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You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Making Up the Missed Goodbye Kisses

I had a dream about Princess last night. She was so real. I knew that she had somehow "come back to life" and wasn't supposed to be here. I told myself it wasn't a dream, because it seemed like several days had gone by in the dream. She was so beautiful, happy, and didn't appear sick at all(although I knew she was). I just remember smothering her with kisses, cause even then, I knew she could "die again."

I remember not long after the funeral I longed for a dream of her alive. It was really refreshing to "see" her again. I remember caring about nothing but treasuring every second I had holding her. It's like I was able to give her the goodbye kisses I missed when she went to heaven. How I wish I would have treasured her more. Who ever knew I'd have to say goodbye so soon? If I had only known when she boarded that helicopter it would have been the last time I would tell her goodbye. Such a small, short kiss on the cheek before she left. I thought I'd been spending weeks at the hospital with her...

As I listen to C@rrie Und*rwood's song, "This is Just a Dream", some of those words describe the experience of the funeral so well:
Baby, why'd you leave me,
why'd you have to go,
I was counting on forever,
now I'll never know...

I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE
It's like I'm looking from a distance,
standing in the background

News like this...takes your breath away. It feels like it can't really be happening and you just get numb. Maybe this is why L didn't take little Prince, for fear of reliving this kind of tragedy again.

5 Comments:

  • At 6:17 PM, Blogger QuEEn oF tHe cAstLe said…

    SO sorry for your loss. The pain never truly goes away. Those memories will always be close to your heart.
    :::Tears from NY:::

     
  • At 10:09 AM, Blogger Happy Mama to Three said…

    You might have only had that tiny beautiful soul in your arms for only a day

    But I know in my heart, you would have have loved her anyway, and not just loved her but loved her with the total abandon that you still do.

    She knows that you love her like no mother in the world could. It brought tears to my eyes that, if only in a dream, you were blessed with "goodbye kisses."

    hang in there Cindi

     
  • At 8:20 AM, Blogger JUST A MOM said…

    ((HIGS))

     
  • At 7:16 PM, Blogger AA said…

    I don't know if it will help, but I know exactly how you feel, since I have been there myself. I'm sorry. I long for those kisses and hugs too.

     
  • At 12:53 PM, Blogger mary grace said…

    hugs and prayers for you.

     

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