Happy Birthday

Happy 2nd birthday, my little Princess.

We miss you so much.

Bubbles Home

L saw her yesterday with her mom at the store. She was FILTHY. Mom is about to pop again. Please pray for her. This is the "dad" who went after mom and baby with a gun and both mom and dad recently dealing dr*gs.

All the fighting for nothing.

Baby Steps

Smiley is definately taking his first steps. He will take about 3 at a time if he gets a good balance. I can't believe it! Just a month before his 3rd birthday and he may start walking soon!

Making Up the Missed Goodbye Kisses

I had a dream about Princess last night. She was so real. I knew that she had somehow "come back to life" and wasn't supposed to be here. I told myself it wasn't a dream, because it seemed like several days had gone by in the dream. She was so beautiful, happy, and didn't appear sick at all(although I knew she was). I just remember smothering her with kisses, cause even then, I knew she could "die again."

I remember not long after the funeral I longed for a dream of her alive. It was really refreshing to "see" her again. I remember caring about nothing but treasuring every second I had holding her. It's like I was able to give her the goodbye kisses I missed when she went to heaven. How I wish I would have treasured her more. Who ever knew I'd have to say goodbye so soon? If I had only known when she boarded that helicopter it would have been the last time I would tell her goodbye. Such a small, short kiss on the cheek before she left. I thought I'd been spending weeks at the hospital with her...

As I listen to C@rrie Und*rwood's song, "This is Just a Dream", some of those words describe the experience of the funeral so well:
Baby, why'd you leave me,
why'd you have to go,
I was counting on forever,
now I'll never know...

I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE
It's like I'm looking from a distance,
standing in the background

News like this...takes your breath away. It feels like it can't really be happening and you just get numb. Maybe this is why L didn't take little Prince, for fear of reliving this kind of tragedy again.

The Little Things

I got Smiley's medicine filled and it had his adoptive name on it!

Yes, it's taken almost a year after the adoption for all the paperwork to catch up.

I guess it doesn't take much to thrill me.

I may never be pregnant, but I am still a mommy.

I'm watching my sleeping baby(almost 3) and I think....I could have gotten pregnant, but then I'd never have this:



He may have a lot of challenges ahead, but I wouldn't trade those hugs for anything!

I remember when I wondered if he'd ever crawl. There he is, pulling up and walking around like crazy(holding on to something of course, but still amazing)!