Still Can't Believe it
It still feels so unreal that I am actually a mom. It's kinda like when I first got married and it felt different calling L my husband! I guess after so much heartache and struggle, it's hard to believe it's over, at least for Smiley it is.
We went through part 2 of his hypospadias repair last week and I was able to sign ALL the surgery consent papers. I was always "mommy" at the other surgeries, but this time my signature was good and I didn't need a judge to allow my child to have surgery.
Some people tell us we're good people for taking him, but I wanted a baby. I wanted more than anything to be a mommy.
L will be picking up our other adoptive placement tomorrow for another weekend visit. Honestly, I'm not crazy about the thought of an older child, but this is not for me, but for him. It will be a challenge, but he can be helped. Him and L fit together really well. I'm sure we'll get closer as time goes by. I think I am just kinda left out with all the "boy stuff" happening last week.
I'm tired of trying to figure out what's happening with Bubbles. Parents have missed 3 of the last 4 visits. Caseworker says its because mom is working(and I applaud her for that), but where is dad? The type of work mom does is mostly shiftwork, so it's not very likely she works 8-5 Monday through Friday. The goal is reunification and I worry she will not know her parents if she returns home if they don't make more effort to attend visits. There seems to be no consequence for missed visits, just like there were no consequences when her mom failed to show up for her court date(for her criminal charges). I just don't understand what better things they have to do than miss that one precious hour a week with their daughter.
Sometimes I still long to have a baby of my own...not to be pregnant, give birth, or have a biological child, but to be able to take a new baby home, it be mine and not have to worry about saying goodbye. Of course then I'd have never known Smiley, Scooter, Princess, Baby D, and Bubbles.
We went through part 2 of his hypospadias repair last week and I was able to sign ALL the surgery consent papers. I was always "mommy" at the other surgeries, but this time my signature was good and I didn't need a judge to allow my child to have surgery.
Some people tell us we're good people for taking him, but I wanted a baby. I wanted more than anything to be a mommy.
L will be picking up our other adoptive placement tomorrow for another weekend visit. Honestly, I'm not crazy about the thought of an older child, but this is not for me, but for him. It will be a challenge, but he can be helped. Him and L fit together really well. I'm sure we'll get closer as time goes by. I think I am just kinda left out with all the "boy stuff" happening last week.
I'm tired of trying to figure out what's happening with Bubbles. Parents have missed 3 of the last 4 visits. Caseworker says its because mom is working(and I applaud her for that), but where is dad? The type of work mom does is mostly shiftwork, so it's not very likely she works 8-5 Monday through Friday. The goal is reunification and I worry she will not know her parents if she returns home if they don't make more effort to attend visits. There seems to be no consequence for missed visits, just like there were no consequences when her mom failed to show up for her court date(for her criminal charges). I just don't understand what better things they have to do than miss that one precious hour a week with their daughter.
Sometimes I still long to have a baby of my own...not to be pregnant, give birth, or have a biological child, but to be able to take a new baby home, it be mine and not have to worry about saying goodbye. Of course then I'd have never known Smiley, Scooter, Princess, Baby D, and Bubbles.
posted by Lisa @ 7:40 PM
3 Comments:
At 6:58 AM,
Julie said…
I am glad to hear you are settling in to your not new but now "official" title. I long for that day! I am hoping that you will have more time to get to know your new older son as well- it will be a bit harder though as he really needs a dad at his age than an mom- Hang in there! your doing a great job!
At 7:29 AM,
Happy Mama to Three said…
Another son AMAZING! Being the Mommy AMAZING! Still being stuck in the middle with Bubbles, a PITA. And I understand the need to have a little person placed in your arms, be called Mama, and to walk away with your child. I will keep you all in my prayers that more good things happen.
Cindi
At 12:18 PM,
Amanda said…
I know exactly what you mean - I have NO desire to be pregnant, save for the fact I would know the baby was mine and was never going anywhere.
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