You Know You Are Infertile If. . .
1. You're not even the slightest bit embarrassed to discuss you're period..anywhere, and you blog about it constantly.
2. You know having sex won't get you pregnant. You're past the point of even bothering to "prop up your hips afterward" or stay lying down for 15 minutes because you know it doesn't do one damn bit of good.
3. You lost count of the number of doctors you've had to stip naked for and sometimes these doctors see you naked more than your husband.
4. You pay these doctors to see you naked, lots of money, not covered by your insurance!
5. You're hubby encourages you to blog about your private life to take some of the whining away from him.
6. You have more blog friends than real friends because no one in the real world understands.
7. You have to obstain from sex when trying to get pregnant.
8. Your hubby judges your RE based on the type of "magazines" in the collection room.
9. You've traveled more than 4 hours one-way to see your RE.
10. You roll your eyes at someone when they suggest "aritical insemination." It's an IUI, dumbass!
11. If you had a nickel for everytime someone told you to "relax" or "just adopt", you'd have enough money for an unlimited number of IVF cycles.
12. You know that adopting will get you pregnant...seriously, it happened to by sister's grandmas' brother's friend's cousin's mother.
13. You start the adoption process while secretly hoping to pop up pregnant.
14. Homestudies don't sound as scary as they used to.
15. You want to hang friends who complain about their kids.
16. You're period is 2 weeks late and you pee on a stick, knowing damn well it will be negative.
17. You considered asking a pregnant woman to pee on a stick to see if they really work.
18. You are willing to give yourself shots, even though you're terrified of needles.
19. You started your own blog to bitch about infertility.
20. You put off buying new clothes because you're gonna get knocked up soon away.
21. You've bought a bridesmaid dress 2 sizes too big because you knew you'd be pregnant by the wedding. You have to pay to get the dress altered(At least you didn't gain the weight!)
22. When you hang out with pregnant women, you hope they sneeze on you and that it's contagious.
23. You come to learn that being a parent is more important than giving birth.
24. You slowly accept the fact that you may never get pregnant while keeping the fiath that you will be a mommy somehow.
25. You said, "To hell with getting pregnant. I'm gonna adopt!"
26. You know some I missed, and you are gonna leave them in my comments.
The foster parent list was fun, so I thought I'd do an infertile one. If you have any more foster parent tips, please leave them in the comments of my last post to help out people considering becoming foster parents. I write a lot about my foster kids, but I am still infertile and still not a "real mommy" yet.
I can't wait to read what you have to add.
2. You know having sex won't get you pregnant. You're past the point of even bothering to "prop up your hips afterward" or stay lying down for 15 minutes because you know it doesn't do one damn bit of good.
3. You lost count of the number of doctors you've had to stip naked for and sometimes these doctors see you naked more than your husband.
4. You pay these doctors to see you naked, lots of money, not covered by your insurance!
5. You're hubby encourages you to blog about your private life to take some of the whining away from him.
6. You have more blog friends than real friends because no one in the real world understands.
7. You have to obstain from sex when trying to get pregnant.
8. Your hubby judges your RE based on the type of "magazines" in the collection room.
9. You've traveled more than 4 hours one-way to see your RE.
10. You roll your eyes at someone when they suggest "aritical insemination." It's an IUI, dumbass!
11. If you had a nickel for everytime someone told you to "relax" or "just adopt", you'd have enough money for an unlimited number of IVF cycles.
12. You know that adopting will get you pregnant...seriously, it happened to by sister's grandmas' brother's friend's cousin's mother.
13. You start the adoption process while secretly hoping to pop up pregnant.
14. Homestudies don't sound as scary as they used to.
15. You want to hang friends who complain about their kids.
16. You're period is 2 weeks late and you pee on a stick, knowing damn well it will be negative.
17. You considered asking a pregnant woman to pee on a stick to see if they really work.
18. You are willing to give yourself shots, even though you're terrified of needles.
19. You started your own blog to bitch about infertility.
20. You put off buying new clothes because you're gonna get knocked up soon away.
21. You've bought a bridesmaid dress 2 sizes too big because you knew you'd be pregnant by the wedding. You have to pay to get the dress altered(At least you didn't gain the weight!)
22. When you hang out with pregnant women, you hope they sneeze on you and that it's contagious.
23. You come to learn that being a parent is more important than giving birth.
24. You slowly accept the fact that you may never get pregnant while keeping the fiath that you will be a mommy somehow.
25. You said, "To hell with getting pregnant. I'm gonna adopt!"
26. You know some I missed, and you are gonna leave them in my comments.
The foster parent list was fun, so I thought I'd do an infertile one. If you have any more foster parent tips, please leave them in the comments of my last post to help out people considering becoming foster parents. I write a lot about my foster kids, but I am still infertile and still not a "real mommy" yet.
I can't wait to read what you have to add.
Labels: Infertility
posted by Lisa @ 10:40 AM
7 Comments:
At 12:25 PM,
TeamWinks said…
You have no issues checking your cervical mucus and position, and describing to your girlfriends how and why they should too.
You can't actually remember the last time you purchased a condom.
You break down your life into two week increments.
One word: Decafe
Two words: Caffeine Free
At 1:56 PM,
BigP's Heather said…
your diet changes overnight from organic fruits/veggies to ice cream and vodka
when someone asks what day it is you reply "CD17"
At 2:55 PM,
Megamom said…
Any updates on smiley and princess?
At 11:21 AM,
Anonymous said…
You freely use the word "vagina" to your DH in front of your doctor when DH asks the difference between laproscopy and hysteroscopy...
You talk about your DH's sperm with women you've only just met
The thought of having a Day 3 transvag ultrasound no longer makes you blush
You kinda enjoy grossing out your mother with your needle collection
You become a "senior member" on IVF connections
When you don't get asked to disrobe from the waste down at the doc's office, you feel cheated
You freely nose through the cabinets in the examining room, to see if they have extra "cups" for your DH, just in case you are short-handed someday
You pilfer extra pantiliners from same examining room cabinets,figuring, what the heck, you paid for them
Yellowgirl
At 12:39 PM,
x said…
I loved "You've bought a bridesmaid dress 2 sizes too big because you knew you'd be pregnant by the wedding. You have to pay to get the dress altered" - I did that and had to get it altered 1 week after my negative IVF. I thought I was going to fall apart in the gown shop.
You know your infertile if a dildo without a camera on the end seems boring (oh, I am bad).
At 3:40 AM,
Happy Mama to Three said…
You learn to despise the terms "baby dust", "baby dancing", "are you ferning?"
Your loses outnumber your children. No one understands that except the people on your newsgroups.
Every positive is a baby in your heart, whether you ever got to the point of holding a little one in your arms.
If your doctor sees you at the mall he doesn't recognize you but if the took your pants off he'd know your by your "vay-jay-jay".
The word hysterectomy will cause a nervous breakdown.
Making the circumcisian descision is the least controversial part of you getting pregnant.
"Home birthing", "water birthing", "natural childbirth", etcetera are absolutely not a concern. All you care about is getting a baby here, anyway you have to. C-section, general anesthesia, whatever!!
Anyone you see who's leading around 4 or 5 children under the age of 10 makes you want to cry right there in the grocery store.
Good Lord I could go on and on, but your list sure brought me back. I can almost, ALMOST, say I am glad to have had a hysterectomy so I don't ever worry about trying to have another baby. That is an ALMOST cause I still get baby envy.
Cindi
At 5:59 PM,
Anonymous said…
You give away your basal thermometer to someone younger and probably more fertile. You can change the cat litter again without worry. You can drink as many coffees as you want. You stop taking your folic acid daily. You don't use condoms for safe sex "just in case this may be your last unlikely shot". (alternative to your "don't buy condoms cuz what's the point). You have a collection of little sperm vials in a ziploc like leftover change from a foreign country. You rant about why there are so many "baby books" and so few "adoption books". You start to think of your household chores that need doing when others discuss breastfeeding and doulahs.
Great thread. thanks. I am here via baggage.
And I am very interested in hearing about the actual life implications of Smiley's palate. (thinking of adopting minor special needs)
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