One Year in Heaven

Please stop by thePalace. Wed, Feb. 13 will make one year our little one went to heaven. It's gonna be a rough week for everyone.

People just don't understand, I mean, in the real world.

My prayers go out to everyone who has lost children.

It just doesn't seem fair to have someone so precious, then have to say goodbye after only a short time. Most of our time spent with her was in the NICU, dragging a cranky 13 mo old and taking turns visiting, one at a time. We bring her home and about 3 short weeks later got the call she was no longer breathing. We spend hours holding her and saying goodbye. Then the worker makes arrangements to take her body to be buried with her family.

We were her family. We were the ones holding her hand while she looked desperately at us to get her out of there.

She was a VERY demanding baby. Maybe God sensed she was too much for us. Sometimes I feel like a failure. Sometimes I wonder if she was trying to tell us something. If only I'd known that before she got on that helicopter would be the last time I'd see her alive, I could have kissed her one more time. I just thought I'd see her again in a couple hours and we'd be in for another VERY LONG hospital stay.

Sometimes it seems the more I love someone, the more likely they are to be taken away, Princess, Bubbles, the baby girl I was so close to getting. I know God has given me the strength to survive but I've almost reached my limit.

I am posting early because Wed is going to be a very long day for me. I have school, faculty meeting, then a night class that I absolutely cannot miss.

I guess I'll make it through somehow. I have to.