Lord, Show me the Way

Baby N's social worker called this morning. He has an appointment with a genetics doctor tomorrow and said we could come if his mom decides not to. I told her there's no way I could get out of work, but please forward the results to me.

Please pray for baby N that he doesn't have any genetic problems or mental problems. He has enough on his plate and doesn't need anymore bad news.

Foster mom found a nurse in our area interesed in working with baby N. Social worker wants her to train with his current nurse and then come over to train us on his equipment.

I said I was putting baby N in God's hands, so that includes me being open to the placement if it's in His will. The big question is, "how will I know?" I'm not good at reading signs, although L encouraging me not to give up on the placement is a sign, right?

When I wrote my doubting post, I know it was mostly out of anger and frustration. I thought if I just "gave up" the idea of baby N, I could somehow move on and feel better. It worked for a whole 2 hours, til L came home that night, and was disappointed, to say it lightly, about my decision. Maybe it was God's way of saying that I don't get to make the decision of whether or not to accept the placement and that He will.

I'm nervous about the genetic results...Will they find more wrong with him? Will we find out things that we may not be able to handle? Will the results make us re-think the placement? At least I was a "good girl" and waited for the state to make the next move. I will let them make the calls from now on, and trust that God will lead me to the right decision for both us and baby N.

God,
Please guide me. I want to do Your will. Please let me know soon, for sure, if you want me to step up and parent baby N. If it is not Your will, I put it in Your hands to make sure the placement will only happen if You approve.
Amen