It Just Felt Right
Yesterday, we let Smiley's sisters, mom and grandma visit with him a little while at their local mickey D's. His grandma called saying the girls missed him. It went really well, and much easier knowing I don't HAVE to let them visit,and it is at my descretion. I just don't want to piss off his bio family too much before the adoption is finalized. After that we'll probably cut back to visiting only near Christmas, if any. It's been over 3 months since TPR and it's the first time she's asked to see him. I expect them to fade out and move on though.
Smiley's bio mom was very appreciative, couldn't thank me enough. Bio grandma told me she dragged bio mom back to her mental health appointments(her kicking and screaming) and she is now on medication helping her control the outbursts she used to have. Bio mom still seemed more worried about her b/f holding Smiley, so still has major co-dependency issues. She also seemed to hang out with me and Bubbles more than Smiley. I know if my son were TPR'd and the adoptive parents let me visit again, I would hold him as much as possible.
Why did we do it? It just felt right, as my title says. We will probably eventually cut out all contact, because I'm not sure an open adoption will be a good idea, unless bio mom can pretend to be an aunt or something.
In other news, the worst thing that can happen if you live in South LA happened. Our A/C broke last night. The repairman came but can't get the part til tomorrow. We had to buy a window unit for the front room and all of us had to camp out in there. So*cial S*ervices would love that! Hopefully, we will be with a working A/C tomorrow.
Smiley's bio mom was very appreciative, couldn't thank me enough. Bio grandma told me she dragged bio mom back to her mental health appointments(her kicking and screaming) and she is now on medication helping her control the outbursts she used to have. Bio mom still seemed more worried about her b/f holding Smiley, so still has major co-dependency issues. She also seemed to hang out with me and Bubbles more than Smiley. I know if my son were TPR'd and the adoptive parents let me visit again, I would hold him as much as possible.
Why did we do it? It just felt right, as my title says. We will probably eventually cut out all contact, because I'm not sure an open adoption will be a good idea, unless bio mom can pretend to be an aunt or something.
In other news, the worst thing that can happen if you live in South LA happened. Our A/C broke last night. The repairman came but can't get the part til tomorrow. We had to buy a window unit for the front room and all of us had to camp out in there. So*cial S*ervices would love that! Hopefully, we will be with a working A/C tomorrow.
posted by Lisa @ 3:47 PM
4 Comments:
At 1:41 PM,
GLouise said…
I think the visit was a good thing to do as well.
Kudos to you! SO excited that this is really going to happen!!
At 9:51 AM,
Unknown said…
Hey there... I'm a birthmom in two open adoptions... Livi is 6 1/2, and Selah is 1 1/2...
With both girls, we don't discuss who I am around them... It's something they are no where near ready for yet.
Livi does know about adoption and that she was adopted... That's it... I'm a friend when I come over, and that's exactly what I am.
I know I am not her mother... I am not her aunt or cousin either, and for them to try and pull that off would hurt me... However, the one thing that rings VERY true is that I am a family friend.
Some birthmoms will respect boundries... Others (honestly) won't. It's up to you and your husband to decide what is best. However, please don't give this girl false hope if you plan to close the adoption once it's finalized. That's not fair to her.
Be open and honest. If you are willing to do a visit once a year, tell her that and lay out the rules. If she can't respect them, then say you won't do them at all.
What I recommend to adoptive parents in semi-open or semi-closed adoptions is that they send pictures at least two times a year. That way the pictures they get aren't a year out of date for those "once a year only" couples.
Always include pictures of the baby alone, with siblings, and with parents. It means a lot to the birthmom to see the baby alone, but it also means a lot to them to see the baby happy with their new family.
If you have any questions, you are welcome to ask me :)
At 6:09 PM,
Runergirl said…
I that it is always up to you. As long as it is not hurtful then I see no harm!
HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU IN A AWHILE, EVERYTHING OK?
At 12:11 PM,
Jodi said…
I just found your blog and I cannot tell you how much I can relate to what you are saying. We have 7 kids. 3 are adopted. We just got the younger two in July and now we are struggling with whether or not to let the bio parents be involved at all. It is so hard to know if it will be a good or bad thing for the kids.
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