Weaning Off the Tube

We have decided to cut back baby N's tube feedings to 3 a day, spaced out about 6 hours. In between feedings, he can have baby food and juice by mouth. Last night when I fed him, he ate almost an entire jar of baby food and at least 1-2 oz of juice! All in about 20 minutes time! I topped him off with 2 oz of his formula/cereal mixture and his medicine and he was done!

Maybe he wasn't hungry enough to eat by mouth being fed every 4 hours(except overnight).

Last night was the most baby N has ever ate by mouth in one feeding. Way to go baby N! Keep up the good work!

Unsupervised Visits

As promised, I let Scooter's dad visit with him twice this weekend and Mickey D's. He got to meet his brother and sister. It was a bit weird, but reminded myself it was for Scooter's sake. He wasn't real comfortable around dad, but hopefully he will get better.

We finally made it back to church last night. I had SY take a couple pictures of the 4 of us. If I ever get a chance to take them out of my camera, I will email them to some of you, or you can email me to see them. Thank goodness our church has a cry room, and only one other lady was sitting in there last night. Not that the kids were loud, they were actually behaving pretty decently except they were being little boys.

Belching and farting throughout mass! Baby N's were loud and Scooter's were silent but deadly. I guess this is just the beginning of being emabarrassed as a parent!

Scooter for the Holidays

We talked our worker yesterday and she said there was no way Texas would have Scooter's dad's homestudy complete by the November hearing. In fact, he will probably have to work a caseplan and he may be here 6 months!

There is so much wrong with that I cannot even begin to explain.

Looks like Scooter is going to Disney World though!

Hey Mommy!! I'm still here!

Baby N here,

Remember me after all this Scooter talk?

My world began to fall apart last week as all hell broke loose. Oops bad word, guess mommy will have to wash my mouth out with soap after she adopts me.

First nurse C abandons me, then this new creature arrives in our home, taking away some of my attention. He does do a lot of cool things like talk, walk, climb, which I am watching, taking notes and trying to copy. I especially enjoyed the lesson in more high pitched crying I successfully learned from Scooter. He is funny though. I laugh at him a lot. I wonder if I will ever get to do those things.

He eats real food by mouth! Mommy is trying, but with nurse C never showing up and me not wanting to take a bottle, the only choice left is spoon feeding. I love strawberry apple bannana baby food. Saturday, I ate almost an entire jar of baby food over the course of the day.

Mommy is taking me to occcupational therapy tomorrow for feeding lessons. She is currently trying to get the orders changed so they can teach me more than just bottle feeding. Unfortunately the nurses aren't returning her calls, so I may be stuck getting that bottle shoved in my mouth when I really want the baby food!

I also see my plastic surgeon again tomorrow. Thank goodness there are no more scabs to pull off my face, because it hurt real bad when he did that last time.

Anyway, nurse C quit. I guess she stopped loving me. My peg site got infected because she wasn't there to care for it. Thank goodness mommy loves me and came to the rescue with lots of cleaning and medicine. The spots are almost gone. She also left without giving me my shots so I won't catch RSV. My local doctor is now telling mommy that she will have to bring me out of town to give me my shots, even though the medicine is in her refrigerator.

Having a brother is cool, but mommy says he will be leaving. I hope I don't have to leave too. I did get mommy back. I've been crying more during the night to wake up Scooter!

Well bye for now everyone.

Kisses for Daddy, Sissy and Brother

I received an email from Scooter's dad, a sheet with several pictures of his family, with their names. I introduced them to Scooter. He then proceeded to give kisses to the pictures of Daddy, Sissy, and brother.

Isn't that too cute?

He Called Me Mama

Ok, I need some help from expert foster parents. I went into fostering thinking I'd only take kids with a decent chance of going up for adoption, because we do want to build our family that way.

Scooter was already calling L daddy, but on the way home from my mom's I heard, "mama..Mama" calling from the back seat. I just answered, "what baby?"

Anyway, Scooter will be going home with dad. I talked to dad a couple times this weekend and they are shopping for things for his room. Anyway, do you think since he bonded with us that quickly, the transition to dad's house will be just as easy? What if the paperwork is not complete by the next hearing on Nov 14, and he has to stay another month or two? What is the best way to make the move home easier on Scooter? I'm having dad email pictures of the family and offering to bring him to visit if he comes into town, and trying to let his dad talk to him on the phone(as much as a 2 year old will talk).

Any other ideas? I would like to avoid a screaming fit from Scooter when he has to leave us. That would kill me. I guess that's what we signed up for.

Scooter is Going Home

This has been a hell, stressful week, so I'm gonna outline and fill in the details as I have time:

1. The Court Trauma

9:00 am - Nurse C called Wednesday morning(the only day she showed up for work this week) saying she had to run an errand and asked if she could take the kids.

11:00 am - L calls and says to find Nurse C because Scooter has to be in court for 2pm(yes, they did not call us until 11:00 that day). Nurse C's cell phone has been disconnected. Supervisor at OCS says do what you must to find him, because his dad is coming in from out of state and he will probably go home. If the judge is in a bad mood, he could remove baby N from your home.

11:15 - I'm at work crying, freaking and flipping out that baby N may be taken(though unlikely scenerio) because he was with nurse C. It was not like she was a stranger I left him with, and I got permission for her to watch him.

11:30 - Tell boss I have to leave and it was an emergency. Get eyes rolled out and run out the door.

12:00 - arrive home, call nurse C's house, her husband picks up, and I frantically ask where she is. He tells me she's on the way back to my house.

12:00-12:45 - frantically pace the house, pack Scooter's things and cry like a baby, terrified!

12:45 - Decide to go pick up Happy Meal for Scooter, in case he hadn't eaten yet.

1:05 - Arrive home, nurse C isn't there.

1:20 - Nurse C arrives and we frantically pack the kids in the car and go.

1:45 - Arrive at courthouse --PHEW!!


2. Scooter's Daddy
His dad lives in a nearby state and came in for the hearing, where mom showed up crying and they agreed Scooter should go home with Dad. Since he lives out of state, they want to do a homestudy on dad before moving Scooter home, so he will probably be leaving Nov 14 at the next hearing. Dad is employed, taking care of his other children and as long as he's not on drugs or have a record, everything should be good.

I got an email from his dad, showing lots of interest and asking what he could do to help us and what we needed for Scooter. I was so relieved. His brother and sister are excited to meet him. I asked him to email family pictures with names so I could start introducing Scooter to his family. I am really upset that they are making him stay in care and get attached to us another month, but I'm not the judge.

3. Houston Trip

Endometriosis found on my cervix and scraped off--ouch! I hate to see what's inside. Dr. Houston wants me to try another few months of clomid(eww!! how evil, and wants me to start charting temps! I feel like I'm going back to kindergarten in fertility school, but it beats thousands down the toilet in treatments. Also, I believe clomid isn't forbidden by the church, since you still have to have sex to get pregnant.

Baby N threw up 4 times while in the exam room waiting on Dr. Houston, so he called the pediatrician and squeezed him in before we left. I guess baby N wanted to go to the doctor too.
4. Nurse Problems

Today's excuse--car troubles. I love nurse C to death, but if I were paying her, I'd tell her not to come back.

Also, been having some issues with fostering vs. work.

God,

Please take care of me, so I can take care of your children.

Full House

We got another call yesterday afternoon for a 2 year old boy. They needed a place for him to stay for the night, but after meeting him, we said we'd keep him as long as needed.

I don't have much information except that his mom dropped him off at the babysitter's and never picked him up. I have to believe mom had an emergency, because he just seems so well cared for. We dug is his bag and found his full name, birthdate and address and L will pass it to his casworker today. I would like for them to attempt to locate his relatives as soon as possible, so I can know his status and make more permanent arrangements for him to stay.

Help me come up with a code internet name for him. Something to describe a hyper, yet friendly, fun toddler.

The kid is precious. Came right into my house and helped himself into baby N's toys. He went to bed at 9 and woke up at 6:30, despite baby N being a lil' shit last night, waking up crying nearly every hour.

I'll update you when I hear more. Pray they find his family soon and mom has a good excuse!

One Year

I began blogging in October of last year. One year already! Time flies when you're meeting such great people.

In other news, we are still having a nurse crisis. She was gone Monday and Friday last week, and didn't come in today either. We have been frantically searching for a more reliable nursing agency with no luck, not in this crap town we live in.

Baby N has a tooth! Not just a little while poking out, but finally, a whole tooth! Of course it's on the top, and with the palette not repaired it's crooked and will probably be pulled, but still a tooth!

Baby N has been cranky and back to his tantrums including one making himself throw up all over the exersaucer. L was completely grossed out and I told him if watching was gros, come help me clean and really see how bad it is.

As rough as it is sometimes, I'm so blessed to have baby N. He brings adventure and excitement to our boring lives.

Now There's An Idea

I had to drop baby N off at a relative's house(won't be more specific than that) because the nurse called in, AGAIN!!

Anyway, while going to feed baby N, L informed me that she was also babysitting a two week old baby, from her son's old girlfriend he was shacking up with and doing drugs(from what I heard). He said he's not meeting the baby until he does a dna test!

LIFE IS SO FREAKING UNFAIR SOMETIMES!!

WHY CAN'T THEY REALIZE HOW BLESSED THEY ARE!

Seems illegal drugs boost fertility, maybe I should try them to get knocked up! They should be out of my system before I go into labor right?

I get infertility, and they get a brand new baby boy, so unfair!

P.S. Don't call the cops, I'm not really gonna become a drughead, I got to keep a clean record for adopting!

Still Adjusting to the Shock

I haven't abandoned ya'll. I'm just still mourning and hurting over the decision for baby D. I kinda had my hopes up and now devastated for baby D, but I know there is nothing I can do but pray. I feel so helpless. I feel kinda like a mom just being told her baby would not live long, even though he is not my baby, although not to the same extent obviously. I'm sure his bio mom will be much more devasted and I pray for her, that she turns herself in and tries to be with her lil' one, even if in foster care.

I'll return when I get out of this slump and feel like writing again.

I'll Never Forget Him

We received an email from baby D's nurse and the prognosis is even more grim than I mentioned before.

He will never be able to do anything for himself and never be able to recognize his caregivers. He is showing signs of severe cerebral palsy and is likely to aspirate, catch pnuemonia and die, maybe living to 6 or 7.

We know that is beyond our limits mentally to handle. L does not think he could bury a child so soon, and I don't either.

I know I can't save them all, but it's still hard to let him go, but I can only put him in God's hands, knowing he'll be in heaven soon and pain free.

I'll never forget him.

The Harsh Reality

Why does bad things happen to such innocent babies?

Baby D was born with the skin condition, EB.

He caught CMV while mom was pregnant and his brain stopped growing at 29 weeks.

Head is very small.

Prognosis is not good. An infection from exposed skin could be fatal, but he could possibly survive into adulthood.

His nurse will email doctor about what kind of lifestyle he is expected to have. Will he be forever confined to a bed?

Here's the dilemma with baby D:

L and I would probably sacrifice ourselves for this baby...but what about baby N?

Baby D has to stay out of the sun and heat, and in Louisiana there is nothing but sun and heat.

If we go to the beach, would we have to exclude baby D, while bringing baby N?

Do we not do fun things at all and have baby N miss out because baby D could not come?

Baby N has 2-3 more surgeries. Who will watch baby D?

Is it fair to baby N to take another baby with such severe needs when he still has many medical needs?

Should I take baby D, then have to close my home and not be able to help other children?

If we don't take baby D, who will? What will happen to him?

L and I rode back to my mom's from New Orleans so upset, quiet, and near tears. I slipped up several times tonight referring to baby N by baby D's name. So upsetting.

I want to say yes, but we are not sure we can meet his needs along with baby N.

This is tearing me up inside. Please send prayers, not so much for me, but baby D.
His nurse wants to take him, but been through some tradegy since hurricane Katrina and cannot. I know God can work miracles, and a miracle I'd like to see would be Him working a plan for the nurse to take him.

Please pray God sends baby D a mommy and daddy, whether it's us, or someone else.

My heart hurts so much for him now.

How Can I Say No?(updated)

How Can I say No?
To that sweet adorable face,

How Can I say No,
To those big eyes looking at me,
begging to be saved from a life without a mommy.
To an innocent little baby, who has no one.
How can I be the second "mommy" to abandon him,
after seeing those precious eyes look at me as mommy.

How can I say No,
when God's given me not one, but two blessings,
for answering the prayers I cried to Him in tears for so long.
Who am I to reject a gift from God because he isn't perfect?

How can I say No,
To wrapping those bandages with love and care
to protect his so delicate skin and make his pain go away.
to giving him the love he so desperately needs



I'm still very scared and undecided, but not ready to say no yet. L is ready to take him, but I want him to know the worst case scenario, that he can handle it and help me with him. Please pray I make the right decision. That my husband and I make an informed decision. It's such a hard decision, because when I get the call for these kids, I don't think of them as "other people's kids" but my children. How is it that I look into their eyes and I'm hooked on them? I guess this is the part of fostering and adopting that is so hard.

What do Korean Teenagers Do for fun?

Ok, now you had good laugh time for update on baby D. No, I was not trying to torture ya'll, but I only really get to blog before work and at lunch. Baby N has caught another SERIOUS case of armitis since his surgery, so computer time is pretty much out at home.

Baby D's conditions
CMV at birth
Epidermylosis Bullosa(a skin condition, see the website debra.org)

They say the CMV causes babies to have small heads and he will have some mental retardation from it, but they said that about baby N too and I can tell you, there is no way! He will be a lot of work, but at this time I don't think I can turn him down, not after looking into those adorable little eyes yesterday!

I didn't get to hold him yet, because I was in a hurry to get back to work. The main thing I wanted was to get L and me on the visitor list so we could spend more time with him this weekend. So tomorrow, baby N will spend the day with Nanna while we visit the baby. I want L to meet him, here about the care he requires and make an informed decision. He already has my heart, and L's too.

I never imagined when I started fostering taking medically needy children, but they just seem to come to me. I did get some pictures and he already looks much better than the first I saw. He will be in the hospital 6 more weeks because they want to do another treatment for CMV before they release him.

When I first walked in,they were giving him a shot of morphine and I was about in tears. Why should a baby so young be in such pain that he needs morphine. I can't wait to cuddle him tomorrow, but I'll have to be very careful. Anytime he rubs something too hard against his skin, more spots(whatever they call them) will form.

I'll try to update more later. I have to start working now.

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow morning I meet baby D. Please pray his medical needs aren't too bad.
L is tied up at work tomorrow, so it will just be the cw and me visiting him. He hasn't had a visitor in a while. He must be so scared in a hospital with no mommy an daddy!

Expecting

No, not pregnant, but anxiously awaiting the chance to meet our new lil' one at the hospital.

Will update when I hear more!