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You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

This Is Actually Moving Along Pretty Quickly

Yellowgirl called me L in the comments and it made me realize something, I haven't recently used my first name in a while. I'm Lisa for those of you who didn't know my real name. I'm not worried about protecting the privacy of my first name here. However, if you know my husband's name, he doesn't want me to use his name.

The transition of baby N from foster to adoptive home is happening pretty quickly, says our home development worker.


Before we got into the home visit she had a long talk about the possible placement of baby N. I don't like it, but it's the way it has to be done and I just have to accept it:

-Stop fighting for him and just let it happen. Let God take care of everything.

-There is a pity factor involved with this child and you have to be sure you are not taking him out of pity.

-A weekend visit will give you a good chance to determine if you can really handle him. If you decide you can't take him, we will not hold a grudge. We will hold a gudge if you take him then call us later to come pick him up.

-We have to be careful so that we only have to move him once

-A sick child can be hard on your marriage, so be sure to seek counseling.

-Social worker is handling the situation exactly the same way I would. We are not the big bad state. We have to take care of the child.

-You are fortunate to have a foster mom so protective. That means that baby N has been well cared for. You are lucky to have a foster mom and worker who loves the child.

-It's only gonna be another week or so before he's in your home and that's not long.

-During the TPR hearing, rights will likely be immediately terminated. Chance of appeal is zero because the lawyer has to be convinced of a reason for an appeal. The evidence against her will not give the attorney grounds for appeal.

-They are not yet convinced of our committment. I don't know how else to convince them.

-Haven't heard from social worker today, so she got a break from us today.

The leave issue...L and I are still discussing it. L thinks I shouldn't take it right away since the nurse will be there. I want the bonding time with the baby. I was gonna just take it anyway, but I only get 12 weeks and if he has 3 surgeries this year, I may need to take a couple weeks per surgery, so I don't want to burn all my time.

If he didn't have a lot of other needs, I'd take my leave right away and screw my year end close. I'm gonna have to pray about the leave situation that God will work things out with my job and give me some bonding time with him.


  • At 8:37 PM, Blogger Lisa said…

    I'm a former foster child and current child advocate.

    Your instincts are right about bonding with baby N as soon as possible. That's definitely ideal. The biological parent has the initial advantage in that the baby hears mom's voice in the womb.

    But, just in case you have to keep on waiting for a while, here's a reassuring quote from anarticle in Parenting Magazine:
    AGES 0-1

    MYTH: If you don't cuddle with your newborn immediately, you'll never fully bond with her.

    FACT: The quality of your relationship with your baby doesn't depend on how you spend the first moments after she's born. Bonding is a process, not an instantaneous development.

    "The window of opportunity doesn't slam shut a few hours or even days after birth," says Martha Farrell Erickson, Ph.D., director of the Children, Youth and Family Consortium at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis. "What matters most is how you interact over the weeks and months that follow."

    Being attentive to her needs--such as responding at once when she cries--is vital. So as soon as you and your infant are united, hug, stroke, rock, and snuggle--your connection will be just as close as if you'd been from the start.

    SOURCE: The best way to bond , By: Wang, Karen, Parenting, 0890247X, Sep2003, Vol. 17, Issue 7

  • At 9:41 PM, Blogger soralis said…

    That is a lot to digest. I just hope you get to spend some time with baby N very soon.

    Take care

  • At 10:03 PM, Anonymous L said…

    Hi, I hope you don't mind my posting to you, but I have been reading your story since I stumbled upon it a while back. I have been very moved by your love for baby N and by the posts you have made about him. And reading here, your commitment to him is extremely obvious. Might I suggest that you show a couple of posts to the home development worker (I mean printed out, of course, so she doesn't have access to this site!). I would just tell her that you have been journaling your journey to adopt baby N, and that if your commitment hasn't come across clearly enough in talking then perhaps it would if she read your innermost thoughts on the subject. Your post "Happy Baby" brought me to tears, and anyone who read it would certainly understand your intensions! Also, I'd show her your post on "Love at first sight" as well! Just a suggestion! I'm praying so hard that that little boy is yours within the week!

  • At 5:31 AM, Blogger Dream Mommy said…


    Unfortunately, no words will convince them. I have to do exactly what they tell me.

    Social worker wants me to have a bad night with baby N and be sure I still want him. I'm seriously considering faking a bad night so I can tell her, yeah, he kept me up, but I still want him.

  • At 7:38 AM, Blogger Julie said…

    Lisa- Trust God- He is in control- Baby N will give you a bad night- and you will cherish it and love him and hold him in your arms and tell that social worker how much you love him- the love at first sight is true- you can't fake it- as for time off- do what you need to do- I am actually having plenty of bonding time with my sugar bean at night and on the weekends- she knows who I am and lights up when I get home and my sister in law keeps her during the day- I would love to be home with her all day but I have to work- it is okay- I will take the time off when/if I adopt her- if it is God's plan for us. The weekends are GREAT with her- but working isn't that bad. :)


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