Rough Times
L is spending the night in the hospital. He has mono, but also still having stomach sickness.
Dad is in the hospital for the second night with high potassium levels. They're having difficulty getting it down since he has no colon and only one kidney.
We got a call for a baby girl but L's coworker went behind our backs and took it before we got a chance to get in touch with the right people.
This sounds selfish, but desperately hoping for a newborn. I've sacrificied the pregnancy experience, but still long for a brand new baby. We've been getting no calls. I know a call means a child's in trouble, so I shouldn't really hope.
Bubbles and Princess' losses are really hitting me hard, especially since noone seems to call us for any children except ones they can't place with anyone else.
There are 4 positions to be filled in my school and my principal is giving me no signal either way about whether I will get one. I already work there, so it's not like I'm an outside person. So, I need some work with classroom management, but I focus my time on the children, and tend to skip most of the social networking. Not because I don't like my coworkers, but my time with my family is valuable and a 3 hour social at some place I don't even like to eat does not appeal to me when I have Smiley to come home to.
One of the teachers is pregnant and "uncomfortable." She says she'd have lots of babies if she could handle pregnancy. Another teacher suggests she get a surrogate. I wanted to punch the shit out of both of them.
It seems each new day at morning prayer is a pregnancy or birth announcement. Everyone's excited. I ask for prayers the anniversary of my baby's death...not much response.
Another teacher had a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She's taking next year off to be with her. I may not even be employed.
What is so wrong with us? They get TONS of babies into care and we get called for none, unless they are sick.
Ok, so I'm having a pity party,but I'm hurting so much inside. The losses are hitting me more and more, but I stay, because I want another.
Dad is in the hospital for the second night with high potassium levels. They're having difficulty getting it down since he has no colon and only one kidney.
We got a call for a baby girl but L's coworker went behind our backs and took it before we got a chance to get in touch with the right people.
This sounds selfish, but desperately hoping for a newborn. I've sacrificied the pregnancy experience, but still long for a brand new baby. We've been getting no calls. I know a call means a child's in trouble, so I shouldn't really hope.
Bubbles and Princess' losses are really hitting me hard, especially since noone seems to call us for any children except ones they can't place with anyone else.
There are 4 positions to be filled in my school and my principal is giving me no signal either way about whether I will get one. I already work there, so it's not like I'm an outside person. So, I need some work with classroom management, but I focus my time on the children, and tend to skip most of the social networking. Not because I don't like my coworkers, but my time with my family is valuable and a 3 hour social at some place I don't even like to eat does not appeal to me when I have Smiley to come home to.
One of the teachers is pregnant and "uncomfortable." She says she'd have lots of babies if she could handle pregnancy. Another teacher suggests she get a surrogate. I wanted to punch the shit out of both of them.
It seems each new day at morning prayer is a pregnancy or birth announcement. Everyone's excited. I ask for prayers the anniversary of my baby's death...not much response.
Another teacher had a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She's taking next year off to be with her. I may not even be employed.
What is so wrong with us? They get TONS of babies into care and we get called for none, unless they are sick.
Ok, so I'm having a pity party,but I'm hurting so much inside. The losses are hitting me more and more, but I stay, because I want another.
posted by Lisa @ 7:14 PM
7 Comments:
At 11:53 AM,
happyadoptingmom said…
((HUGS)) I am so sorry. I know your baby will come to you. We waited over 2 years for our first newborn and just about 2 years for the next two toddlers. It is hard to wait. I pray for peace for you and health for your family
At 12:07 PM,
Queen of the House said…
I'm so sorry. I really am. I'll be saying prayers for you. (((((HUGS)))))
At 4:54 PM,
Amanda said…
Oh, L. hang in there. I hope you get your newborn soon. Hugs.
At 4:57 PM,
KrazyMom said…
The pain you are feeling is so absolutely real and it is hard to be around people who don't understand that! You are such a special person to do the things you do with work and fostering and being a great mommy! Don't let the negative energies around you make you think otherwise! I can relate to the pain of hearing about birth announcements, mothers complaining of their pregnancies, and such. I lost my second and third babies seven years ago and my arms are still aching for another newborn!
((Hugs))
At 10:04 AM,
Courtney said…
((HUGS)) I am sorry things seem down ... sending positive vibes your way.
At 2:21 PM,
TeamWinks said…
The waiting game isn't much fun. I'm sorry this has been such a bumpy ride. I hope you hold a little one in your arms soon.
At 10:08 PM,
JUST A MOM said…
I hope all is well soon!!!!!!!
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