have been neglecting me for...





Ooh..This must be for me!





Checking out the room to see if anyone's looking...




All's clear. No baby in here.. I'm going in!




Did anyone see me? Nope, don't think so.




Ahh, getting comfortable now. Bet they can't find me and bug me now!





Hey! I'm stuck!!

Placement Dream

As promised, my dream last night:

I was asked by our home development worker(not the child's caseworker) to take a 7 month old baby girl. The last thing I remember is begging L to let me take her. Then I woke up.

Strange now that we're pursuing adoption, my pregnancy dreams has transformed into new foster/adopt placement dreams.

Why 7 months old? Is God trying to tell me I can't handle the lack of sleep from a newborn?

Let me tell you, I wanted this baby. BADLY!

I can't wait until my other bedroom is freed(SY's room) so I can get back on the list.

Still loving baby N though, but he needs a younger sister. The longer he goes having me to himself the harder it will be for him to accept another baby.

10 Months

Baby N was 10 months old yesterday! They grow so fast, especially when your baby comes to you at 7 months. He is scooting around and rolling over a lot now. He should be crawling really soon. I have pictures if anyone wants to email me.

Early Steps came last week, evaluated him and informed us that if it wasn't for his cleft lip and palette, he would not qualify for services. This was good news meaning he isn't as delayed as we originally thought. We have the last meeting today and should be getting services (a teacher and possibly a physical therapist) in the next couple weeks.

SY wanted a class ring, so I let her call her idiot father to ask for money. He said yes, but gave her a limit of $100! What an asshole! SY will now be the proud owner of a cheap silver class ring. Actually it will be more like 130-150 with tax and shipping. Listening to her ask for money was like listening to a car salesman and buyer haggling over the price. Of course, he wanted a list of everything she spent this year. I ought to send him a list of everything we bought that he was supposed to buy. I told SY, he could either send money for the ring and Disney World spending money, or he could pay for everything the rest of the year. He is wiring money!

Other than that SY is doing fine. She asked her parents what she would be doing when she got home and both her mom and dad replied, "study." Poor kid.

Oh yeah, she asked her dad to buy a homecoming dress and he told her to borrow one!

Damn! Time to go to work. Remind me to tell you about my placement dream later.

Surgery

After the ear tube incident with baby N, I called his plastic surgeon's office to be absolutely sure all the proper consents were signed for his lip surgery. I spoke to the nurse, and she assured me that everything was cleared for surgery, so I just have to keep baby N away from as many germs as possible until the surgery. All I need is clearance from the pediatrician the day before surgery.

Cycle Update:

I know I'm not techinically doing treatments, but less than a year after my lap, my cycles are already screwing up again! It took about 5 months after the lupron injection to even get a period, which had to be started using the pill. Two normal 28-30 cycles followed, then, BAM...37 days the next cycle. Then, I had about 3 days of pretty bad spotting mid cycle this time. I'm going to see Dr. Houston again next month. I'm do for a yearly exam anyway. I hope the endo isn't coming back. I was hoping after surgery my cycles would normalize and I could get pregnant(I know, funny right?).

My mom is having surgery next week to remove her gall bladder and the following week baby N will have his lip surgery.

OCS update:

Baby N got a new caseworker. By new, I mean NEW!! She was JUST hired! I'm sure she will be a nice person, but I'm uncomfortable about an inexperienced cw taking over his case that should be going to TPR real soon. Baby N's bio mom has a way of making you feel sorry for her and I hope she doesn't use this to manipulate the new cw! L is gonna call and introduce himself today and ask if she will be staying a will. 3 months we had baby N and she is his 3rd cw!

I guess I have to put him in God's hands.

9 Hours!!!

I put baby N to sleep around 9pm last night. The first time he woke up crying was a little after six!

Nurse C said she tries to keep him from napping too much and he is good and tired for the night. God bless nurse C!


Could this sleeping through the night possibly be a regular pattern? Keeping my fingers crossed.

No Sissy Boy Here(warning, very gross content)

If you don't want to read disgusting, gross baby N info, go to the previous post and read the message from baby N, along with pictures!

Apparanting Galloping Cats jinxed me a couple weeks ago describing her baby's first poop in tub incident. Baby N must have read it and decided to try it, so last night I had one big ass mess to clean up! Tub, floor, diaper, everything covered in poo! Why must they do that AFTER you bathe them?

Baby N is gonna be one of those annoying brothers that belches and farts at the table to gross out his little sister. I see it coming.

How do you know if baby N likes you?

If he farts while you're holding him!

Nurse C was putting him in the carseat and the "Pop goes the Weasel" song was playing on his car seat toy. Right at the part of the song where you sing "pop", he farted, in perfect time! He may not have my genes, but I think he will take after his mommy and be a musician(at least as a hobby). That is, he will take after me with the musician part, not the farting. That, he will take after his Papa(grandfather)!

Baby N already knows how to manipulate us to get his way. I found him testing me last night. He usually wakes up, cries a litte, so I turn on the music and let him go back to sleep. Now, he's starting to carry on with the crying more. L tells me to bring him in the bed. I say no because that's exactly what baby N is trying!

He is definately a full fledged boy!

I guess I get to look forward to him bringing bugs and critters in the house to show me!

My First Vacation

Hi,

It's baby N here. Mommy and daddy just couldn't bear to leave me with Nanna all weekend while they went to the beach. Of course, they couldn't have fun without me. See mommy, daddy and SY playing in the beach. See, instead of Mommy swimming, she gets to tote my heavy self along and get some exercise:


When I grow up, I want to be a surfer. Sure, daddy's having to hold me up now, but in a few years, I'm gonna be a real chick magnet. This one's for you Sugar Cookie. You too Sugar bean, hop on my surf board with me and we'll go ride some waves!




Mommy...what is this? Oops, that just splashed in my face. I'm not sure if I like it, but I'm sure fascinated by all this water splashing up on me:



Don't I look cool? Say yes! These shades look much cuter on me than daddy. You think he will let me keep them?



Whew, I'm exhausted. Gonna catch some z's on the way home. Opps. SY beat me again in falling asleep. Think if I fart real loud I can wake her?




Well, that about wraps up my first vacation to Gulf Shores. It was fun, except for daddy's cousin's new baby...

Can you believe mommmy had the nerve to not only hold, but feed another baby? I mean, how dare she, I'm all she needs! I hope she's not thinking about bringing one home..

Well, nice talking to you. Mommy's getting ready to take a shower, so it's time I scream to be picked up.

Sending kisses to my cute little online baby girls. Bye Bye Sugar Cookie and Sugar Bean! Ya'll are two gorgeous babes with the nicest mommies in the world! Hope to meet both of you one day!

Geaux Tigers!!