But I Still Want to Get Pregnant

Baby N is absolutely amazing! I fell in love with him instantly(and they said in the MAPP class we probably wouldn't bond with the child instantly). I am ecstatic about the possibility of him being my son.

My son...did I just say that? I hope I didn't jinx anything.

Although I'm ready for adoption, and love baby N like my own, I still want to get pregnant. I thought that pain would go away, but it hasn't yet. I can figure out if it's because I want to experience pregnancy or I want to have a baby with the "umbilical cord still attached" like our home development worker says. I still feel sad that I haven't gotten pregnant. I still keep hope that God will bless me with a miracle pregnancy after we adopt. I want to be that urban legend.

Perhaps I am just upset to have missed the first 6 months of baby N's life. I know it is selfish. I am about to (hopefully) adopt a baby, and at the same time, hoping I will get a second call later (6 months to a year) for a newborn.

I haven't even got my first placement, but I am already getting an understanding of what secondary inferility feels like. I am in the process of getting a baby, but hoping he won't be the only baby I get to parent.