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You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

The Worst things you can say

For all of you who know someone or have friends who are infertile, here is a list of things not to say and why they are hurtful for infertile friends to hear:

1. Be patient, it will happen--This is hard to hear when someone has been trying for several years. They will think, it's be 5 years, haven't I been patient enough. Another bad thing about this statement is that it may not happen.

2. Take a vacation and you'll show up pregnant--Again, this more than likely will not get us pregnant. Despite that fact, L and I do have an awesome vaction planned, because we need to "relax" and have some time together.

3. You can always adopt--This is one of the worst things you can tell people. Sure I'd like to adopt, but I don't have 20-30,000 dollars spare cash to pay childbirth expenses to a birthmom who may change her mind and keep the baby. Most of us probably don't want our life invaded by a homestudy either. We don't want to be investigated like we're criminals just to be able to have children.

And finally, don't EVER advise some to:

4. JUST RELAX--This is the absolute worst thing you can say. How the hell are you supposed to relax between charting, OPKs, fertility drugs that make you emotional, endless negative pg tests, and the phone calls from nurses starting with, "I'm sorry."

I know there's plenty more. Anyone else here any other ones? What's the worse ones you heard? I know I haven't heard them all.

3 Comments:

  • At 8:02 PM, Anonymous Arwen/Elizabeth said…

    Amen! The adoption one especially hits a chord with me, because my husband and I have finally reached a point where we feel good about adoption and would like to do it, but it's not like you can "just" do it. We don't have the resources right now, and it's sad for us, and it makes me furious when people act like adoption is the easy solution to infertility.

     
  • At 4:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Since you asked....
    The WORST that has ever been said to me is:
    Maybe this is God's way of saying that you shouldn't be a mother.

    How does one respond to that?

    -Rachael

     
  • At 8:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    my mom told me "why do you want to have kids anyway they are just a pain in the ass".

    Gee thanks I did realize i was such a pain in the ass mom!

     

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