It's a Boy!

Bubbles' mom is expecting a little boy. That is, if the info I was given was correct. Supervisor knows we want the baby, but said we'd have to get approval from home development, which won't be a problem. Our worker will just laugh, call us foster parent sluts, and sign the waiver, especially since we have an opening anyway. I'm not sure the due date. I've heard August and September.

The good thing about another little boy is I have baby clothes 6 mos and up, and tons of 12/18 mos, and Robin is gonna stock me with 0-6 mos, plus L's aunt probably has a stash too, but I'm sure I won't need it after Robin though. Another good thing is with 2 brothers, Bubbles will never date...darn! Any ideas on how to fit 3 carseats in the backseat of a honda accord? I would consider a minivan, but I SUCK at parking and backing out(had an incident with a tree at my mom's not long ago), so it may not be a good idea.

For all the palace invite requests, I will get to them, so please don't think I'm ignoring them. It's been so crazy lately and I'm trying to get ahead on my lesson plans in case the sibling comes into care. I know I've been a lazy commenter lately too, but thanks for bearing with me. I write a post and usually Bubbles is sitting in the swing behind the computer distracting me(as she is now) and makes the cutest noises to get my attention, and usually give in. Also, I did the majority of my blogging before work and lunch(at the office) but don't have that time now.

I need to post some new pics at the palace soon. I'll announce hear when I post ones of Bubbles because I am too afraid to leave them up permantly with her case. I dressed her up cutesy a couple mornings this week and got some sassy looking pics.

Bubbles' Sibling

First, please, please email your requests to enter the palace to lhotard79 at yahoo dot com. I have a hard time keeping up requests from the comment section, so if you don't mind, those of you who requested entrance to the palacein my comments a couple posts ago, please email me and I will add you as soon as I can.

I am so furious right now and waiting on a call back. The supervisor at social services told L that I told her I wouldn't be able to take the baby because it would be too much on me!

That is not true. I've always been aware of the possibility of the baby coming into care and always agreed Bubbles' and the sibling would be a "package deal." She must be confused, because we told her we could not handle her mom. Anyway, when she calls back, I need to explain that I am willing(and thrilled) to take a newborn, which will make my 3rd baby under 2 years old! I will attempt to explain this without sounding insane.

Will it be hard? Yes, but no harder than twins or triplets, probably easier because there is space between the babies. I have made arrangements. Child care is lined up. I'm working ahead on my lesson plans and Smiley and Bubbles both sleep all night (8pm-6:30am knock on wood), so I would theoretically only be up with one baby. The first few months will probably be very rough, but in the long run, I may get to adopt 3 wonderful kids!

Oh, btw, Bubbles' mom is released but Dad is still in jail on an insanely high bail.

Visit

Well, Bubbles' visit was cancelled today. I don't know why or the details, but it was cancelled.

I'll update when I hear more. Gonna catch a quick nap if Smiley ever takes one, then off to pick up Bubbles.

Princess

I have some news I am going to post at the Palace. Sorry I can't share this publicly, but I just don't know what to think of the news.

Bubbles will have her regularly scheduled visit tomorrow like nothing ever happened.

The system is definately broken.

In other news, Smiley's mom sent me an email. Nothing mean or threatening, just contact info and requesting to see him. I don't think I should respond until we're out of the appeal time frame. What do you think?

Arrested...

A few weeks ago, I heard that Bubbles' dad was arrested on another assault charge. Today, L heard on the local radio that Bubbles mom was arrested a few days ago on a drug round up! I don't have all the details, but informed CASA and I'm sure she can get the records.

Does she realize how serious drugs can affect her baby she's carrying? I just want to slap some since into her. I guess she doesn't know that drugs can KILL your unborn baby.

I just don't know what to think now but terrified of her returning home to that. Putting it back in God's hands.

More Feeding Progress

I was in the waiting room with Smiley Tuesday for speech therapy. I was bored, so I decided to attempt to feed him. He sucked down 3 oz of Pediasure in a matter of minutes and ate a jar of babyfood! He finished the remaining 5 oz later that day...all by mouth!!

Yesterday he drank another whole bottle at the doctors, then another that evening. This morning, by 9:30, he had drank 7 oz, almost the entire bottle! He also ate a jar of fruit.

Previously I was having some luck thicking pediasure with cereal and spoon feeding it, but the last few days, he's taken it straight from the bottle! I am attempting to go all day without using the feeding tube. The surgeon said when you can go 3 months without using it, he can take it out.

I know he still has a long way to go and he still doesn't get a firm grasp on the nipple, I do hear sucking and swallowing, and more is going on his tummy than on the bib!

Other Good News

Remember Baby D?? I ran into his former worker(I love her), who is now the supervisor who took witch's(the evil one at the funeral) place. Anyway, she said she found a home for Baby D! I'm so happy for him. I think it's just a foster home, but at least he can live in a home setting instead of a hospital. Please pray he is in a loving, safe home.

It's Done!!

Well, TPR finally happened for Smiley's parents!!

I can't believe it. I know anything can happen until the adoption is finalized, but we should here from an adoption worker in the next few weeks.

I'll update more later. I'm exhausted.

Anyone Want to Bubble Sit?

First, stop by the Palace! Smiley had a special ceremony, I can't discuss here without risking getting into trouble.

Babies are doing better, except Bubbles. No vomiting, but can't get rid of the diareah. She has no other symptoms, but I know daycare will not be able to keep her tomorrow.

I can't find a babysitter in this crap town who doesn't: smoke P*ot, have a record with social services, or isn't about to pop(have a baby). With my professor cancelling class twice next week, I doubt I'd pass missing again(the stuff in lecture isn't in the book). Then, there's court, and I'd be pulling my hair out waiting all day at home without knowing what was happening.

I know, it's all part of being a mommy, but the point is, if I lived in MY hometown, a sitter would be just a phone call away!

Hopefully MIL can keep both(in case Smiley decides to catch it too). Please pray they heal very soon.

Sick Babies

I went to pick up Smiley from daycare to take him to OT, only to find out both him and Bubbles had been throwing up all morning. Instead of OT, it was straight to the doctor, shots for both babies.

They are gonna be pissed when they wake up and learn they are on the pedialite diet tonight.

It's gonna be a long night. Please pray I stay healthy so I can care for them.

4 Years

Today L and I have been married 4 years. 4 years and we've parented 4 kids and never been pregnant.

Time flies when you're having fun.

Class

Well, started my child psyc class on Monday. Class was cancelled yesterday and today. I was kinda pissed when I saw the note on the door again today. Gas is way too expensive to have to make an approximate 70 mile round trip for no class.

Since class was cancelled, I continued reading the text and today's chapter was about prenatal development. I skipped the summary about fertility treatments, which I am an expert, but my heart dropped when I got to prenatal cocaine exposure. I remembered my helpless little Princess and cried. If only people knew how serious drugs/alcohol affect your baby and people are not just saying it so you won't do it! Today makes 4 months from the day drugs took my little girl to heaven. I had to stop reading, picked up Bubbles early from daycare and took her to the doctor.

Last week, Bubbles had a flare up and wheezing quite a bit, so today was the week after check up. She sounds good and I'm to start weaning her off the breathing medications.

Bubbles is starting to talk, saying mama and L heard her say "da da." In fact, she's cooing at me now to give her attention.

Smiley is climbing on everything. Pulling himself up on anything sturdy enough. He is just beginning to take small steps while holding onto the coffee table. We are getting to the point where I am constantly having to chase after him.

Ok, can't resist any longer. Bubbles is talking to me and I just have to go now.

Does This Sound Familiar?

TPR hearing for Smiley tomorrow is cancelled again.

One of the attorneys apparantly had a scheduling conflict. Hearing is supposedly re-scheduled for Monday.

I just don't know what to believe anymore.

Screwed Again By Infertility

I was denied for my individual health insurance policy because of previous history. I thought they denied me because of endometriosis. Of course not...why did they deny me coverage??

INFERTILITY!

What the hell!! They don't even cover infertility or anything they think is related to infertility. I've never had them pay a dime for infertility related treatments!

They are denying me coverage because I'm infertile! It's bad enough they don't cover it, but now won't write me a policy because I am infertile!

Yes, I'm sure I could fight it, but it's just easier(although more expensive) to pay for the cobra plan for July and my new group policy will go into effect at the beginning of August.

So, now my unused vacation pay will have to go to the cobra plan instead of having an extra check before I wouldn't be working the next 2 months(although I'm employed and under contract, no check til end of August).

Why should infertility affect you getting health insurance if they don't pay for the shit anyway!

In other news, I spoke to Bubbles' CASA worker and "dad" was arrested again for getting in a fight a few weeks ago and social services doesn't even know.

Smiley's TPR hearing is supposed to be next week, but we will see.

I Couldn't Let Them Go

As a foster parent, one of the lines I hear the most is, "I don't know how you do it. I could never give them back." I finally started replying, "I have no choice. I have to."

I think this applies to many trials in life that are difficult. When the judge says your baby is to return home, you have no choice. You have to pack their things, say goodbye and never see them again. Sometimes you are comforted by the fact that their biological family will take care of them, but many times you fear for their safety, or their lives.

So, if you ask me how I will let Bubbles go, I just have to. If you tell me not to get attached because she's leaving, I'll ask you how is that possible. You are going to bond with a baby you've cared for for several months and you can't "turn off" the feelings. I've heard people say, "It's not about you, it's about the kids." I watched to slap them sometimes, but they are right. You will lose your baby and everyone will question why your so upset...it wasn't YOUR baby. I tell L that every child that comes into my home is MY child until the courts say differently. I don't mean that I don't respect their parents rights, I mean that in my heart, they will be treated just like my own biological child.

I have no choice. How did I bury my beautiful baby girl? Simple...I had to. People think I am strong, but I am not. God strengthens me during these trials, because I know there was no way I would have survived Princess' lost without Him. I remember the footprints poem. Jesus is definately carrying me during this process with me kicking and screaming along the way.

I remember getting that dreaded call that's every parents' worst nightmare. The first was from L's work. I call L and find out she stopped breathing. Right then, in my gut I knew she would die. I could feel God's presence with me. It didn't stop the shock and tears, but He did keep me from being put into a straight jacket and hauled off to the looney bin. During my police escort ride to the second hospital, I knew it would be bad news when I arrived, but I kept hope and kept praying.

The flashbacks in my mind are awful. It's like I'm trying to remember and treasure every last moment she had.

How do I get through it? It's mostly because I know she's in a better place. She really was struggling and now she's in paradise. When her heart would beat sometimes, you could see the heart protruding from her chest. Her breathing was always fast. She was sick, but she was very loved the short time she had with us. She got to go home early. I think He just decided He didn't want her to have to go through anymore surgeries.

For those of you considering foster parenting and are afraid to because of fear of loss, please...I encourage you to do it anyway. It will be difficult, but God will give you the strength to move on and begin caring for other children who need you.

I will not say I can't let go...I have no choice.

Bayou College

Sorry I've been kinda quiet lately but mysister is getting married, so the babies and I took a trip to my mom's for her bridal shower yesterday. I spent not even 2 days there and as much as I love my sister(and I know you're reading but I warned you,there's only so much time we can spend with each other before we drive each other crazy. Yesterday, I just about pushed that time limit too far(and I'm sure she'd agree with me). Anyway, after all the shower morning stress, the shower itself was nice.

Everyone loved the babies! Bubbles just lit up the room and everyone said she was a "keeper." Too bad she's going home.

During the opening of the gifts, we did the tradition where however many ribbons you break is how many kids you will have.Robin and I kept whispering to each other"Come on! Break some! Trust me...you want to break some ribbons!" I guess infertility follows us everywhere. Looking back, I don't think I broke any ribbons at my baby shower, so that could be my problem.

I finally got registered at Bayou College. The class time kinda sucks, but will have to deal with it I guess. I'm taking Child Psychology and I'm hoping it's just a lecture class with no projects! I also have to prepare for the P.raxis II and take it early August.

Co-worker was gonna take over my job until I gave her a brief(very brief)overview of all I do and she decided it was too much. They may have to hire 2 people(probably won't though).

Well, gotta run. Need to use the rest of my lunch break to study.