He Called Me Mama
Ok, I need some help from expert foster parents. I went into fostering thinking I'd only take kids with a decent chance of going up for adoption, because we do want to build our family that way.
Scooter was already calling L daddy, but on the way home from my mom's I heard, "mama..Mama" calling from the back seat. I just answered, "what baby?"
Anyway, Scooter will be going home with dad. I talked to dad a couple times this weekend and they are shopping for things for his room. Anyway, do you think since he bonded with us that quickly, the transition to dad's house will be just as easy? What if the paperwork is not complete by the next hearing on Nov 14, and he has to stay another month or two? What is the best way to make the move home easier on Scooter? I'm having dad email pictures of the family and offering to bring him to visit if he comes into town, and trying to let his dad talk to him on the phone(as much as a 2 year old will talk).
Any other ideas? I would like to avoid a screaming fit from Scooter when he has to leave us. That would kill me. I guess that's what we signed up for.
Scooter was already calling L daddy, but on the way home from my mom's I heard, "mama..Mama" calling from the back seat. I just answered, "what baby?"
Anyway, Scooter will be going home with dad. I talked to dad a couple times this weekend and they are shopping for things for his room. Anyway, do you think since he bonded with us that quickly, the transition to dad's house will be just as easy? What if the paperwork is not complete by the next hearing on Nov 14, and he has to stay another month or two? What is the best way to make the move home easier on Scooter? I'm having dad email pictures of the family and offering to bring him to visit if he comes into town, and trying to let his dad talk to him on the phone(as much as a 2 year old will talk).
Any other ideas? I would like to avoid a screaming fit from Scooter when he has to leave us. That would kill me. I guess that's what we signed up for.
posted by Lisa @ 5:43 AM
10 Comments:
At 8:44 AM,
FosterMommy said…
I think you're right. Since Scooter is going to live with his dad, I think it's best that he not call your husband Daddy (or Dada, or whatever). It might be better to use your first names with him. (or Daddy L. or something like that). So that he doesn't get too confused.
If you choose to do that, you'd have to be consistant and use your first names with Baby N, as well.
That might seem weird, but Baby N won't really know the difference and won't be harmed by it.
Scooter, on the other hand, will be confused enough by the move to his dad and doesn't need to deal with another guy calling himself Daddy, when he thought he already had a Daddy. Ya know?
Anyway, I'm glad that someone has stepped up to take him so quickly. And the pictures are a great idea!
At 9:36 AM,
Julie said…
It is hard to tell- i would go with Daddy L. but if he is too young to say all that- then maybe just his first name. Daddy may be fine as it is just a title and will probably tranfer quickly to his Dad. I think it won't cause too much harm.
At 9:37 AM,
Julie said…
i just re-read what i wrote- so helpful!! ha!
At 10:24 AM,
Lisa said…
We call ourselves Mr. and Ms. L to Scooter. He calls us mom and dad on his own. I would never ask him to call us mom and dad. We were told in class not to correct them if they called you mom or dad, just answer them. They said it would be mean to tell them to call you something else if they want to call you mom and dad. I think being so young he will call whoever cares for him mom and dad. I don't want to confuse him though.
At 12:42 PM,
GLouise said…
Could you call yourselves Uncle and Auntie L, to them?
Poor little guy!
At 1:18 PM,
Amanda said…
I don't have any experience with this yet, our first foster placement is an infant, but it sounds like you are doing everything right.
In our trainings we were told to let kids call us whatever they are familiar with... so I'd let him call you to Mommy and Daddy, and just call each other by your first names, maybe?
Good luck, whichever route you go - it's great that you're there for the little guy while he needs you :-)
At 7:17 PM,
soralis said…
I can't even imagine having to say bye to a child. Good luck!
At 9:07 PM,
Jo said…
It annoys me to no end when people say to me, "oh I could never do foster care, I would get too attached!" Um, yeah, what does that say about me? I am a monster who is incapable of attachment? Perhaps I am a person who is capable of putting the child's needs before my own. As you are. To love fully even when you know it is going to hurt. I would correct him, and ask him to call you Auntie perhaps. But love him close and love him up big, he will probably need lots of it to get him through what is coming up. Be a safe, loving memory for this child, I know you can.
At 9:21 PM,
Runergirl said…
What a great mom you are!!! Honestly, I was adopted when I was two and don't remember it really. However, I am also divorced and my son has known my current husband since he was 13 onths old and he calls him daddy. I also had a step dad growing up and I called him dad. To me it just means you are treating him like a mom or dad would. I wouldn't say anything about it. Let him call you what he is comfortable with. I also think by exposing him to his bio dad you are doing him a favor. You are doing everything right. I can't imagine how hard this must be. Good luck mama!
At 1:05 PM,
DrSpouse said…
Here children who are adopted from foster care are introduced to their new parents over a period of a week or longer, with day-long visits by the new parents at the old parents' house. If there is any way you can do something similar, even just taking him over for a visit, he will become more familiar with his dad, hopefully!
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