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You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007


No, we are not under investigation, thank goodness, but I don't believe I covered this aspect of foster parenting.

There are several great things about adopting from foster care:

You get to parent while you wait to adopt.

It's a lot cheaper than private adoption.

You get to help children already born who need families.

One of the scary things about adopting from foster care is that your children are not "your kids."

You're foster kids, or their families and make false accusations against you leading to an investigation.

Best case scenario, they remove your kids, determine their creditability and return them when they determine it is a lie.

Worst case scenario, they remove all your children, place them in respite care, and launch an investigation on you. People you've worked with for years ignore you and don't return calls and you're left alone, terried! The worst don't get to visit your kids because they're not "your kids" and you have no right to them.

I chose to write about this today, because it's always been my biggest fear, so scary that I'm afraid to write about it.

Fear of allegations have severely altered my parenting and using my mommy common sense. With two medically needy babies, I ask their doctor's permission for almost everything normal mommies can figure out on their own. I made Smiley's first plastic surgeon put in writing it was ok for me to begin to try bottle feeding. I can use my "common sense" and if it is right, everything is ok, but if it is wrong, I'm in trouble for going against doctor's orders. Yes, it is a bit embarrassing asking doctor's permission for things I know is ok, but I have to protect myself.

I just can't wait until there both my kids and I can parent them without having to answer to anyone.

Ok, seriously, I no I am worrying way too much over something that may never happen, but now you have it, my biggest fear! Please don't change your mind about becoming foster/adopt parents. I wrote this only for you to keep in the back of your head and take steps to prevent false accusations:

1. Keep a notebook for each child and document everything.
2. If you have a teenage girl, do not leave her alone with hubby.
3. As soon as you see a bump, bruise, rash, etc., immediately document it in that handy little notebook in #1. Explain what happened and how you are fixing it. If you don't know, bring them in to the doctor.

For those of you foster parents, have you ever faced allegations? What happened? Does fear of allegations alter your parenting style? What steps do you take to prevent allegations?

After receiving your comments, I will compile a list of steps you can take to help protect yourself in the event of an investigation.


  • At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi We never faced allegations thank God. However when at a visit birth mom would say that's a nasty cough I would take him to the doctors even though I knew it was just a cold and would go away. Yes when he was in foster care we went to the doctors alot more than I did with my biological children and alot more than I do now that the adoption is final. I think being a foster parent is hard as an example I did not give my children pacifiers but birth mom thought it was important so we kept the pacifier until visits stopped to appease her. I think the fear of allegations changes the way you parent but remember God put those babies in your family right now and does give you maternal instincts for those babies. So do not ignore them.

  • At 11:09 AM, Blogger Amanda said…

    I know what you mean. I have the same (maybe irrational? don't know) fear of allegations and it definitely makes me questions my own common sense. It really upsets me that I let it bother me.

    But like everything else with fostering it's another complicated issue that we have to figure out a way to deal with. I tend to go the documentation route too.


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