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You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Close Call

I am coming to the end of a really crappy week, only to blog and find a troll. It does fit well with my week though. I temporarily removed the last post because I believe I said more than I should have about a case that is getting really nasty. Agree with me or not, I will not pretend to support reunification in cases where it is clearly not in the child's best interest.

If Bubbles has a decent relative that comes forward, with suitable living conditions that can care for her, I will support reunification. I will not be happy about losing her. I will ask what took so long, but if I know she will be cared for, I will grieve her loss and move on(after I gripe a couple posts and let it all out).

Here were some of the highlights:

*We took in a 15 yr old girl Tues night, who was a runaway from another state caught on an A*mber alert. Her mom came for her the next day. She came with nothing. She was very sweet though. Seemed to be a good girl who just made a couple bad decisions.

*My coworker is still giving me fits with her kid. It's amazing how her child is the only one having problems.

*Thursday would have been Princess' first birthday.

*Bubbles sibling almost came into care today(probably Monday). They weren't going to let us take him because we were under adoption contract to adopt Smiley and weren't allowed to take any placements. Then they were talking about removing Bubbles and placing her and her brother somewhere else. I was hysterical! We had to make some frantic phone calls and eventually the judge ordered an investigation and the baby would go with us if the investigators felt the baby needed to be removed. The only reason the baby wasn't taken into care sooner was because the parents were lying about completing crucial parts of their caseplan and noone followed up to check on them. Yes, caseworker has all the police and arrest records since she came into care and is pretending nothing happened.

Just for clarification on my reunification stance:

I will support reunification when:

*It is the child's first time in care and the family has no other history with cps.
*The family made a stupid mistake, like spanking a child in public, or leaving them home a couple hours.
*A family member comes forward that is responsible enough to care for the child and not around when the abuse/neglect happened(like Scooter's dad).
*A child gets taken into care for poverty alone,but the parents are trying to get back on their feet.


I cannot support reunification when:

*Drugs are involved or drug dealing, and the parents are not successfully completing treating or attempting to change.

*Parents have serious mental illnesses and refuse to seek treatment.

*The child has been in care more than once.

*One or both parents have a history of violence towards others, and refuse to admit to the problem and seek treatment.

*Neither of the parents are employed and have no desire to be employed.

Now if Bubbles' mom would leave the violent dad, find adequate housing and keep it clean(it doesn't have to be a nice place, but there's no excuse to have a filthy house), attempt to get a job(daycare is paid, so that's not an excuse) to support her children and finish her education, I would feel a lot better about reunification than I do now. If asking the mom to have these qualifications to support reunification is wrong, then I guess I'm a bad foster parent.

12 Comments:

  • At 5:32 AM, Blogger Nancy Lee said…

    Very well said! I so agree with your stated position and applaud you for being a loving caring foster parent you sound like. Happiness to you and your soon-to-be child.
    Take care...be aware,
    Nancy Lee
    http://childpersonfromthesouth.blogspot.com

     
  • At 9:17 AM, Blogger Laurie said…

    Well I pray the baby boy comes to you to be with his sister. They cannot take her to a new family to readjust AGAIN for the newborn. That would be damaging for her i would think.

    It all sounds crazy and you are being amazing through it all. The rollercoaster of it makes me never want to get on.

    Laurie - a lurker from Canada thinking of entering the world of fostercare.

     
  • At 12:33 PM, Blogger Cookie's Mom said…

    100% agreement here, no doubt. I also do not support reunification for someone who has also had prior involuntary terminations and has done nothing to change except watch the time pass.

     
  • At 4:20 PM, Blogger Mom said…

    I agree with you. I sure wish Im could have read the last post. So sorry someone had to bug you about it. I know how it goes. Good luck and praying that Bubbles sibling comes to you. God Bless

     
  • At 6:09 PM, Blogger GLouise said…

    Hi Lisa- those of us who know you know that you are a good foster parent and are following all of the rules.
    Sorry you had such a rough week. hang in there!!!

     
  • At 8:27 PM, Blogger Willuharleybuddy said…

    I haven't signed before, but have been reading for quire some time now. I just had to jump in and say something to anonymous. If you had read for more than just this past week, you would know that most of the crimes from Bubbles mom and dad have been in the paper. Can you take some advice from my Grandma? If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
    Lisa, you are an excellent foster Mom. Don't let someone who doesn't even have the guts to post their name upset you.

     
  • At 10:22 PM, Blogger Felicia said…

    I agree with you 100% As long as those babies are in your care it is your right to make sure they get the best outcome! I support you! You and your family are in my thoughts. Hang on, you are doing a great job

     
  • At 11:15 AM, Blogger Dream Mommy said…

    Why would I make things up? Bubbles attorney and CASA have ALL the evidence. Why caseworker does nothing about it....ever heard of laziness? Not only was it in the paper, her attorney also obtained all the police records and mental health info. Why hasn't the judge taken the baby into care? He's very careful and likes to cover his tracks so there's no grounds for an appeal and can say they were given every chance.

     
  • At 4:00 AM, Blogger mom to three great kids said…

    Keep up the good work Dream Mommy and don't let anyone put as damper on your day or week....they are not worth it.....Good luck!

     
  • At 8:29 AM, Blogger Jody said…

    I totally agree with you on the reunification plan. Afterall, the kids have to come first. It's the parent's/caregiver's fault the kid is in foster care.

    Keep up the good work!

     
  • At 12:11 AM, Blogger Emily said…

    long time lurker here, just wanted to say I completely agree with you and I think you are doing a great job with these kids. It is wonderful what you do, and congratulations on Smiley's adoption! Hope this week is a better one :)
    -Emily

     
  • At 2:18 PM, Blogger Chromesthesia said…

    I'd also like to add, having visited this site for the first time, that folks that are extremely violent towards a child, such as this case I read about where parents broke both of the child's leg intentially and the child was only 3 weeks old, should not get a second chance.
    Same with a man who bit off his childs bottom lip. That is unacceptable.

    I shall read more. I am trying to learn more about the system and push for reforms.

     

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