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You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

I Couldn't Let Them Go

As a foster parent, one of the lines I hear the most is, "I don't know how you do it. I could never give them back." I finally started replying, "I have no choice. I have to."

I think this applies to many trials in life that are difficult. When the judge says your baby is to return home, you have no choice. You have to pack their things, say goodbye and never see them again. Sometimes you are comforted by the fact that their biological family will take care of them, but many times you fear for their safety, or their lives.

So, if you ask me how I will let Bubbles go, I just have to. If you tell me not to get attached because she's leaving, I'll ask you how is that possible. You are going to bond with a baby you've cared for for several months and you can't "turn off" the feelings. I've heard people say, "It's not about you, it's about the kids." I watched to slap them sometimes, but they are right. You will lose your baby and everyone will question why your so wasn't YOUR baby. I tell L that every child that comes into my home is MY child until the courts say differently. I don't mean that I don't respect their parents rights, I mean that in my heart, they will be treated just like my own biological child.

I have no choice. How did I bury my beautiful baby girl? Simple...I had to. People think I am strong, but I am not. God strengthens me during these trials, because I know there was no way I would have survived Princess' lost without Him. I remember the footprints poem. Jesus is definately carrying me during this process with me kicking and screaming along the way.

I remember getting that dreaded call that's every parents' worst nightmare. The first was from L's work. I call L and find out she stopped breathing. Right then, in my gut I knew she would die. I could feel God's presence with me. It didn't stop the shock and tears, but He did keep me from being put into a straight jacket and hauled off to the looney bin. During my police escort ride to the second hospital, I knew it would be bad news when I arrived, but I kept hope and kept praying.

The flashbacks in my mind are awful. It's like I'm trying to remember and treasure every last moment she had.

How do I get through it? It's mostly because I know she's in a better place. She really was struggling and now she's in paradise. When her heart would beat sometimes, you could see the heart protruding from her chest. Her breathing was always fast. She was sick, but she was very loved the short time she had with us. She got to go home early. I think He just decided He didn't want her to have to go through anymore surgeries.

For those of you considering foster parenting and are afraid to because of fear of loss, please...I encourage you to do it anyway. It will be difficult, but God will give you the strength to move on and begin caring for other children who need you.

I will not say I can't let go...I have no choice.


  • At 12:33 PM, Blogger FosterAbba said…

    Loving a child and letting them go are actually one and the same thing. You keep the children that are supposed to be yours, and you let the ones go who are supposed to move on.

    Love doesn't always mean getting what you want. Sometimes it means doing the right thing, even though it's painful.

  • At 1:07 PM, Blogger GLouise said…

    You are my she-ro! :-)

  • At 1:51 PM, Blogger JUST A MOM said…

    OH YOU ARE GOOD. That is exactly what it is, God carries you through all the hard times. If you have glanced at my book 35 plus came and only 3 stayed. I have shared in the upbringing of them alla dn today I know of 1 who comes back to my home and says,,,, you ae my 2nd mom and I thank you.

    Hang in there.

  • At 2:05 PM, Blogger Kathy said…

    You really do have the right attitude in all of this. You are human and will love the children that come into your home, and you will have to grieve when they leave your home too...but you've got the Lord with you to help you make it through all of it. It warms my heart to hear of your faith in the Lord, and how you hang in there.

    I could really relate when you said... "Jesus is definately carrying me during this process with me kicking and screaming along the way." I've felt that way many times! Things haven't always worked out as *I* would've planned, and I've been pretty angry at the Lord sometimes. But the Lord's been there to help me through all of this...and has brought us to where we are now.

    You're a strong woman, and I admire you for all that you are doing. May God continue bless you in all that you do.

  • At 9:52 PM, Blogger Kristen said…

    Bless you. Hang in there, it's hard I know first hand, but you have made a difference in those childrens lives. Try to think of it that way. ((((HUGS)))

  • At 7:09 AM, Blogger Cookie's Mom said…

    L, Just read your comment that the last day is Thursday. I'll be praying for you and L. especially fervently this week. I hope you allow yourself all the tears you need to let go of. Many, many of us understand. This seems to have been a very short stay!? Is she returning to birth mom?

  • At 7:17 AM, Blogger Micky said…

    If Bubbles returnes with Bio parents, just keep in mind that you made a difference in her life. I know it is not easy, but be reassure that you will be rewarded.

  • At 7:48 AM, Blogger NDFosterMom said…

    You are so right. I feel that all kids that come into our home whether it be for a short period of time or a longer stay, they are "MY" kids while they are in my home.

    We have been asked the same do you let them go? Like you said - you have to. We had G for almost a year and we were told from day 1 that she would NEVER leave. Well she left and it was difficult. But with the Lord's help and my family and friends, we're working thru it. That was 7 months ago and I still think of her daily. We have a picture of all the kids that have lived in our home on our wall. We call it our "Special" wall. They will always be up there as they are still a part of our family.

    Stay strong! I'm not going to say it's get's easier but other kids will come thru your home and you find you have less time to sulk in your sorrows and you find yourself remembering, we did this with 'so-and-so. and it is happy memories.


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