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You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Heartbroken

I don't know how to say this but here goes:

At the family visit today, baby N's younger older sister had a black eye. The supervisor pulled her aside and found several bruises on her. It turns out baby N's mom is watching her 2 girls while her mother is at work. She almost hit the girl in OCS office, but stopped herself when she realized where she was.

I may get attacked for this but I believe in spanking. That's what the bottom is designed for, but the child shouldn't has bruises all over from being disciplined, that's abuse! I know I cannot and will not spank a foster child, so don't freak out, I know the rules, but at 4 years old, taking away toys, privileges really has a much better effect than spanking.

The supervisor asked L if they pulled the girl, if we could take her today. We said yes. We'll worry about the space issue later, besides, our home development worker said one of our rooms could hold 2 children. They are investigating now, and I will post updates when I receive them.

I'm terrified and nearly in tears all day for the child. Children are such a precious gift from God. How could anyone mistreat them? To top it off, it was her birthday.

So many fears and questions...

Will MIL watch her and baby N in the evenings.
Can we pay nurse to watch her also?
How much is daycare? Do they have openings?
Is the other girl getting pulled too?

This placement, if it happens, will definately be a leap of faith. If God is bringing me this child, He will provide right? So I shouldn't worry about the details?

Back to baby N. Bio mom did her usual changing of his clothes, then handed him off to her boyfriend to feed and hold because "he was too heavy" Almost dropped him again. She was asking where I was.

I have a question for other foster parents. Do I have to go to the visit because biomom wants to talk to me? I thought my responsibility was bringing baby N to the visit. She wants me to come to the next one, but it's my busy time at work then, and we can't both miss work all the time?

I guess I need to ask his worker. Oh yeah, she's quitting in the next couple weeks! Wonderful!

Please pray for the precious little girl. I will refer to her as Princess from now on.

12 Comments:

  • At 10:50 AM, Blogger Julie said…

    That is just awful! I can't stomach the feeling that poor little girl. Makes me sad. Ya'll keep trusting God- He will provide.

    You don't have to go to visits to pacify the biomom- it isn't about her. She can get info through the caseworker.

     
  • At 11:24 AM, Blogger Lee said…

    Poor little - I have a 4 year old daughter and I can't imagine seeing her little face with a black eye. Just makes you want to rush out and scoop up that little princess and keep her safe.
    On the practical side - do things like this mean getting TPR for Baby N would be faster?

    (on the ing issue - I am with you - on the backside, for defiance only, and by the time they are 4 or 5 it's way more effective to lose a privilage instead. oh - and never (NEVER) in anger.)

    Leanne

     
  • At 11:43 AM, Blogger Tamara said…

    L - I'll try to be brief, hun:
    YES - the Lord will provide!!
    In our case, we do not have to go to any parent visit. In fact, we often requested the SW pick up the baby from day care and take him/her because we wished to NOT be involved (for lots of reasons.) Bottom line is - you never have to do what you don't want to do or feel comfortable doing. I don't think you should ever have to take off work to take N. to visits - if the state wants something to happen, I say let them do it - that's what transportation workers are hired for. Sounds crass, but you gotta look out for YOU, because the workers sure don't do it.

    We also get daycare paid for because we both work. See if you can get that, too. If we didn't have it covered, our daycare would cost $165 a week. Ouch. I wouldn't want MIL with both - especially given how she talks.

    Please let us know if you need anything - we may be in other states, but we are here for you, too!!

     
  • At 12:03 PM, Blogger Sunshine & Derrick said…

    WOW... I hope social services steps in and acts NOW!
    I will pray for Baby N and Princess and your situation. God will provide!
    As far as the visits, I know Baby Ms visits with BioGrandma are supervised and we NEVER have to meet her... don't wish too... DH is a cop and BioGrandmas BF is a Parolee...LOL! All of the visits are arranged through social services. I don't think it should be expected of you to attend just b/c the biomom wants to talk to you... she can always write her concerns or questions and have all communication in writing.
    Update on Princess when you can!

     
  • At 1:11 PM, Blogger Dream Mommy said…

    In our state, we are responsible for bringing the kids to the visit. Only transportation is provided for the bio family if needed.

    I just don't I should have to take off work, when L already has it arranged with his coworker to do the visits. I'd rather save those days for his doctor visits. Bio mom is welcome to talk to me there.

     
  • At 1:13 PM, Blogger Dream Mommy said…

    Oh yeah, baby N has 2 older sisters, princess and a 7 yr old. I don't think I can take them both. Just not enough room.

     
  • At 3:08 PM, Blogger MJ said…

    Could the girls share a room, if they offer both to you? It just breaks my heart to see teh family broken up. And you love baby n so much already!

    Praying that God protects those little girls. Is someone in trouble then for letting the mom watch them?

     
  • At 3:38 PM, Blogger Jo said…

    Chokes me all up, especially since we did have a Princess years ago. I still dream about her. Sweet girl, she took a piece of me when she went home. Good luck. What great people you are, what a blessing this could be for this lil gal.

     
  • At 5:04 PM, Blogger GLouise said…

    How awful!

    Just one more reason why the bio mom should not regain custody or anything close to it.

    ugh.

     
  • At 5:39 AM, Blogger Dream Mommy said…

    Mj,

    Yes the girls could probably share a room, but we have a 15yr old exchange student living with us until December!

    L's parents said they could take So Young if we got in a bind.

     
  • At 10:14 AM, Blogger FosterMommy said…

    You do not have to take time off from work to meet the birthmom just because she wants to meet you. Do you send a notebook with N to the visit? You can write a little something in it, like something new that he did since her last visit, and let her know that she can write back to you and ask you questions or whatever. That way you can have some 2-way communication, if that's what she's looking for.

    If she really needs to have a face-to-face meeting with you, she can organize that with the county and you for a time that you're available.

     
  • At 11:23 AM, Blogger Dream Mommy said…

    Fostermommy,

    Great idea with the notebook. I have previously met her, spending almost 7 hours with her at children's hospital just over a week ago...

     

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