Not Giving Up, Just Stepping Back
I need to have more faith!
In less than one day, I put baby N in God's hands, then took it out of His hands and made MY own decision.
L was upset about my "revelation" last night. He's convinced that I'm falling victim to the "labeling theory." For the past month, with everyone expecting us to fail, expecting us to back out, expecting us to not be able to handle him, I began to believe them.
He may be right or I may be right. I'm just not sure yet. I just asked L to seriously think about the whole picture and not just the "I get a baby" part. He mentioned that he preferred a toddler. That's why I told him to pray on it too.
I cannot make a rash decision out of anger or heartache. It did help to voice all my thoughts and fears in the last post. Maybe I still haven't reached the right decision for us and baby N, but writing the truth down made me feel at peace.
I'm going to leave myself open to God's plan. I'm going to have faith that He will lead me to the right decision. I'm not afraid of the challenge of baby N, I just don't want to interfere with God's plan for baby N, but I am willing to step up for baby N if he is God's calling for me.
It's out of my hands. I wash my hands of it. I wait, listen, and pray...
In less than one day, I put baby N in God's hands, then took it out of His hands and made MY own decision.
L was upset about my "revelation" last night. He's convinced that I'm falling victim to the "labeling theory." For the past month, with everyone expecting us to fail, expecting us to back out, expecting us to not be able to handle him, I began to believe them.
He may be right or I may be right. I'm just not sure yet. I just asked L to seriously think about the whole picture and not just the "I get a baby" part. He mentioned that he preferred a toddler. That's why I told him to pray on it too.
I cannot make a rash decision out of anger or heartache. It did help to voice all my thoughts and fears in the last post. Maybe I still haven't reached the right decision for us and baby N, but writing the truth down made me feel at peace.
I'm going to leave myself open to God's plan. I'm going to have faith that He will lead me to the right decision. I'm not afraid of the challenge of baby N, I just don't want to interfere with God's plan for baby N, but I am willing to step up for baby N if he is God's calling for me.
It's out of my hands. I wash my hands of it. I wait, listen, and pray...
posted by Lisa @ 5:27 AM
4 Comments:
At 7:46 AM,
Jo said…
Stupid computer, I posted a reply yesterday, but it is not here. I think there is something wrong...Sorry about that..
This is what I said yesterday:
I think what you are doing is just about the bravest and most selfless thing you could do. Releasing this baby's fate into God's will must be incredibly difficult, yet you did it. Just wanted to let you know I am praying for your heart to have peace about it, however it turns out.
At 7:54 AM,
Julie said…
"You give and take away, Lord Blessed be your Name" Those are the words singing in my head as I read your post today. I know you feel like a yo-yo! I know that feeling. I am feeling it right now as well with sweet Sugar Bean- all I know to do is what you are doing- PRAY- it makes no sense to me that the state does what they do- but dang it if they don't have the power- but I know the ONE who has more power then them and I have to trust HIM! He will make a way where there is no way. He is so much bigger than all of this. He has the whole picture in mind and dang it if we can see it- grrr... fostering is such a step of faith. I am scared, happy, sad all at the same time. All of this so that I may help save a child and learn to trust Him more. I am not even going to tell you to hang in there because you are already hanging- stand up- stand in there- and trust that God is who he says he is and He will make a way where there is no way. I am praying for you and baby N.
At 9:17 AM,
GLouise said…
I'm praying for you.
I know that surrendering these things to the Lord is very tough.
Sending you an e-hug.
Please keep me posted!
At 9:32 AM,
Jen said…
I wish I was there to give you a huge hug. This is so difficult for everyone involved, but I know your faith will carry you through this.
Thinking of you.
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