Still Can't Believe it

It still feels so unreal that I am actually a mom. It's kinda like when I first got married and it felt different calling L my husband! I guess after so much heartache and struggle, it's hard to believe it's over, at least for Smiley it is.

We went through part 2 of his hypospadias repair last week and I was able to sign ALL the surgery consent papers. I was always "mommy" at the other surgeries, but this time my signature was good and I didn't need a judge to allow my child to have surgery.

Some people tell us we're good people for taking him, but I wanted a baby. I wanted more than anything to be a mommy.

L will be picking up our other adoptive placement tomorrow for another weekend visit. Honestly, I'm not crazy about the thought of an older child, but this is not for me, but for him. It will be a challenge, but he can be helped. Him and L fit together really well. I'm sure we'll get closer as time goes by. I think I am just kinda left out with all the "boy stuff" happening last week.

I'm tired of trying to figure out what's happening with Bubbles. Parents have missed 3 of the last 4 visits. Caseworker says its because mom is working(and I applaud her for that), but where is dad? The type of work mom does is mostly shiftwork, so it's not very likely she works 8-5 Monday through Friday. The goal is reunification and I worry she will not know her parents if she returns home if they don't make more effort to attend visits. There seems to be no consequence for missed visits, just like there were no consequences when her mom failed to show up for her court date(for her criminal charges). I just don't understand what better things they have to do than miss that one precious hour a week with their daughter.

Sometimes I still long to have a baby of my own...not to be pregnant, give birth, or have a biological child, but to be able to take a new baby home, it be mine and not have to worry about saying goodbye. Of course then I'd have never known Smiley, Scooter, Princess, Baby D, and Bubbles.

Another Son

Well, we are in the process of accepting an adoptive placement of a 13 year old boy. We first visited him on Halloween, and he's been spending the Thanksgiving week with us. He needs some training, but I think with some work, he will be a fit with our family.

Yesterday I laid down 3 rules that were non-negiotiable if he wanted to stay here:

1. Do not get arrested.

2. Do not get kicked out of school.

3. Do not hurt our other babies, animals, or us.

Of course there will be more, but if those are broken, he cannot stay. I told him as I went over this that I know he's probably not gonna do this but telling him anyway.

He's getting used to the babies, as much as a boy can with babies. He has picked up some bad habits from the group home he's living in, but he lives in a really bad area with about 8 other boys that are around 17!

Just a quick update. More to come later.

I want to do it myself!!

My baby girl is getting to be so independent. I was feeding Bubbles this evening, then stopped to give Smiley a bite, and she grabbed her spoon off the table and put it in her mouth. I took it from her and she started raising hell. I tried to feed her another bite and she clamped her mouth shut. Then I took her hand, placed the spoon in it, helped her scoop out some food and guided her hand to her mouth and she opened wide and took a bite! She wanted to do it by herself! Pretty soon she'll be walking and won't need me anymore.

At Smiley's adoption party, Bubbles would not go to anyone else(except my dad) because she wanted me. Someone would put their arms out to take her and she would just bury her little head in my shoulder. It was so sweet. On one hand, I wanted someone else to lug her around for a while, but just so tickled that she only wanted me.

Smiley is continuing to get better with his feeding. I can usually get him to eat three jars of baby food in under 30 minutes which is just awesome. I haven't used the feeding tube in a couple months, except Friday when we had a little emergency before court and I had to tube feed him to not be late and get his adoption outfit dirty. See Bubbles decided to have a blowout diaper that morning. She was literally covered from neck to toe on both sides. I had to wrap her in a blanket, carry her to the tub, and scrub her off. The blanket went to the garbage and L was gagging! We did make it to court on time, which was a miracle. You can always count on a diaper blowout when you have an important appointment.

It's still hard to believe I made it to the other side and became a mommy. I want to adopt a few more, so still a long struggle ahead. We're actually seriously considering a 12 year old freed for adoption and met him once. I'll have to give you the scoop on him soon.

Mine

I could have gotten pregnant, but then I'd never be able to make this announcement...

After 3 1/2 long years of prayers and heartache I'm finally a mommy!

Welcome to the family, Nicholas Ryan!!!

I have a son!!

Six more months

of Bubbles! She will be with us at least another six months. Caseworker got on the stand and didn't mention ANY of the arrests, charges or police records of violence and dr*g charges for bio mom and dad. Bubbles' attorney brought everything out and the judge was shocked and pissed for her withholding information. We found out in court her bio dad is even more dangerous than we previously thought. Before she came into care, he chased bio mom and Bubbles with a g*un! Both denied it in court,but it was in the police report. Judge was so frustrated, he ordered her in care another six months and ended the hearing, forgetting completely about her little brother! Thank God for Bubbles attorney or she would not be with us now.

In better news, on Friday, I will officially have a son! Smiley's adoption is going to be finalized!

Well, gotta get back to my schoolwork now. I'll update more later.