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You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Disagreements on Paths to Parenthood

Do you and your husbands have a lot of disagreement on where to go next on the path to parenthood?

How do ya'll come to a compromise? How long do you let him proceed with his plans before insisting on what you wanna do? Do you just let the RE decide and go with his professional opinion?

This is stressing me out not knowing what step to take next. I guess I'll wait for the consult and get a "professional" opinion.


  • At 7:12 AM, Blogger Stephanie said…

    ah yes. i have seen 3 REs now to try and help the mister and I figure out our "situation" when does it end....

    that is a tough situation though with you and your MR wanting to try different plans. is there someway to compromise? like 2 more IUIs then IVF?

    as for me and my MR. Well neither of us knows what to do right now, so there is no disagreement!

  • At 8:41 AM, Blogger M said…

    Sounds so familiar. MIke didn't want to do IVF for religious reasons. The dr. said IUI wasn't going to work, but MIke insisted we try. So, we did 2x. That's all my doctor would do. Then we had to switch dr's because of insurance and we went straight to IVF. This dr. was very blunt and said IUI was not going to work.
    If it hadn't been for Mike fighting the IVF in the first place, that would have been our first step. I did IUI just to pacify him and get him to agree to IVF...which he finally did.
    I would see what the dr. says. Then, compromise. He wants 3 IUIs, say you'll do 2. After all, my arguement was it's my body...and all of my time and energy running to all of these appts.

  • At 1:13 PM, Blogger Kitkat said…

    Our disagreement is so much about what to do... hubby is pretty cool with whatever I want... but rather, how to pay for it. I'd have a second mortgage and be in the middle of an IVF cycle now, if I had my way.

  • At 2:13 PM, Anonymous said…

    Yellowboy wanted to try a few more IUIs and I wanted to go to IVF. We met with the RE, who told us that he didn't think another IUI would work for us and that we should go to IVF. When it came from the RE, he listened, and we did. We've been a little undecided about when to do IVF #2, but I knew he would rather wait, and since it was only a matter of a few months, I agreed.

    Down the road, though, I can see there being problems-- if, for ex, I want to keep trying IVF and he wants to avoid financial ruin!


  • At 2:43 PM, Blogger Ornery said…

    My husband and I also had some disagreements about a year ago, but it was for the opposite reason: I was starting to realize how involved these treatments were and wanted to take a break, whereas my husband (who is four years older than me) wanted a baby right away and was willing to do anything for it. Since it was my body, I felt I had the final say, so I didn't even try to listen to his opinion. He had no choice but to give in, but was terribly hurt by it. Now I see how insensitive I was and we've been a lot better about communicating our thoughts and fears. Plans change, people's perspectives change, and I think the key is for both people to try to be as open and honest in their communication as possible. Yes, definitely easier said than done, but I think it's the only way to ensure that there is no resentment on either person's part.

  • At 6:42 PM, Blogger Just another Jenny said…

    It's hard - we had our disagreements. Our options were IVF, Donor sperm or adoption. Hubbie actually wanted to DS because I think he felt guitly (our MF is vas-reversal) and wanted to give me the easier, less expensive route. I felt that he didn't understand how important it was to me to have a baby together.
    I think that in the end, all you can do is talk through it and try to come an agreement that you both feel is fair.

  • At 7:17 PM, Anonymous Lori said…

    J and I have pretty much been in agreement. Knowing that the IF process is more demanding on my body, he does respect my opinions on what I feel comfortable with for a plan. However, like many men, it took him a lot longer to realize we had a problem requiring medical intervention.
    I hope you reach agreement soon.

  • At 7:55 PM, Blogger Beth said…

    Fortunately Himself is very much, "whatever we need to do - we'll just follow the RE's rec". That could change on a dime though.
    I would wait to see what the doc says.

  • At 9:32 AM, Blogger Rach said…

    For us, I know that we have never proceeded with any treatment unless we both agreed that it was what we wanted to do. That has meant waiting on each of our parts at different times, but I guess it is all just a part of compromise. I am glad that we are both on the same page now...eager to adopt!

  • At 5:24 PM, Blogger Michelle said…

    Well our over all motto has been " we will try anything once...or twice.." After running the clomid gamet, we jumped right to the big gun and did 1 round of IVF and 2 rounds of FET; all failed. After that we both were in agreement that there wasnt more for us to do...I mean sure we could do IVF again, but there are no guarentees. We did not have insurance that paid for ANY of it, so we decided to skip the IUI and go straight to the one were we had the "greatest" chance....My hubby pretty much let me take the lead since it was my body.


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