Nice Distraction
Yesterday, we decided to take a drive to see my parents. We went to a home and garden show and met Robin there. We saw lots of nice stuff and did lots of daydreaming about really expensive stuff and how lovely they would look in our homes. I got some cards from contractors for work we'd like to do, but I doubt they will travel to my area to work.
Afterward, my mom fried chicken and we sat around the table and talked. Just had a nice time and I wasn't consumed with sadness all day for the first time in a long time.
I just found out we have a new addition to our family. L just found out from an ex from 12 years ago, yes, I said TWELVE YEARS AGO, that her 11 yr old son is his. It's a long story and her motives for bringing this out were evil. We've been fighting this 6 mos now and dna just showed he was L's boy.
How did I react? Shocked of course, but been adjusting to the possiblity over the last several months. Nothing I can do but adjust to having an 11 yr old stepson now. I'm not mad or hurt, I can't be, it happened long before we met. All we can do now is try to make the adjustment as easy as possible for the boy. I can't imagine how he's feeling now. I am angry at his mom for keeping him from L for 11 years, and then coming out of nowhere and telling him his dad he's known all his life is not his real dad.
Why all of a sudden? Her niece worked at our bank and snooped in our account and thought we were loaded(yeah right). Of course, she leaked this info to her and she saw dollar signs! I guess she thought now she could go for back child support and get thousands of dollars all at once.
It does kinda hurt that she was able to have his child and I could not. Please don't email me about this issue, just leave comments here. L and I share email and I'm not sure he'd want me writing about this, but I needed to get it out. I'm not gonna go on much more about this except mentioning him when he visits.
Our attorney is working things out where we pay expenses for him(private school, insurance, little things he needs) and shouldn't have to give any money directly to her because of some other issues that were uncovered while she chose to tear her family apart thinking she would get a little money!
Our home development worker was notified and everything is fine. He lives out of state and will only be visiting so it won't affect our adoption so that's good. I told L I was ok, as long as I could still be a stay at home mom when we get our next baby.
Please pray for the little guy that is isn't messed up by this discovery.
Afterward, my mom fried chicken and we sat around the table and talked. Just had a nice time and I wasn't consumed with sadness all day for the first time in a long time.
I just found out we have a new addition to our family. L just found out from an ex from 12 years ago, yes, I said TWELVE YEARS AGO, that her 11 yr old son is his. It's a long story and her motives for bringing this out were evil. We've been fighting this 6 mos now and dna just showed he was L's boy.
How did I react? Shocked of course, but been adjusting to the possiblity over the last several months. Nothing I can do but adjust to having an 11 yr old stepson now. I'm not mad or hurt, I can't be, it happened long before we met. All we can do now is try to make the adjustment as easy as possible for the boy. I can't imagine how he's feeling now. I am angry at his mom for keeping him from L for 11 years, and then coming out of nowhere and telling him his dad he's known all his life is not his real dad.
Why all of a sudden? Her niece worked at our bank and snooped in our account and thought we were loaded(yeah right). Of course, she leaked this info to her and she saw dollar signs! I guess she thought now she could go for back child support and get thousands of dollars all at once.
It does kinda hurt that she was able to have his child and I could not. Please don't email me about this issue, just leave comments here. L and I share email and I'm not sure he'd want me writing about this, but I needed to get it out. I'm not gonna go on much more about this except mentioning him when he visits.
Our attorney is working things out where we pay expenses for him(private school, insurance, little things he needs) and shouldn't have to give any money directly to her because of some other issues that were uncovered while she chose to tear her family apart thinking she would get a little money!
Our home development worker was notified and everything is fine. He lives out of state and will only be visiting so it won't affect our adoption so that's good. I told L I was ok, as long as I could still be a stay at home mom when we get our next baby.
Please pray for the little guy that is isn't messed up by this discovery.
posted by Lisa @ 9:18 AM
23 Comments:
At 1:13 PM,
Megamom said…
Man you are on one big rollar coaster and that was some loopdeloop!!! I love your attitude though, its hard no matter how you cut it but I applaud you guys for stepping up to the plate. Hopefully in the process, you wont get slammed, its not like he "knew". Prayers again!
At 1:22 PM,
DrSpouse said…
Wow. That's something big - must be hard to make the mental adjustment, especially for L. I hope I have already posted to say how sorry I was about Princess, but anyway just to say I have been praying for you.
At 2:49 PM,
Anonymous said…
I'm sorry, but did you say that the ex was twelve when she had L's son? Or was it an ex from twelve years ago? I'm confused. lol
You have the greatest attitude of anyone that I know. You remind me of those punching bags that are weighted on the bottom. You take hits, and just keep on upright. You must bring sunshine into the lives of everyone who has the pleasure of calling you friend. :)
At 3:43 PM,
Nique said…
Wow this was a shock to read she must have been young when she had the son.
Isn't that illegal what the niece did? Thats very sad if she has only come out about it now if it is for money, I mean how do people like that live with themselves?
Praying that you guys learn how to include L's son into your life and that God will help you will all that is going on with your life.
At 3:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
Wow. I barely know what to say. What a shock that must have been... And how awful for that lady to lie all these years. It's so sad, what people will do for money. Poor boy!
Hopefully one day soon your life will settle down. You deserve it!
Julie
At 5:04 PM,
Angel said…
Oh my word... What a month. It's like a movie. You sweet, strong woman. I think you are dealing with all of this so beautifully. I am sorry for all the struggle and confusion your family is going through. What a bizarre situation for you. Angel
At 8:01 PM,
GLouise said…
Oh sweetie- what a month you have had! I cannot believe it- it is such a rollercoaster for you guys.
You sound really calm about it on your blog...Feel free to vent to us any time. I am sure you and L are going through the full range of emotions.
I am glad you had a fun weekend with Robin and your mom! Sending a big hug,
At 3:17 AM,
queen said…
Wow. As far as I know, the mother owes the father back child support in a case where she hid the paternity. So she may have opened a can of worms here.
You do have an amazing attitude. You're a great role model and the child is lucky to have you in his life.
At 4:43 AM,
Anonymous said…
1- Report the niece, what she did was against policy and she should be fired.
2-pooooor poooor baby! I feel for you because i know the mind leads you to you not being able to have a having a baby, and this twat did. Please dont let it get you down she obviouslly is a evil doer!!!
At 6:07 AM,
Lisa said…
We will probably sue the bank for whatever we lose, plus legal fees. The problem is we have no proof and she no longer works their. It would be our word against hers. I think we'll get away with only paying expenses on his behalf, but nothing directly to her.
Isabel,
He could collect back child support? Please explain in my other email address lhotard79@hotmail.com. We're not gonna do that, but will give us more ammunition.
Worst case scenario, L can charge her with statutory rape. Hopefully it won't come to that though.
At 6:20 AM,
Lisa said…
Anonymous,
Oops! 12 years old was a serious typo!! I meant 12 yrs AGO. L was 16, she was 18 at the time.
At 7:24 AM,
sourpatchbaby said…
Wow. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. And the poor boy, being lied to his whole life by his mother. This is not fair on L, you, or the boy. Not fair at all. As to the niece that worked at the bank, isn't that a crimial act? I would call the distric attorney's office to see if I could press charges if I were you. Even though she might not be working at your bank, she's done something evil and should pay. Can the mother sue for back child support when it's evident that L wasn't even aware of the existence of the child? Especially if someone else thought they were the boy's father, wasn't that man paying support? Can she collect double support?
At 7:34 AM,
No Longer In Crisis said…
In some states, a woman cannot get child support from another man (even if he is the biological father) IF she lied and told another man that HE was the father and HE raised the child as his own. I don't think this woman has a leg to stand on. Damn her for being evil - just damn.
OK, something really, really, really, really GOOD needs to happen to ya'll. Enough is enough!! That next court date for Smilye had better be flippin' awesome or I'm gonna come down there myself and kick some judge booty!!!
At 8:59 AM,
Lisa said…
She is married to the guy who though he was the father since well before the boy was born, still is married to him, so no child support was collected because he raised him. The hubby raised the boy all this time thinking it was his!
That's why it's so evil. Her husband and son thought for almost 12 years that her husband was the father. It's just so wrong to mess him up like that. This was brought to his attention months ago, but he didn't fight to see him because he didn't want to confuse him and hoped she'd continue to let her hubby be the father. Stepson finally called L when he heard his parents fighting and since then he started contact. We just officially got the DNA results Friday.
At 11:44 AM,
Anonymous said…
L--
Oh man! When it rains it pours, huh? I agree with what a previous poster said... you just keep taking all these knocks and going strong...
About the child support, I found this from the state website:
"Under Louisiana law, a father of a child born outside of marriage is not responsible for child support payments until paternity has been established."
http://www.dss.state.la.us/departments/ofs/Support_Enforcement_Services_P.html
I don't know if that means only required to pay support from the date paternity is established forward, or if it can be retroactive, but it seems to me if he's been denied contact with the boy for 12 years, she shouldn't be able to collect.... esp as the husband was providing support during that time (even if not official, he was providing custodial support for the boy for 12 years, so it does seem like it would be double dipping for her to get more now!).
And, I agree that you should report the b!tch who violated privacy and banking laws by looking at your account, and then SHARING that information with a 3rd party. Let her worry about saying she didn't do it.... the facts seem clear enough to me... why else would she suddenly clear up the lie she's lived with for 12 years? At least see if the DA would take up the cause!
Hugs to you!
Yellowgirl
At 11:53 AM,
Anonymous said…
Jimminey Crickets! Blogger cut off my link... let me try again...
http://www.dss.state.la.us/departments/ofs/
Support_Enforcement_Services_P.html
YG
At 1:16 PM,
Lisa said…
Thanks YG,
I'm gonna have to get L's attorney to look into this. He is suggesting us pay for private school and insurance, but that sounds high if child support is just based on his salary he has now.
At 3:49 PM,
Anonymous said…
Wow...Big News. I am just catching up on my blog reading and WOW!
It has been a whirlwind month for you. It sounds like you are coping ok. What a bunch of evil, greedy people and that poor child, and father..
I will be praying for the little guy. It is such a hard age for him to learn this. Although, I can't imagine this being easy at any age.
At 7:35 PM,
Anonymous said…
I don't think I have commented before but had to on this. Almost identical thing happened to a friend of mine. Only difference is I think the man the mom of kid was living with knew it was not his son. Son did not know. Then those parents got divorced and she came to my friends husband trying to get support. The son was 9 at the time I think. She did not get any back support and I think got only the basic support based on his current salary (which I think is 25% and insurance)Still a good chunk I know, especially if it is coming as a surprise, but it may be less than most private schools per month. I would check into that. I would also check into seeing if the money can be put into a trust or fund for the child if the other dad is still going to be supporting- figure out something so it does not go to her. Also, in my friends case her husband said he would be happy to pay for his son, but he wanted a relationship and regular visitation as well as a name change to his last name. He gave up on the name change at the hearing and said it was okay the child would know he was his son and he could decide when and if he wanted to have the name. I think he did after a year or two. He did get visitation and they went through a whole process of getting to know the child and then starting regualre visitation (child even lived in another state). I am just putting this all out there so you can see that L does have some bargaining chips. I think that what she did will look pretty low and sleazy to a court.
At 5:27 AM,
sourpatchbaby said…
I just want to let you know of something that happened to a friend of my family. He didn't know that the woman was pregnant and the woman's new boyfriend (he knew it wasn't his) was raising the boy, claiming him on his tax returns and everything. The woman later tried to collect child support from bio dad and the judge ordered the boyfriend (who wanted the mom to get the support and said it in court) to pay half of the required child support until the child reaches legal age (bio dad is paying half of child support). Judge told the boyfriend that if he can make money off of a child by claiming him on the tax returns, he can support the child also.
At 11:47 AM,
Lisa said…
I'm not crazy about the private school either, but an incident happened as a result of mom's lifestyle and she was not sending him to school. I do think she should be required to pay some of the tuition. My college education wasn't that expensive!
At 1:42 PM,
sourpatchbaby said…
If you guys are going to be paying child support, then you guys have to build a relationship with the Little Guy. Make them put down on the documents visitations and such. It's not fair to either you guys or the Little Guy that there is no relationship to date. I agree with aa, get name change, the whole works. If L can be the father in paying for Little Guy's support, he can be the father in getting his last name changed and have him for visits. Also, I would suggest that the lawyer requests mandatory counseling for all parties involved. Request that it comes out of the mother's pocket since she's the one that created this whole mess.
At 6:11 AM,
GLouise said…
I think you are getting some good advice, maybe push your attorney a bit harder.
I wonder if you could sue this woman for punitive damages for keeping L's son from him all these years?
The whole thing is so sad, most of all for this young boy who must be so confused right now.
And the person who brought up taxes brought up a VERY good point! Can you and L deduct him as a dependent now? And what about all those years that this woman and her husband have been taking that childcare tax exemption? I think that you guys have more bargaining chips than your attney may realize.
I would also push for visits. It is not fair for you guys to have to be writing a check and have no contact. You can make some demands of your own.
Wishing you all the best!!!
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