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You Could Always Adopt. . .

Adopted 3 boys out of foster care, then got pregnant for my beautiful daughter, now currently pregnant again with twins.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I'm Gonna Lose Another Baby Girl

Bubbles' parents are working their caseplans. I know she's not my baby and I'm supposed to be happy for them, but at the same time, I don't know if I can handle the loss again. With Scooter, I was confident he was going to a stable, safe environment. I am not with Bubbles. It's out of my hands and I have to keep her in God's hands. I really do want what is best for her and her to be safe, loved and well-cared for.

I know there will be other babies that need me and it's not about me, it's about the kids. I am gonna try and take my mom's advice and love her and enjoy her while I have her. She will be almost a year old if she goes home at the next court hearing, so I will get all the fun baby months with her, but doesn't seem fair to our parents. I wish court hearings were more frequent for babies going for reunification so the time away from their parents wouldn't be so long. I know the system is not perfect and I just have to deal with it.

I just ask ya'll to be hear for me when it's time to say goodbye. People say not to get attached, but that's impossible. If I didn't get attached, I wouldn't be doing my job.

Gonna keep reminding myself that God is in control.

15 Comments:

  • At 11:08 AM, Blogger Tamara said…

    I would argue that attatchment isn't a choice, or something you can turn off and on like a light switch. Bathing, feeding, holding, and comforting a baby does something to you that you can't avoid. I'm sorry it looks like she's just with you temporarily, but I am happy for any mother and father who get their life back on track - it's such a weird place God has put us in this role.

    I know an adoptive family here who asked for babies to be sent to a different foster-only home if after 30 days it was clear they were eventually going home. While on one hand that seems harsh, they think it helped them in the long run, and they only had to do it twice. The cabinet and social workers didn't care, and couldn't prevent them from doing it - we all have choice.

    My guess is that's not an option in your mind, and that you'll keep loving her as long as she's there. We will mourn with you if and when she goes home, and give you all the support we can.

     
  • At 11:15 AM, Blogger Julie said…

    I am here- i understand- IT SUCKS! but it happens- sadly- all the time. Hang in there!! Hugss!

     
  • At 11:52 AM, Blogger mom to three great kids said…

    Stay strong..i can only imagine how hard this all must be on you but i'm sure God has a plan and you having Bubbles for any amount of time is part of that plan. Sending good thoughts your way.

     
  • At 12:24 PM, Blogger GLouise said…

    It is a strange position to be in. Praying for God's grace to sustain you, and for his perfect plan to unfold in Bubbles' life.

     
  • At 1:29 PM, Blogger TeamWinks said…

    I'm here too, and always willing to listen.

     
  • At 1:53 PM, Blogger toastnjam said…

    I'm praying for you.

     
  • At 2:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Remember God brought her to you for a reason...msybe to help you heal the loss of Princess, maybe to get her through these onths when she so badly needs a safe loving environment. And keep in mind, she isn't leaving until they come to get her. The birth family still have plenty of time to screw up. I was told for 2.5 years that my daughter was leaving. Four years later she is still with me and she's finally mine!!!!

     
  • At 6:41 PM, Blogger Amanda said…

    I'm here and listening and thinking of you.

    I am surprised they would push the hearing so far back... here they pretty much do them every month, it seems like.

     
  • At 8:14 PM, Blogger happyadoptingmom said…

    I am sorry :( I pray if they are going to give her back they do it as soon as possible. It is so hard for little ones to have to move and re bond. I know God has a plan for your family. (((Hugs))) enjoy being a mommy to bubbles every day.

     
  • At 9:00 PM, Blogger Robin said…

    Give it time, no matter what we and yes I mean you and I will get through it. I am always here to support you and listen.

     
  • At 6:55 AM, Blogger Overwhelmed! said…

    Oh, I'm sorry that you may be loosing Bubbles. I know I'll be just like you...getting attached even when I'm told not to. How can you NOT get attached to a sweet child.

    We will offer support and listen to your heart's outpourings if and when she goes back to her biological parents.

     
  • At 8:51 AM, Blogger JUST A MOM said…

    OH MAN you are so right about giving them all of them your all. I am not sure if I have shared this before. But if I did I will again just for the conformation it is all for the good. We had a little boy named Michael, he was our 3rd child 14 months I think when he came. He had been left in his crib for the whole time waiting for his older brother then 3 to bring him a bottle. When he came to us they had to soak his bottom in a sits bath to loosen his foreskin, it was THAT infected. So he had never really had the MOMMY touching. I held him every moment he was awake and some times when he slept. He stayed with us for almost 2 years,,, he went home to his mom with 5 other siblings. Last May I got an invite to a graduation at the high school a few towns over. It was MY Michael. He has grown into a lovely young man, very tender and has told us of stories he remember so fondly during his stay with us. He is the ONLY high school graduate in his family. He tells me thank you for giving him the love he needed to get him started in a good life. That my dear is THE REASON we do/did foster care.... to give the mommy less a mommy to remember!!!! Hang onto your heart and remember my essay.


    A foster parents roller coaster ride.
    They come into my home frail and broken. They are afraid of every quick movement and flinch when I reach to brush their brow. The tears well up in my eyes and I have to blink them away. Some are going through withdrawals from their mothers addictions. They cry all night they cry all day. I rock them and hold then and sing to them quietly, praying their pain will go away. When they quiet down I wipe their tears away only to feel my own have started to fall down my face. Somehow I make it through these hard times and after these first trials, I notice that when I look in their eyes someone is looking back at me. I teach them touch is good and closeness is nice. It's OK to love and be loved back. I try to keep them well, and nurse them when they're sick.I clean their messes, wipe their faces and pick them up when they fall. I watch them learn to crawl, then walk, and learn to call me mommy.I tuck them into bed and pray for the best in their lives. I have been on a fast-moving emotional roller-coaster ride up one hill and down two valleys. Just when I think it's time to end the ride, they add more tracks, then comes the bumpy finish. Hang on for the finale! I pack up their things, never to forget their favorite toy. I make sure I have every last shirt and sock. The tears seem to sneak up on me when they're wanted the least. I brush then away hoping nobody sees. That final hour is coming up fast and I know the best thing for everyone is for me to hold back my tears. The worker shows up and I think my life is ending. I kiss them good-bye, praying God's will be done. My arms are handing them over,, my heart is sucking them back. They drive away and I let my tears fall. I think I will drowned in my own tears. A day or so later I dry my eyes and notice a hole has been burned through my heart. I still use too many noodles and set too many places at the dinner table. I look behind me to finish my count, only to be reminded there's one less of us now. Why do I do this I ask myself, Then I remember what they were like way back then. I think the pain in my heart could never go away. Why do I do this I ask myself again. The phone rings. There's a worker on the other end, "We have another one." ,,,,,,,,,, "Bring him on in."


    Know my heart feels for you and that GOD IS in charge. (((HUGS)))

     
  • At 9:48 AM, Blogger Amanda said…

    Thanks for sharing this, Just a Mom. It means a lot to hear that we're making a difference even if sometimes it feels like we aren't.

     
  • At 9:57 AM, Blogger Mixed Up Me said…

    I'm here for you, always!!! Enjoy your time and make memories . . . Children gain their sense of trust within the first two years of life, if they don't have a loving person taking care of them that they can trust, they often times do not ever gain a true sense of trust . . .use this opportunity God has given you to help Bubbles gain her sense of trust in her first year, so she can be successful in life! You are a great Mom, always remember that!!

    Thinking and Praying for you and your family,

    Ryan

     
  • At 6:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    God is in control:)

     

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