I Called Her

Princess' mom. I just had too. Wby the contact now..at this time, when she's been out of jail 5 months. She may be having to cut a lot of ties and need someone and I have to reach out. Besides, she is a part of Princess.

When I called, she told me she really wanted to talk to me, but she was at work. I told her please, don't lose your job, call me later. I haven't heard back yet, but I'm sure there will be much to talk about. I just want to tell her how proud I am, since it seems she's stayed out of trouble for several months. I think she may help me too, as she is the only one who will truly understand my pain. At least she can look after her grave now, since she had to be buried so far from us.

I think everything will be ok with Smiley and K, but I just had a lot to take in yesterday.

Princess

I received a card in the mail today (I have a P.O box). It was from Princess' mom. It was a thank you card. She has been home since Nov., working and doing well.

While I'm glad to hear she's doing well, I'm a bit disturbed at such a short sentence for armed robbery. She left a number for us to call. I'm considering it. If you've read my blog you'll know that we have a rather good relationship considering the circumstances. When I met her, I choose(had to have been God working through me though) to forgive her instead of being angry at her. In this strange way there's a bond. We both lost our daughter we loved so dearly. I felt this urge that I needed to help her, though I didn't know how. Sometimes, I think she is the only one who will truly understand my loss.

I may write her back by letter. I just don't know what to say, but in a weird way, dying to talk to her.

In other news, we're having some more serious problems with K and not sure if the placement will work out.

Prognosis from Smiley's teacher is not good. He has made very little progress in the last year. His teacher also mentioned the daycare workers saying they weren't sure how much longer they'd be able to meet his needs. They haven't talked to us directly. I'm terrified at the thought of him getting to the point where I can't care for him. It's no problem now that he's still young, but when he gets older I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't progress. I know it's still a long way off and miracles can happen, but reality is starting to hit me.


As you can can, our family could use some prayers for guidance now.

Interview

I got an interview Monday afternoon with the elementary school in my town. I don't know if there are openings, but just called and set a time to talk to the principal.

I finally donated Bubbles' formula, nearly 30 extra cans, so maybe I'll get a call for a baby soon. I found a mom from school whose baby could drink it.

In other news, we had an above ground pool (30' round) given to us about two years ago. We are finally having it put up.

Still under a lot of stress and feeling the pains of infertility again, as I want another baby so badly.

It's my foster kids

I had this suspicion when my principal told me she couldn't rehire me next year. I didn't ask why because I knew it was personal. Today confirmed this at our lunch table conversation.

Teachers were discussing the kids in the polygamist colony that were taken. I mentioned that it's a shame the state will probably send them all back to continue to get abused. Then my principal makes this remark to me:

WELL, YOU'RE NOT GONNA TAKE ALL 400 OF THEM ARE YOU?

I should have said something along the lines of, "Well, if I was fortunate enough to have a house like yours, I would have." or "How many are you gonna help? Just the one downstairs bedroom in your house I saw will hold 3 kids."

This wasn't the first, When Missy came she said, "so...you have three kids now."

Before we took K and we were gonna put him in school with me she asked, "Are you sure you want to take him?"

When we someone got on the subject about Princess dying, her remark was, "Well, you knew she was sick right."

I know I don't need to work in a place like that. I'm counting down the days.

Pictures

Ok, here are some pics ofSmiley taken a couple weeks ago.

Searching

Well, I'm still here. Barely. I took the opportunity to bring Smiley to an out of town doctor's appointment rather than have to re-schedule again. It's not like I have a job next year, so why not? Orthopedic doctor says everything looks fine and reccommends P/T twice a week, beginning the summer I'm off. Now to find someone who can see him that often that isn't two hours away.

After returning home, I turned in my application to the local school board. Next step is contacting the principals of the schools I'd like to teach at. Also, trying to wrap up some projects for school.

I read a very interesting explanation on why suffering is necessary. It comforted me a bit, as I know He will get me through it. In summary, suffering patiently is a way of sharing a bit of Jesus' passion. Suffering is from God. We must pray that He give us the strength and patience to get through it, and (if it's in His will) to deliver us from suffering. It's hard to let go at times you're in such pain, but if you lose your faith, what's left?

I guess what hit me hardest about my job is I felt I was serving God by teaching at a Catholic school, rather than just being their for a career.

No Baby, No Job

Baby went with grandma.

My principal tells me today she cannot re-hire me next year although I know for a fact there are several openings. I didn't ask for a reason and she doesn't have to give one as I'm only under a year contract.

I just don't know how much more I can take.