Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker

You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Since I'm taking such horrible care of her....

Dear Bubbles mom,

I'm sorry you feel that I am neglecting your daughter. I know you believe that I don't feed her cereal, give her coke, let her scratch her face, gave her cradle cap and purposely put red bumps on her knees and getting her rejected by E.arly S.teps. I understand you want to believe I'm neglecting your daughter so you can report me and get her back. This is not reasonable thinking. If you want her back, work your caseplan and prove to the judge you can care for her. Complaining will only at best, cause me to move her to another foster home, who will probably NOT be as willing to be polite to you as I have.

Since you are so concerned with trying to blame me for such crazy things, most of which are untrue, where were you when I....

1. Got Bubbles to stop smelling like a cigarette after 3 days of baths.
2. Took her to the doctor's office 4 times in the first 3 weeks, attempting to get her weezing and coughing(smoker's cough) under control.
3. Why did you not inform me of her medical condition? Did you really not care for her safety?
4. Spent over a week setting alarms to go off every 4-6 hours(yes, during the night too) to wake up and give her a breathing treatment, then attempt to put her back to sleep, only to start over in a few hours.
5. Was rocking her patting her back and assuring her the coughing would stop and breathing would get easier.
6. Stood in line over a hour so her mom could have a picture with the Easter Bunny on her first Easter. Waited another hour for the picture to be printed and purchased it with my money(and no thanks, Smiley's mom was very appreciative).
7. Rocked her and rubbed her belly when she had tummy aches from being overfed after visits.
8. Took her to WIC, got my hubby sick, so you wouldn't have to buy formula.

Apparantly, I'm not a good enough foster mom. Caseworker must not think so, since she says nothing to defend us. Maybe Bubbles isn't a good match and should find another foster home.

Do you understand how another move will affect your daughter? If you do not quit making untrue and stupid accusations, I may be forced to help her find another family to live with to protect my family. Please consider what harm this would do to your baby and work your caseplan to get her home rather than blaming me for every little thing.

Dreammommy


Of course, I'm not gonna send this, but had to get it out. I wrote about this at the palace this week and is much as she lights up my life, I am beginning to doubt she needs to stay with us. Caseworker and supervisor are not defending us and I'm terrified to imagine what will happen when she starts crawling and getting bruises, or worse...a diaper rash!

We need to talk to our worker, because I don't need this "child" messing up Smiley's adoption. The stress is taking a toll on our relationship too.

We're gonna try a little longer and see if things improve. I don't expect mom to quit complaining, but I do expect caseworker to defend us!

12 Comments:

  • At 11:26 AM, Blogger MommyNay said…

    I too went through this. Chances are caseworkers arent "defending" you because they see no reason to. They KNOW that this is a VERY typical reaction from Bio parents and I doubt they have any question as to the care you are giving bubbles. I KNOW how hard it is but try to just let it go in one ear and out the other. Its easier for her to blame you than it is for her to blame herself. Remove the emotional aspect from your realtionship with biomom for now and do your best to limit contact and conversations with her. Do not try to make HER happy or impress her. Continue to take good care of Bubbles as we all know you are. Its hard and it hurts, trust me I used to cry and cry over this with one of my baby boys...When *I* changed my attitude his mom quicly shaped up and came around. GL to you and keep your chin up. You dont *need* her approval to do a good job caring for this baby and quiet frankly you dont need the workers either, just live your life and love your kids. Your in my thoughts.

     
  • At 11:29 AM, Blogger Dream Mommy said…

    Mommynay,

    I don't have contact with her very much. Caseworker calls and tells us EVERYTHING she complains about at the visits. That's the main problems we're having. If caseworker wouldn't call us with every little complaint it wouldn't be so bad.

     
  • At 11:56 AM, Blogger Lorrih96 said…

    I am so sorry that you are all being put through this. Some people are just so unappreciative and jealous! That's the way I see her. Keep up the good work of being her Mommy. And Happy Belated Mother's Day! I hope it was a good day given the circumstances.

     
  • At 11:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am sorry this is happening to you. I pray the caseworker will grow up and learn when to bite her tongue.

     
  • At 1:47 PM, Blogger FosterAbba said…

    Birthparents suck.

    This is why I refuse to have any contact with them at all.

    I'll make the kid available so a case aide can pick them up and take them to visitation, court, etc., but I won't do it myself.

     
  • At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    L--

    Wow! I am sorry you are having such problems! I tried to get to the Palace, but it doesn't seem to take my password.... can you double check to see that it is up and running okay? I'm thinking the problem is probably on my end, but just in case....... Thanks!
    Yellowgirl

     
  • At 6:36 PM, Blogger Dream Mommy said…

    Yellowgirl,

    I don't know how to fix it, but can try sending another email invite. Email me if you still have problems. I'm kinda computer dumb, but I'll try.

     
  • At 6:54 PM, Blogger MJ said…

    Maybe you just got a bad worker. it sounds like she should be sorting out those complaints better. Prayers!

    MJ

     
  • At 8:08 PM, Blogger JUST A MOM said…

    Iam so sorry,,, I think maybe I woud have to tell the case worker you do not want to hear anythign the mom says unless it is a real concern or something from the system. When is visits and when is court dates. Do you guys have a foster care review board there? Or a board of "PEOPLE" who volenteer and hear an update on teh case adn make recomendations to the judge.

     
  • At 8:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    When I was with the children's aid, we were told to call foster parents whenever bio parents made any sort of complaints. From 'fingernails too long' to 'smells like dog' to any other sort of ridiculous complaint. It was annoying, and I'm sure it bothered the foster parents. At least you aren't receiving letters from the bio family. I have worked with some families that would write nasty letters and then hide them in the diaper bag...

     
  • At 2:05 PM, Blogger Kathy said…

    I am so sorry you're having to go through this. I can't even imagine the stress that you're under, and this bmom being such a witch making it worse.

    Just try to remember the source that all of this is coming from, and keep loving the little one's like you do. I know this has all got to be very hard for you and your family to deal with. I hope that things will get better soon.

    (((HUGS)))

     
  • At 7:20 PM, Blogger GLouise said…

    Feel free to vent all you need to with us!

    Have you asked the caseworker WHY she insists on sharing every single complaint with you guys?! That just seems RIDICULOUS and a major waste of taxpayer time and money!

    I guess that with time, this stuff will roll off your back, so to speak, but it is much easier said than done. I would be irritated too.

     

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