Trying

I'm almost afraid to write this for fear of jinxing things, but I think Smiley is TRYING to take a step. He was taking steps with me holding his hands (a huge milestone for Smiley). He even appeared to try to let go of the coffee table to try and take a step toward me. I think he took a half of step, or maybe I was imagining.

He is still wanting to get on his toes a lot though. Maybe he will walk one day. We are taking him to an orthopedic surgeon Friday to have his feet checked out.

Good news from the plastic surgeon. Looks like no more surgeries with him for a while. He does still have a hole in his palette, but it has to be there so when it all grows together, his gumline will be even.

We see the general surgeon on Monday for his g-tube. I asked them to order another, but I may ask him to remove it. I haven't used it in at least 5-6 months, except for convenience when Bubbles had her blowout on his adoption day, but that doesn't count. I COULD have spoon fed him on the way to court, but I didn't want his adorable outfit to get dirty for pictures. I have always been afraid to remove it, but it may be time. He is gaining weight. He's still on soft foods, but I'm getting enough nutrients in him, and since there are no more mouth surgeries, it may happen. Of course, we'll get the doctor's opinion first.

I dreamed about Bubbles all night last night. I dreamed I met her new foster parents in court. They were ok. I got to hold Bubbles and give her kisses, and she had finally grown some hair. I want her back, but don't want to go through the loss again with caseworker so set on quick reunification.

We picked up K's little brother last night and took them both to Outb*ck. I must say both of his brothers are much calmer than he is. He is a very sweet kid. I told L before we picked him up, I did not want to adopt both of them. Now L is talking about having him spend the night with us sometime(just for them to visit, not to adopt him). I'm not sure this is a good idea as I don't want either of them to get their hopes up. I mentioned getting bunks for his room(for him and Smiley when Smiley gets bigger. He asked if they would be for him and T(his brother), and I said they would be for him and Smiley. K then asked why I was gonna get another baby and I reminded him that the first weekend he was here, that he would have 2 or 3younger siblings, probably babies.

This is where I will sound selfish, but I have one opening left(2 if I take a sibling set), and I still very much want another baby. Maybe if we moved into a bigger house, I'd think about it, but I just can't take 2 almost teenage boys after losing Bubbles and her sibling. Plus, K acts out a lot around his brother, almost jealous. We had to explain to him that we were giving T the extra attention, because he did not get to go home to a family like K did. The best I could do is try to find a home for T that would be willing to allow sibling visits. I can see why they are being placed separately. Individually each is ok, but together, they would be a handful.

Christmas

On one hand, I know I should feel blessed, because this is my first Christmas as a legal mommy to Smiley.

Still, I miss both of my girls. One in heaven, and one moved to another home because of lies told to the judge by the caseworker. Earlier this week that very same caseworker calls us to take another 5 year old girl. The nerve! Gonna lie about us and rip our foster daughter away from the people who were acting as parents to her to put her in a foster home who would do as they wanted.

I want another baby girl, but I refuse to take another placement with our parish. Bubbles' attorney had asked us if we would consider taking the sister of the little boy that was killed by his father (see post titled "A Child Dies"). She said it would be temporary. What the hell?? A parent can kill one child and the caseplan is still gonna be reunification? That is just insane! I said no way I'm working with a judge that stupid. Of course, not in those exact words.

Why don't I quit all this craziness? I want another. I have two boys, and would like a girl now, or at least one more baby.

Sometimes I think about Princess. If she were still alive, she'd be almost adopted and we could close our homes and end all this madness.

I guess we'll be on this roller coaster at least 2 more years.

On the bright side, I am so enjoying my time off with Smiley. It's like a mini-maternity leave I never had.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas.

Boy: Age 11-13

Yup, you read it write. That's what was written on K's Christmas gift he received at the group home! Ok, it was obviously donated, but would it have hurt for someone to take the time to put his name on it.

Group homes are given a HUGE amount of money to care for these children(about 10 times our board check) and he came here with practically nothing but several shirts and pants that were stained and about 5 sizes too big. It's a good thing we went shopping the first visit he was with us.

K has officially moved in with us today. We met his older brother, who has been adopted a couple years ago. I was so thrilled that his adoptive family let him come for a visit. I had previously heard that they wanted no contact with any of the family, even his brothers. Older brother was very polite and chewed K out on his grades, the way he talked and his baggy pants. We gave him all our numbers so he can call K if he wants. I'm hoping his adoptive parents may be later open to visits occasionally. He lives near my parents so visiting wouldn't be much of an inconvenience for us. I advise all new foster parents, or those considering becoming foster parents to consider open adoptions with the siblings. You don't have to make it legal, but if you could allow them to visit their siblings(especially if they were close, then seperated), they will be so grateful. I know it may not be safe if siblings are with bio parents, but if they are in another adoptive home, go for it!

I hope his younger brother will eventually find an adoptive home too, that will consider letting them visit each other.

I think part of the reason I'm getting the cold shoulder at work is because of K. My principal asked if I was sure I wanted to take him as she looked at his not so perfect school records. She reluctantly agreed to let him come to school there, but we opted for public school. I don't want him to get foster child treatment there.

When you're a foster parent, people will think one of two things:
1. You're a saint
2. You're a psycho

There's really no in between. Unfortunately most people think # 2 of us. How could we take those kids? They have problems, issues.

Well my little 2 year old medically needy, so pitiful, mentally retarded child(all what they told me about Smiley before he moved in with us) is jumping in his bed behind me laughing. Maybe he won't be a rocket scientist, but I couldn't be happier and he is the blessing...I'm not a saint for taking him!

It Can Get Worse

My principal had a meeting with me yesterday.

Principal: "I'm gonna relieve you from this 4th grade group and let you take over library for the rest of the year."

Me: Uhhh...what about next year?

Principal: We'll see what positions are available next year. This is a tough group of kids and she(the librian) is more experienced. You're having a hard time managing this group.

Me: So, when will I know if my contract is being renewed or not?

Principal: You should know by April.

How strange...in my evaluation, she wrote that discipline was improving. There is so much I cannot do to discipline them. I cannot deduct from their grades for talking during a test(cheating). I cannot give them a low F, I must curve to the highest F. I cannot drop a certain kid's conduct grade because he's "depressed" and his mom is letting him get away with murder for it!

What will I do? Continue working toward my teaching certificate and try to get a job in a public school(and a very big raise).

In other news, a formal complaint was made about Bubbles' caseworker by her attorney and action must be taken since she lied on the stand. Now that I have no chance of adopting her, I will still say I don't support reunification with these parents at the time.

Our 13 year old, K, moves in tomorrow.


Of all things that's been going wrong, I've been praising God for my job I love so much, and now it is in jeopardy too.

Will I ever catch a break?

Gone

Bubbles is gone.

She did not go home, but caseworker lied to the judge saying we wouldn't take her brother and he ordered them together, so they moved her. They didn't even consider the bonding she had to us and her brother Smiley, but only her biological brother she's see 2-3 times for an hour.

We could have fought it and took them both, but a new judge ordered visits increased to 3 times a week! He lumped the two cases together, so basically, they get a fresh start and the 9 months Bubbles has been in care is erased! Bubbles was already dealing with severe diarehea from the last visit(were suspecting salmonella from the iguana they bring to the visits).

It was a decision I had to make for my family. Smiley still has a few surgeries to go and I can't be exposing the rest of my family to all these illnesses because caseworker doesn't have the balls to tell dad to leave the lizard home!

What they did was SO wrong but with caseworker lying to the judge about us AGAIN, it's only a matter of time before they make up accusations against us and take Smiley because of it. Everyone was working against us.

I absolutely will not take any more kids from our parish. I can't work with people who support reunification with drug dealers!

Little Brother

Bubbles' little brother came into care today. We were not called to take him, although we are willing and able to. It was a personal thing. Her attorney advised us to worry about keeping her with us for now and she thinks she can keep them from taking her, after all, we are willing to take both.

In a way, I'm disappointed, but at least I know he's safe now. I'll keep you posted when I hear more after the hearing in a couple days.

A Child Dies

I heard it on the news a couple nights ago. A young boy was going to weekend visits with his bio parents and coming home badly bruised everytime. Nothing was done. The dad killed him this weekend. I fear this with Bubbles, that's why I worry so much. It was one of the kids Bubbles' attorney represented, and she was crushed. She cares about her kids and she is definately in her profession for the right reason. Please send prayers for the child's family and foster family. I've been there and know the pain too well.

Good news on the Bubbles front. I misunderstood L about the weekend visits. Her mom told L they would be starting weekend visits and that we would have to bring her to visit Christmas Eve. Now I'm sure it's not true, because it didn't come from the caseworker. Her attorney and CASA both confirmed this was not true. This is such a relief. As far as the daycare situation, there's not much I can do. I just can't move my other children who are being so well-cared for there, so I will just continue to pray for their safety and consider it a blessing that the little guy will be well-cared for at least 5 days and week.

Bio mom goes to trial next week. Please pray for justice.

And You Thought this Case Couldn't get any worse...

Here is the crap I'm now having to put up with for Bubbles:

1. Caseworker enrolled Bubbles' little brother at our daycare. Now both her parents(one with a history of violence) can come in and out of our daycare anytime. Teacher would have said they didn't have openings had she known who he was, but caseworker tricked her and didn't tell her.

2. Why is caseworker enrolling him in daycare? He is not in foster care. Isn't that mom's responsibility? Why should she get state paid daycare when dad is not working?


3. Mom and dad brought an Ig*uana to her visit at M*c D*nald's! Caseworker said nothing, even as he stuck the thing in Bubbles' face. Dad later fed her 3 month old brother Bubbles' baby food I had sent for her to eat! Again nothing was said about the fact that he's way too young for babyfood and that they were stealing BUBBLE'S food to give their other child. Yes, I can afford to lose a jar of babyfood, but it makes me wonder if they cannot feed the little one. They also have a cat in the house that sleeps in the bed with the baby.

4. Bubbles has been having a bad flare up of her wheezing this week and we've been doing breathing treatments about 4 times a day.

4. Caseworker called L and said she would be starting overnight and weekend visits soon. As far as I know(and CASA confirmed this) the judge has not permitted unsupervised visits. Can this be done without a court order?

Her attorney and CASA will beging fighting this on Monday, so next week could be really bad for us. Please send prayers. These people completely ignore her health condition and that scares the hell out of me!

About to Take Off

Bubbles is now taking 5-10 steps unassisted. I stand her up, get her going,let her go and she takes around 10 steps by herself before falling! I am going to be in trouble soon.