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You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Baby N's mom showed up to the visit with his grandparents. She changed his clothes, so I guess she didn't like how I dressed him, but I did make effort to have him dressed nice. Court date is July 26, and judge will decide whether or not he remains in custody(I was hoping that would be the date to determine whether or not he would terminate rights).

A male co-worker asks how long we were TTC before adopting(although I'm not sure why I allowed myself to get into this conversation). When I said 2 years, he said I jumped the gun and it wasn't that long. He then proceeded to tell me his wife was driving him crazy during the whole 4 months it took them to get pregnant, and how she was mad that she got pg for the second one 10 days off BCP! That's really what I wanted to hear this morning.

I guess when you're adopting, Infertility is stamped in bright red on your forehead. I'm more open now than 2 years ago. What I thought was private, is no longer private when you suffer infertility. Even your sex life becomes casual conversation because you're discussing trying to create babies.

I feel like a previously infertile pg woman. I want to get excited, but fear and guilt keep me from being beaming happy. I am afraid that baby N will be returned home. I feel guilty and like I'm stealing him from his mommy. I wonder when he will really feel like he's mine(although he's not legally). I feel guilty praying we get to keep him. I feel funny when people ask me about my son, because I so desperately wish he was now.

I guess all these feelings are normal, and as Julie said, part of what I signed up for.


  • At 10:45 AM, Blogger Me said…

    I think the parents changing his clothes is pretty typical. It could be that they liked too much how YOU dressed him, and felt bad it wasn't them doing it. The bios usually need to feel like a parent in some respect and they don't get many chances to do that with their kids in the system. I have had the clothes changing constantly.

  • At 11:01 AM, Blogger Julie said…

    I have never had the clothes changed- I don't think she has any clothes to put on her and I too, always dress her to the nines to her visits!! Today she is wearing a Ralph Lauren dress to her visit- (she says with a sheepish grin on her face) I want her mom to know she is very well taken care of and in a good place. She came in an oversized minnie mouse t-shirt for goodness sake! I digress- I TOTALLY understand your feelings- it is so hard to balance what you want and what the baby needs and what the bios can provide vs. what you can provide- it is all so hard to be objective! Just hold on to him with loose hands! God will handle the whole situation!!

  • At 11:20 AM, Blogger soralis said…

    I don't have any experience with what you are going through but I want to wish you the best.

    Take care

  • At 11:33 AM, Blogger Just another Jenny said…

    Today must have been hard for you to let him visit with his mom. How nice of you to dress him up like a super cutey.
    I think it is totally normal to have the fears you do. It will be hard until the paper work is done.

  • At 11:52 AM, Blogger Tamara said…

    Biomom changed Cookie's clothes at visit time too. She had bought an outfit for her, and I think she just wanted the experience and perhaps it made he feel more like a mom. I ain't gonna lie - it hurt my feelings since it was our favorite little outfit she was wearing. Ugh. Yeah - I guess it is pretty common. I'm sorry the weekend proved sleep-depriving - but sooo happy you got to be with him.

  • At 9:05 PM, Blogger Jo said…

    Normal, normal, normal! All of it normal. Your feelings, her changing his clothes, everything. And the hard feelings of needing to bond this sweet little one, but feeling bad about his mom not being there. And the truth is, no matter what, he will have THREE moms who love him. Lucky boy, most kids only get one. Acknowledge it, allow yourself to be one of his moms. It gets easier.

  • At 4:59 PM, Blogger Ornery said…

    Reading the comments you received, I think it's absolutely wonderful that you have this amazing support network of mothers who know what you are going through and know exactly what to say!

    Having read through some of your previous posts, it sounds like your maternal instincts have already kicked in. It's so lovely to hear that baby N is experiencing so much love from so many people.


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