Lonely Night

Last night was a rough one for me again. I've had worse, but still pretty lonely. L and I got in an arguement last night over a bunch of stupid stuff, mostly because of how crappy and lonely I was feeling. It makes him feel like he's not enough for me. That's not how it is. He's wonderful. I just want more. All my life I've been dreaming of having a husband and children. I'm grateful for my husband, but I have so much more love to share than with just one family member.

I think when my doctor releases me to start my bodypump class again I will feel better. Exercise really does relieve stress.

I think I found a yorkie! I'm going to look at a couple this weekend when I go to my parents' for the LSU game. The lady has a male and female and reasonably priced because she's not going to breed them. Fine by me. I want one yorkie, not a litter. I think L is finally in agreement to let me have it. We'll see. We let our big dog in last night. That was interesting. I'm trying to talk L into letting me bring it home with me this weekend instead of waiting. It's gonna be nice having a pet that I don't have to beg for attention. If I want lovies from one of my cats, I gotta chase them around the house and catch them first. Yes, this is an attempt to fill the hole in my heart until I have children. No, the dog will not get neglected when baby comes, I have plenty love to go around for all of them.

I'm really getting concerned about starting lupron treatment. I'm terrified of it sending me into a depression. I just had surgery and they got everything. Why can't I just start treatments now? Why do I have to go through another 3 month delay where not only will I not get pregnant, but I heard I will have to avoid pregnancy. Oh well, I hope to get some reassurance from my doctor tomorrow.