You Could Always Adopt. . .

They Have Arrived

2011-12-26T15:20:00.001-08:00

The boys arrived on December 10 at 8:00 amd 8:01 pm via c-section. Alex weighed in at 5lbs 5 oz and Cameron at 5lbs 10 oz. They were born at 35 weeks 3 days gestation and taken to the NICU after I got a quick. Ok, I'll start the birth story and see how far I get and will continue later if needed, so here goes:

I was fighting this MISERABLE cold for about a week and a half, complete with fever, cough, congestion, but not quite high enough to call my OB. Halfway through the week, Larry caught it too and we were both miserable and non-functioning so my my took all 3 of the kids(yes, she is a saint) on Friday night and was going to return them Saturday evening. At around noon on Saturday, still feeling crappy and not feeling as much baby movement, so put in a call to the hospital and the nurse said to come in to be checked out.

After grabbing my suitcase(just in case) and picking up the house, we started the 2 hour drive to the hospital. When we arrived we waited forever and finally got called back where the triage nurse tried to quickly clear a room for me. This was around 4pm. The boys looked good on the monitor and the on call doctor wrote me some prescriptions and was about to start IV fluids for an hour and send me home. Well,I started contracting. The nurse calls doctor back to let him know and see if she can check me. I was 50% effaced and 2 cm dialated. Since I was contracting, I was transferred upstairs to L&D for the night for monitoring. Doctor was pretty sure we weren't delivering that night, but started having strong contractions about 2-3 minutes apart.

The doctor comes back saying we're having babies tonight and signed the consent for the c-section. I was quickly pumped with IV fluids and wheeled into the OR about an hour later. Things happened VERY quickly. Larry agreed to have my mom be there with us, but was kinda upset my doctor wasn't on call. Anyway, my doctor calls the hospital asking if they are delivering "his" twins tonight and told them to call when I was getting my epidural and he was coming to deliver them. He was hosting his staff Christmas party at his house and left to take care of my babies and me saying "if you're driving 2 hours to see me, I wasn't going to miss the birth."

After the epidural, I was a bit shaky from nerves but didn't even notice when he started cutting me. Before I knew it, Alex was here, followed by Cameron a minute later. They held up each baby for me to get a quick peak at before taking them to a room over to be worked on. After I was stitched up, I was taken outside and got to quickly hold both babies and then they were taken to the NICU and me to recovery.

I had some complications with toxemia after the birth and it got scary for a while. The nurse politely escorted my visitors out to try to get my heart rate down so she wouldn't have to put me on some kind of medicine(magnesium maybe?) because she said it would make me feel awful. After a few hours, I stablized and was brought to a room where I was so thirsty I drank til I threw up(sorry if TMI) and continued drinking for most of the night.

Sometime the next afternoon I made my way to the NICU for the first time to see my boys. They needed breathing assistance, but no vents, thank God. About a week later they were moved from the NICU to special care nursery and now we are waiting on them to eat and grow before we can bring them home. It's very possible Alex will be finally coming home tomorrow and Cameron shouldn't be far behind as soon as he starts eating better.

Oh yeah, doctors did bloodwork and they are identical!

Sorry for the long abscense,but hope these pictures will make up for it:

Cameron left, Alex Right

Mommy, daddy and twin boys.

House Full

2011-10-04T12:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, I really intended on blogging more frequently, but the kids have been keeping me hopping.

The pregnancy is going well, 26 weeks tomorrow and the boys are looking good other than some fluid in both their kidneys. This generally goes away, and if not, it's easily treatable after birth. Still exhausted, but if I can get a short "catch-up" nap in the morning, I can usually make it through the day. The boys are moving like crazy and feel like they are running out of room, but still have 11 more weeks to go.

Kyleigh is officially walking. Now when you put her on the floor, she is beginning to prefer to walk rather than crawl. Of course, she is into everything.

Also, it looks like a may be getting a personal care attendant for a few hours a day to help with Nick. I hate asking for help, but I'm at the point it's going physically difficult to care for him with the lifting, dressing, and bathing, especially as he tries to wrestle me while doing these things.

Well, just wanted to give a quick update on the crew. Kyleigh is currently destroying my living room, so have to run for now.

Half way

2011-08-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

19 weeks today and since the latest the doctors are letting me go is 37 weeks, I am just a little over half way through. Wow! Kyleigh is now over a year old and there are 2 more baby boys due to arrive late December. Things are going a little better. Nick has started school and John will on Thursday, so I generally get an hour nap in the morning which helps tremendously since I still haven't been sleeping too well at night.

Nick is becoming more of a challenge as he's made a couple escapes out of his new bed in the middle of the night, scaring the mess out of me, so everytime I wake, I listen for him to make sure I don't hear him up.

My daughter is absolutely amazing. I still can't believe how blessed I have been. She is starting to take her first few steps and is always so happy. And I'm gonna brag, because as of now, she's still a momma's girl, so gonna enjoy the time left before she becomes daddy's girl. She is attempting to press the keys on my laptop as I type this. I love being home with these babies.

Oh yeah, how can I forget, the boys now have names:

Alex Resse and Cameron Jacob.

The boys

2011-08-03T11:41:00.000-07:00

16 week ultrasound pics of the boys. Doctor said the latest I will go is 37 weeks, so it looks like they will be here around Dec. 21.

17 weeks pregnant

Baby B, 16 weeks

Baby A, 16 weeks

Defiance

2011-08-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

Well, had another issue with the teenager last night, with some broken stuff and a hole in the wall all because he didn't get his way. I ended up having to apologize and pretend I was wrong, and kiss his ass so he'd quit throwing things and breaking my stuff. This went on half the night and of course he is sleeping peacefully while I'm running after kids, sleep deprived. Why didn't we call the police? Because they do NOTHING. As a minor child, he has more rights than us and all the will do is bring him in a couple hours then we HAVE to pick him up and bring him back to our home. He's figured out he can do anything he wants and doesn't have to face any consequences. Fine. He wants to play that game, then he better not ask for any more extras, because all I HAVE to provide him is clothing, food and shelter.

16 week Ultrasound

2011-07-28T05:02:00.000-07:00

Well, we saw the high risk doctor the first time yesterday and he told us that he will not let me go past 37 weeks. It looks like we are going to have Christmas babies!

Also, we found out the genders: we are having 2 boys! Poor Kyleigh is going to be outnumbered but she gets to keep her status as the only princess in the house.

Getting better

2011-07-18T09:37:00.000-07:00

While last week was a bit rough with the headaches and exhaustion, I'm slowly starting to feel more human again. Over the initial shock(which is a blessing of course) of not only being pregnant again, but learning I was carrying twins has died down, the insomnia has decreased which has given me a couple nights of wonderful sleep.

Now that the surprise has passed, the reality is hitting us. There will be two newborns in this house late December/early January. It will definitely be an adjustment, and now we're trying to make a game plan for a toddler, 2 newborns, a special needs child and another 4 year old who will also need mommy and daddy's attention too. I have decided to admit: I'm going to need help, and that is ok.

I have begun the homework on researching/reading all I can on twin pregnancies and parenting twins and found some very common sense/helpful advice. I know we're going to do fine and I'm praying they will be good babies like Kyleigh.

Well, was planning to document a little more of the pregnancy process today but my baby is giggling at me and my 4 yr old wants a new movie in since it's raining and he's going stir crazy. Will try to come back soon.

Wiped

2011-07-11T12:12:00.000-07:00

Apparantly, the second trimester energy burst doesn't come back with twins. Either that,or the exhaustion is still hanging around. The 3 little ones on the other hand, have unlimited amounts of energy, especially Nick, who will literally "hang from the ceiling fan" if I put him in his bed a couple minutes so I can do a few chores. The whole time I try not to resent the teenager sleeping all day and sitting on his ass in the front room the few hours he's not sleeping. Asking for help is from him is like asking for extra attitude, which I do not have the energy to deal with, so I try to stay out of his way. And then there's the days Kody likes to wind the little ones up even more before retreating the the quietness of his room!

Kyleigh's first birthday was Saturday at my mom's. She will be one tomorrow. I can't believe a year has gone by already. The party was really nice, but haven't had the energy to take the pictures off the camera yet, so hopefully can add pictures soon.

I know it should get better soon. Still so much nicer than the years before while we waited so long for our children. Please pray for some energy to come my way soon.

Teenage Troubles

2011-07-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

I'm hormonal and have had to take way too much verbal abuse from my son today,and noone can do anything about his behavior, so please no bashing my thoughts as I have to get this out:

Let's just say, Kody's determined to be as defiant as possible, thinking in his little mind that he can get "kicked out" to go live with his mom. Thanks a lot, lady for contacting him behind my back at Youth Challenge Program, telling him you were ready to take care of him and making many other promises you know you damn well can't keep! That's ok, you and your children don't have to deal with the consequences of his his behavior as a result of your "promises" I am saddened that you are so insecure of yourself that you have to call my son, feed him a guilt trip so he will say, "I love you" and you will feel better about abandoning him into foster care. If you really cared about his future, you would encourage him to join the military where he will have a secure job and the structure he needs to function, rather than promising him "the world" if he moves back up there.

Crazy Dreams

2011-07-06T11:19:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm 13 weeks today, one trimester down, two to go. The last few nights I've been dreaming that I'm having triplets and waking up terrified. I keep waking and telling myself,"it's just two, it's just two." It sounds funny saying that there's only two babies. I never in a millon years imagined I'd get pregnant, then get pregnant again, then find out I'm expecting twins.

As exciting as it is, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I'm not so worried about adjusting to life with 2 newborns, an 18 month old, a 5 yr. old that is still developmentally a baby and a 4 yr. old. I know it is going to be rough for a while but I'm praying they will be good babies like Kyleigh, and I can get them into a sleeping routine in a couple months.

I do worry a bit about the medical aspect of twins. Two babies automatically puts the pregnancy high risk and I try not to even think about how we'd survive if I were to be put on bedrest. I cannot work with Nick and Larry has to, so praying everything runs smoothly like with Kyleigh. I'm also terrified of the babies arriving suddenly and not having time to get to my hospital, which is two hours away. The local hospital here is not equipped to handle twins.

I still feel crazy saying the word "twins" referring to myself. Although, I did have that "gut feeling", I'm not sure what caused it. I think it started after my 8 week appointment and they hadn't done an ultrasound yet, so I didn't have that confirmation that there was one baby. At 9 1/2 weeks, I thought I was hearing 2 heartbeats, but was in the wrong location and was hearing my own post. At 10 1/2 weeks, I definitely picked up a baby's heartbeat. It wasn't until a week later I was consistently finding heartbeats in different locastions, even marking both spots so I could go back and forth with the doppler probe to verify. Still,as I went in for my 12 week appointment, I was sure my doctor would offer a logical explanation that didn't include twins. It just seemed so unlikely that it would actually happen to me so when the doctor offered the NT ultrasound, I accepted, so I could see my babies.

As soon as the tech put the wand to my belly I saw both babies, but was still in disbelief, waiting for her to say out loud, "there's two babies." That wasn't mentioned until she was focusing in on one baby and Larry said, "Well at least there's just one in there" and she replied, "actually, there's two." I thought he was going to pass out from shock. I'd been warning him that I thought I heard two heartbeats, but he apparantly thought I was wrong. Anyway, just sat and watched in happy disbelief as she finished.

As for the family announcement, I had fun with my mom and sister and sent them the u/s pic on their phones showing both babies, then a picture of each individual baby. It was fun watching them trying to figure it out then saying, "yes, there are two babies."

So far, I've been spared the morning sickness, but I am much more exhausteed and irritible, and other than sitting home and caring for my kids, I don't have to energy to go anywhere or do anything else. Next Saturday is Kyleigh's first birthday party, so I'm hoping for a burst of energy, at least for that day.

Well, gotta run for now. The kids are into everything. Will try to keep updated as much as possible.

12 week ultrasound

2011-06-30T13:42:00.001-07:00

It's Twins!!!!

Heartbeats?

2011-06-27T13:41:00.000-07:00

Warning, picture of flabby belly is posted at the bottom of this post, mainly because I need your opinion. I was playing with my doppler(you know it's gonna be bad when I start my sentence with these words) yesterday and I found the baby's heartbeat in two, separate locations, about 3-4" apart. I kept going back and forth to these two spots and found the heartbeats both places each time. Today I decided to mark these spots with a permanant marker so I could experiment better and the same thing, heartbeat at the spot marked X, no sound while I pushed the probe across my belly, then when I reached the next X, heard the heartbeat again. Since I haven't had an ultrasound confirming there is only one baby, makes me wonder if there's two? Of course, there are likely other logical explanations(echo? pulse from placenta?)and there is probably just one, but of course, got me thinking crazy thoughts. So, my 12 week appointment is Thursday so I will act like a crazy lady and see if he can check to be sure there is only one, and maybe each explain the second heartbeat. Both are definitely MUCH too fast to be my heartbeat, because although I pick up my pulse a lot too, this is not it. The second picture is an 11 week belly shot that's not so close up.

11 weeks

2011-06-24T07:53:00.000-07:00

11w3d today and and I'm really gonna attempt to blog more this pregnancy because looking back for Kyleigh, I didn't write as much as I should have.

It seems I am making my way near the end of the first trimester already. Main symptom is exhausting and no morning sickness thank goodness. I do get queasy/dizzy when I'm hungry but it's not too bad and I'm really lucky. I am loving my dopppler and being able to check the heartbeat every couple days is so nice. Pregnancy tends to pass slowly, but is going much quicker as I am enjoying watching Kyleigh grow and reach milestones. Right now she's pulling up and cruising around furniture. You can tell there's times she thinks about letting go, but not quite yet. I can't believe I will have a toddler very soon. Last month, all her teeth decided to come out at once, poor baby. She now has 6 teeth out and they all seemed to pop out within a week.

Mom is taking Nick and John this weekend, and since Kyleigh ususlly goes down for a morning nap after breakfast, it looks like I will be able to sleep in tomorrow for the first time in years!

I will try to update again soon.

Wow

2011-06-18T08:10:00.000-07:00

Well, L's parents came by yesterday. They noticed the dog was spayed and had the nerve to tell my husband, "Well, now that you got your dog fixed, you need to get your wife fixed." A bit rude huh? Especially coming from my kids' grandparents! L told me he ought to have another just to piss them off. I told him it was a nice thought, but I'm done after this baby, if everything goes well.

In other words, played with my doppler yesterday at 10w3d and heard my own pulse but in the background I hard a fast "thump, thump, thump" reading in the 160s on the monitor, so it looks like we have a baby's heartbeat!

This pregnancy has made me so much more tired than the last, so I'm trying to deal with that while chasing 3 kids. I'm managing, but I just don't have the energy to do much, and diaper change/wrestling matches with Nick are leaving me walking away breathless. I do praise God I have been again blessed with the absence of morning sickness, other than occasional queasiness, kinda like the feeling you get when you are really hungry.

I guess now I'll leave you with a picture of my beautiful daughter. You can see her cute little teath coming out too.

Doppler confusion

2011-06-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm one day shy of nine weeks and I was playing with my doppler this morning. I definitely faintly heard the heartbeat on both sides of my belly. The monitor showed readings ranging from 125-135, a couple times spiking to 140. So, if there are any nurses reading, can my pulse really be that high resting. I will admit, I get a little anxious before getting the doppler out, but I took my pulse before and after and it was about 105.

Anyway, since I was baffled finding readings on both sides of my belly, and I highly doubt it's twins, I looked up pulse points and here is the diagram I found. Now I'm confused as to whether or not I found the baby, or my pulse on the femoral artery. Not getting an early u/s this pregnancy is making me crazy. I just what to be able to say for sure there's a heartbeat. I know, I know, it's too early likely.

First Prenatal Visit

2011-06-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

My first doctor appointment was yesterday. I'm 8 weeks today. He didn't do an ultrasound, so didn't get to hear the heartbeat, so I'm a bit disappointed. I was hoping to leave feeling relieved, hearing a beating heart, but I'm just gonna have to have faith the my baby is healthy and growing normally.

I have been playing around with my doppler a couple times a week. I know it's early, but I don't wanna miss the chance when I finally hear the heartbeat. I did pick up a reading of 135 for a few seconds before it slowed down and found my own pulse, so it may/may not have been the baby.

I thought I'd worry less this time, but it's pretty much the same as with Kyleigh. I'm still shocked(in a good way of course) that I was able to get pregnant, not once, but twice and it's still hard to believe it's really happening.

Anyway, at least I have 3 little ones to chase to keep me distracted as I wait. I will try to update here as much as possible. Oh, and I spilled the beans on f@cebook a couple weeks ago because Larry couldn't wait any longer.

Here We Go Again

2011-05-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, everyone on f@cebook is sworn to secrecy for a couple weeks. As my few loyal readers still following, I will reward you by sharing the news first here:

Took HPT Saturday and it was positive. 2 nice dark lines! My intention was to just post the picture, but I took it with my phone and can't seem to make it travel from my phone to my computer without first posting on f@cebook.

So, I cautiously say it looks like we are pregnant again. 5 weeks and first blood draw tomorrow to confirm.

Please pray for another easy, healthy, uneventful pregnancy.

Palace

2011-05-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

Please drop by the palace. I have a bit of a private post over there.

Glasses

2011-04-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

Took John to the eye doctor today and his right eye is pretty bad. Ordering some glasses and if it doesn't improve he may need surgery. Poor little guy. No wonder he's been standing so close to the TV.

Helpless

2011-04-12T17:08:00.000-07:00

If I had to describe in one word how it feels to raise a severely special needs child, it can often be summed up in one word...helpless.

Most everything is out of my control and it is something I just have to accept. Growing up I would always strive for perfection. Go to school, make good grades, no problem! Not that is was always easy, but with the right amount of hard work and discipline, it was something I could accomplish. I had control.

With Nick, nothing is in my control. No matter how hard I work with him or how many doctors we see, it's still basically the same: he's undiagnosed. Yes, we know the names and numbers of the affected genes but it is meaningless when your child has a one-of-a-kind genetic abnormaltiy. We ask the sames questions over and over to several specialists and are met with the same response: we don't know.

It's heartbreaking to watch your son scream and him not be able to tell you what's wrong, and him not being able to understand what mommy is saying when she's rocking him is desperate attempt to settle him down. It's terrifying that I cannot warn my son when something is dangerous, because he just can't comprehend what I am saying to him.

And this leads me to the next word....failure. I'm his mommy. I'm supposed to be able to tell him that I love him and he understand. Feeling like I'm trying and trying, with no results. Please don't interpret this the wrong way. I am not disappointed in his lack of abilities, or that he will be a baby forever. I honestly am not. I have known this for some time, and I accept and love him just the way he is.

I get discouraged with myself a lot of the time....me....not him. I sometimes feel like I'm failing him. It's very humbling how the simple things most parents take for granted are anything but simple:
-changing a diaper
-dressing your child
-bathing your child
-keeping clothes on your child(trying to keep him from constantly stipping naked)
-feeding your child

I'm supposed to be an intelligent woman: completed college, passed the CPA, almost completed teaching certification, but I am no match for a determined 5 year old that has decided having a diaper changed is not his thing! That's just the simple, day-to-day tasks, and I would give ANYTHING to be able to accomplish those with ease...without getting elbowed in the eye numorous times in diaper change attempts. I never expected it to be easy, and I am definitely NOT a saint for adopting a special needs child. I need him as much as he needs me.

If I had one wish, it would be simple. I'd wish to be able to communicate with my son. I know I do in very simple ways: hugs, singing, caring for him, but I want to be able to have a real conversation with him. I don't care if it's just one word sentences, I'd take anything. I want to know if something hurt him, or he's not feeling well.

I'm just gonna have to hang in there and keep trying and hopefully he will know that I am doing everything I can to help him.

Open Adoption

2011-03-28T10:29:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share this photo of John and his siblings visiting at the park yesterday....beautiful!

RSV

2011-03-18T14:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't stopped by in a while. Kyleigh has been fighting RSV for about 2 weeks now so lots of coughing and breathing treatments. It wasn't bad enough to be hospitalized, but mommy is very tired.

We met with a medical supply company and are attemtping to get approved for a sleep s@fe bed and a bath chair. Please pray for approval, as Nick really needs this.

Hope to update again soon.

Birth Story

2011-02-09T10:45:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about this last night and realized I never posted a birth story. Since it's been almost 7 months, better write it down before I start forgetting the details. Some details may be TMI, but you're warned because I don't really want to edit the story. Let's see how much Kyleigh is gonna let me write:

July 12, 2010

My alarm goes of at around 2:30 am, although I really didn't need it. Who could sleep anyway? I was going to meet my daughter today. I quickly get dressed and wait on L who drags himself up. I woke up with killer hearburn, but nothing I could do about it: I wasn't allowed to eat or drink since around 7pm the night before.

We arrive at the hospital around 3:15 a.m., and they escort me back. L had to wait outside until everything was set up and he wasn't too thrilled about it, but he didn't miss much, just me changing into the hospital gown, answering questions and getting the IV/pitocin started.

As I got into the hospital bed I looked to my left and saw the little table/area ready for the baby later. I smiled as it sunk in....there's actually gonna be a baby in there later today, my baby. I told the nurse about my birth plan which was simple: do whatever you have to do to get Kyleigh out safely and healthy and I'd like to be in as little pain as possible, so definitely want the epidural. The nurse checked me, was at 2cm, brought me the consent form for the epidural to sign and told me I could have it as soon as I needed. She started the pitocin and L was allowed to come in.

I don't remember much between 4 and 7:30 am but nurse coming in to check on my and trying to rest a bit. At around 7:30 am, Dr. P came in to break my water. I was quite nervous about this pain wise and it kinda sucked: lots of cramping followed by a but of liquid coming out, sorry gross. Immediately after felt some intense cramping and opted for the epidural before it got too bad. I was gonna get in anyway, might as well get it over with and be comfortable.

Of all the scary things about giving birth, I was most afraid of having the epidural placed. I hate needles, especially big ones that go in my spine. Being more terrified of having to push a baby out with no pain meds, I sucked it up. The nurse gave me some IV meds that were supposed to keep my blood pressure from dropping too low for about 30 minutes, then the anasthesiologist, came in the place the epidural. It was not fun, but not as bad as I thought, but the worst part of the day. I didn't pass out and the nurse helped hold me still. I felt almost immediate relief and my legs, which had been aching the last few weeks were numb, so I could finally get comfortable and rest.

The epidural(or labor, not sure which) caused some nausea and itching, so once they gave me meds for both, I was comfortable and really sleepy. It is now around 8 am and my mom has arrived, soon followed by my MIL and FIL. My dad worked half day and came in around noon since I told him he wouldn't really be missing anything.

For the next few hours I slept, sort of. I could hear faint conversations of the people in the room. Kyleigh was not liking the contractions, so they had to do some closer internal monitoring on her heartbeat, and later, my contractions. I didn't feel anything, and I can honestly say I was not too worried. I was at an excellent hospital and they knew my only birth plan request was: get her out safely, and I really didn't care what method they had to use. In my sleepy state, I nearly said, "Cut her out if you have to, just keep her safe."

The next few hours were uneventful. I rested, I was checked every couple hours and dilating and progressing well. Around 2:30 p.m., the nurse checked me and I was 10 cm. Time to push.

Pushing had always scared me and I was afraid this is where it was going to start to hurt...a lot. I was also praying they wouldn't have to turn the epidural down so I could feel pushing sensation. She showed me how to push and although I didn't feel like I was doing anything, it waas working. Thank goodness. I was able to push and didn't feel anything.

I was amazed at how much the nurse did here. Doctor wasn't called in until I was a few pushes away from Kyleigh coming. 3:13 pm, out she comes. Didn't even know she was here until they held her up. I remember saying, "Wait I can't see her" and they held her up again.

Here's where things kinda didn't go as planned. I had this picture that she'd be placed on my belly and we could start breastfeeding. She decided she wanted some help breathing so they took her over to the table working on her. I was a little concerned as I'm balancing between turning my head to see her and feeling the pressure(not pain) of Dr. P stitching me up and teaching another doctor how it's done. I heard him mention 3rd degree tearing...ouch...I'm really going to be hurting later.

Normally, watching them work on her would have freaked me out but I took comfort in one thing: If they are still working on her in the room and not rushed her off to special care nursey or the NICU, she must be doing fairly well. After about 15-20, L carried her too me. He still to this day teases me that he got to hold her first. I start crying(no surprise there) and still in disbelief that she's mine and L goes to bring the family in. About 10-15 relatives.

The nurse gives me pain meds and I didn't have enough hands so my mom asks, "you want me to take her" I nodded yes and I could tell she was excited. Then realizing I was EXTREMELY thirsty, I let Kyleigh get passed around while I kept drinking and asking for more water.

Then it's time to drain my bladder. Never thought I would have done this, but I let everyone stay but kicked the men out since I was gonna be half naked. Kyleigh was getting her first bath at the same time which kinda sucked, so my lady relatives were over there taking pictures and I'm lying in bed half naked and missing some of her first bath. There's no modesty in giving birth that's for sure.

My guests had to go back to the waiting room as Kyleigh and I would be going our separate ways for a while. They wanted to take her to the nursery a while and monitor her breathing. Again, wasn't too worried and knew she was in good hands.

After a couple hours of relaxing, I was just about to ask someone for a phone number to the nursery so I could call to check on Kyleigh and a nurse is rolling her in. The numbness has worn off and in walks another nurse to drain my bladder. I shook my head and said, "Ok, I'm going to the bathroom now, I promise."

My sister brings me McDonald's later. I think L went to my mom's to check on the kids. I made my first attempts at breastfeeding then did something I never imagined. I asked them to take her to the nursery so we could rest a little but to bring her back to me when she needed to eat so I could breastfeed. 2 hours later, she was brought back, fed her(attempted to), then sent her back for another quick nap then another 2 hours she is rolled back in crying. It's nearly morning by then so kept her with me.

The next day I had a lactation nurse come in to help with with breastfeeding since I really had no idea what I was doing. Later that not, she was developing jaundice, so we had to supplement with formula(I know I could have fought harder, but gonna do what's best for her first). After realizing it came out faster in the bottle, she didn't work hard at the breast anymore. That's ok, I just had to pump my milk and give it to her in a bottle. I pumped for about 6 weeks(actually keeping ahead of her and had a nice freezer stash of milk. I weaned for the next 3-4 weeks and then continued formula/breastmilk until my freezer supply was gone, making it almost 3 months total. Not too bad consdering I had to do double the work and there were times where I was literally pummping milk for her while giving her a bottle of expressed milk at the same time. There were a few times she'd take the breast, but never enough to get full.

The recovering was rough. I'd often be so busy at the hospital and forget to take my pain meds, or so eshausted I didn't ask for them because they would make me sleep and I was trying to take care of all of Kyleigh's needs. About 3 weeks later, I was feeling a good bit better.

Wow, that was a bit longer than I expected, but at least the day is documented now. I have an awesome almost 7 month old daughter who played quietly for about 30 minutes so I could type this.

Oh yeah, some other good news. After years of asking for newborn pics of Nick, his biological mom finally posted some newborn pics of him on here mysp@ce page! Take a look:

Rolling

2011-02-07T11:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was browsing through old posts and I found one where I listed about 7 of Princess' personality quirks. It put a smile on my face to read them because I'd forgotton some. So now, I'm gonna try to document more on my kids so I'll have some memories to read later.

Well, we had two "snow days" although it didn't really snow, but in South Louisiana if they think snow is coming, everything shuts down. L was also off those two days, so the 5 of us had 4 days off together and now L realizes that caring for 3 small children is a lot of work. While it was nice to have the bonding time, school gives me a little break time and one on one time with Kyleigh.

The boys returned today and I was so exhausted Kyleigh and I took about a 3 hour nap. Now I'm good and refreshed to start the rat race when the boys get home. At my house, from about 3-9 is non-stop hectic. Nick and John get off the bus, then it's an assembly line of baths, tube feeding for Nick, struggling to get Nick bathed, diapered and dressed while John is literally under my feet non-stop talking. Very different from me as a kid, because I used to like to entertain myself in my room with my toys. By the time baths are done, L is arriving home and time to get supper prepared. During that time there is two baby feedings(bottle and baby food), then we eat, clean the kitchen and what's next...time for Nick's final tube feeding, followed by another diaper change(changing Nick is a challenge as he escapes and runs away from me). Later it's a final goodnight bottle for Kyleigh, then tuck John in and if I get all that done by 8, L and I have a little quiet time until about 9 when I'm ready to pass out. Love it though.

Kyleigh is finally tolerating being on the floor and is starting to roll all over the place, so hopefully soon she will start sitting and crawling. She can sit for a couple minutes, but I have to put her into a sitting position cause she can't get there on her own yet. She just now fell asleep on the floor as I put her down to play. She is also at the age where when she realizes I'm not in the room, she gets pissed. John is doing better potty training and we're getting more dry days. Yesterday I put a Christmas H*rshey bar on the table and told him that was his treat he could have that evening if he stayed dry all day...he did.

Not a lot new for Nick. I caught him on video the other day singing a new song, "wheels on the bus" where I could clearly here him saying "round and round." I'll attempt to upload the video, but not sure if it will work. If you follow me on f@cebook, I posted it there a couple days ago. Well, gonna run and enjoy a bit of quiet for the next hour I have off.

Update:

Tried to load the video, waited 20 minutes and nothing so sorry :(

Squealing

2011-02-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

Kyleigh is definitely a little Princess and she knows how to get what she wants..now! She recently started saying "Da Da" but soon replaced it with saying "Ma Ma" because she knows when she calls Mama, she will get a bottle or diaper quicker. She once was in her exersaucer whining ah ma ma ma. Well,daddy picked her up and she starts crying louder saying "Ma ma ma." I know she'll probably grow to be a daddy's girl but I'm secretly enjoying the fact that she needs mommy now. I've waited so long for this, and it's such a great feeling. She has recently learned that high pitched squealing will get one of us at her service quickly.

She is a really good baby and although I had to wait 6 long years, the pregnancy and birth were relatively easy(although recovering was a bit rough). She started sleeping all night(I'm probably gonna pay for bragging about this tonight) at around 2 months old and probably earlier if I didn't wake her for bottles when she was a newborn. I know there's no such thing as perfection, but she's pretty close in my eyes.

John loves being a big brother. When Kyleigh was younger, and I was breastfeeding, I'd leave a bottle on the counter so it could get to room temperature for her next feeding. Well, when she would start crying, John went to get the bottle and brought it to his sister in her swing and began feeding her. He is also helpful in informing me of dirty diapers..i.e. "Nick stinks" or "Sissy stinks" followed by "Go change him."

The boys have been home the last two days for "snow" days, because when icy weather/snow is predicted in South Louisiana, everything shuts down. Been enjoying the bonding time though.

I am feeling tremendously better today and determined to stop and enjoy every moment of my children and if I never have anymore, I am still blessed more than I can ever imagine.

Speaking of blessings....the Princess is crying now for mommy.

The Other Side

2011-02-02T12:21:00.000-08:00

6 years ago when I began the infertility journey, I often wondered if I would ever make it to the other side...the side where I had children. I just knew that having children would erase the pain of infertility. I was wrong.

After all we've been through: infertility, surgeries, IUIs, other treatments, foster care, burying Princess, more foster care, 3 adoptions and finally pregnancy, I found out that infertility still haunts me. Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed to have my 4 children and couldn't be happier, but knowing my next pregnancy could be another 6 years away(if ever) still kinda makes me sad.

We started TTC as soon as my period returned after having my daughter. I am ashmaed to say that I stopped breastfeeding(even though she was only taking expressed breastmilk from a bottle)after only 2 months so we could start TTC again. I mean, the first 18 months after birth are supposed to be your most fertile time, could we really afford to waste these fertile months? Of course not. Now, feeling bad about quitting breastfeeding so soon, becuase it was stupid, because the chances of us getting pregnant again are slim to none. To try to resolve some of the guilt, I'm making my own baby food for her, and this time I'm getting the purree to work perfectly!

I have almost convinced myself not to get my hopes up this time TTC, as if the pain will be any less when it doesn't work. My family feels complete after my daughter was born, but being pregnant made me realize how much I was missing out. I replay the day of my daughter's birth over and over in my head and smile at how huge of a miracle she was.

Smiley is growing like crazy and becoming more of a challenge. His body is growing, but his brain is not. Imagine a baby just learning to walk, into EVERYTTHING, don't understand what "no" means yet, and no sense of danger. Well, that's Smiley, in a 5 year old body, except he will not likely grow past it. Little everyday tasks are a physical struggle for me: he rolls and escapes and runs around the room naked as I run after him with a diaper, begging him to let me dress him. In the tub, he likes to stand up and dive head first into the water. Yes, I try to hold him, but he's slippery when wet, so when mommy grabs for the soap, Smiley goes to town acting like a fish. He's a handful, but the most lovable of my children and definitely the most happy.

K is having some behavioral issues so is in Youth Challenge Program ran by the National Guard, where he will attempt to get his GED and learn some adult reponsiblities.

J is still working on potty training. I know boys are difficult, but he's almost 4 1/2 years old. He's in underwear most of the day and can some days go without accidents, but still diapers at night. One step at a time.

That's about all that's going on. Is anyone still hanging around here?

Catching Up

2011-01-25T17:56:00.000-08:00

I've been a bad blogger lately and I'm really going to try to start writing again, but here's what's going on:

1. J's adoption was finalized on 11/8/10, and his name is now Jonathan Joseph.

2. Smiley's little brother came into foster care. Biological family asked us to take him until grandma could get approved to have him.

3. E, Smiley's little brother, had an accident(and I really can't say more), that resulted in us being investigated. Very stressful, but we're getting through it and everything should be fine as we hired a good attorney because I will NOT put my other children at risk. Thankfully, we have a good relationship with Smiley and E's biological family that they are taking our side.

4. We officially closed our foster home. E was going to be the last anyway and I cannot take the stress anymore. We have 4 legal children now and will not have anymore through adoption from foster care.

5. We are TTC # 2. I don't expect to be sucessful and we will not pursue fertility treatments(though I haven't ruled out clomid). I loved being pregnant and as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, pregnancy was an experience I really would have missed out on if we only adopted. I enjoyed the experience, and it was such a blessing that I'd love if it were in God's plan to bless us with another pregnancy. It took 6 years the first time, so when/if I get pregnant again, K will be moved out and the others will be older.

Well for now, I'll leave you with a couple pictures.

Photo Shoot

2010-09-05T12:59:00.001-07:00

My aunt took these yesterday

Just Some Pictures

2010-09-02T15:21:00.000-07:00

one month

2010-08-12T15:27:00.001-07:00

Kyleigh Elizabeth

2010-07-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

Born 7/12/10 at 3:13 P.M. 7 lbs 4 oz, 20 3/4" long. It's been a long week but we're all home now and healthy and couldn't be more happy. So worth the 6 year wait!

Induction

2010-07-06T14:57:00.000-07:00

Doctor is inducing Mon, July 12, if baby girl doesn't decide to come sooner. Almost 2cm dilated, 50-60% effaced! I can't believe I'm having a baby in the next week.

Complications

2010-06-27T15:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm gonna sit down and make myself blog.

Baby girl is doing great. I will be 37 weeks Tuesday. I switched back to my old doctor in a bigger city that works out of a much better hospital. It is 2 hours away, but he said he would induce at 39 weeks, so it would be planned and we could make arrangements for the boys easier.

No clue when J's adoption will be finalized or a timeline on when it may happen. His brother's adoptive mom said her friend saw his bio parents in the store and mom is pg and about to pop(just got out of jail last June). She will take the baby if it comes into care and happy for her if she does. She has been through much longer waiting than we have.

We had Smiley's feeding tube re-inserted June 2. About an hour into surgery, surgeon comes out saying "we have a problem with Smiley." Being 33 weeks pg at the time I manageed to stay calm until I learned it wasn't life threatening. Due to scar tissue, when he tried to puncture the hole to put the feeding button the stomach/esophogus got a hole punctured through them. This required immediate repair, along with a 9 day hospital stay, 3 of those days being in the PICU. He had a chest tube, central line for nutrition(couldn't eat for 7 days while stomach healed) and restraints of course so he couldn't pull anything out. My baby shower occured during the middle of this hospital stay also.

We are doing a little better now and tolerating the pediasure well, up to 5 cans a day. He threw up an entire can this morning, but it was the first and only incident so far and hoping to continue to do well and put on weight.

K failed the state required LEAP test, so had to attend summer school, even though we got his grades up to C's and higher, which is great for him.

Now I am home anxiously waiting for baby girl to arrive and enjoying being home with my kids. Will try to write/blog more as I have time.

36 week pic

Left Out

2010-05-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

Well, Smiley's teacher called and very carefully worded the conversation pretty much asking me not to send him to school for 2 field trips they will be taking because he has a broken leg(will explain later) and worried about being able to watch and keep him safe, as well as looking after 60 other preschoolers. Ok, I know he's difficult, but you're admitting you're taking these field trips and don't have adequate staff to supervise him but you have adequate staff to supervise 60 other 4 yr olds. Yes, I could be a b*tch and send him anyway since they can't legally discriminate, but concerned for his safety. I guess at least they were honest and didn't let him get hurt from lack of supervision.

Anyway, back to the leg. I dropped him off at school Friday morning, he was walking fine, nothing hurting around 7:30am. I am in the middle of my ultrasound, and I get a call saying they took him out of his chair, he tried to stand and was crying with a hurt leg. Of course, they swear nothing happened there. I know he's difficult, fast and unknowingly a danger to himself, but be honest with me! If you didn't see what happened, tell me. I'm the one having to explain to the orthopedic doctor that noone can explain how his leg broke.

So yesterday was family team conference for J, so I let almost every worker in the office know what happened with Smiley in case someone filed a report on us. Our worker said not to worry, but I'm not so good at not worrying.

I told his teacher I may just keep him home the rest of the school year(about 6 more days), and I can tell she's worried because she said, "Please don't think we don't want him. He's welcome to come all the other days." Of course, I worry if they're short staffed for field trips, will he have adaquate supervision on the other school days, especially since many teachers are taking off the last few days leaving less people to watch him?

I know I'm just probably being hormonal, but just about in tears for him. About to call father in law and see if he's off work and can help me get all his things this afternoon.

Baby girl - 27 week 4d ultrasound

2010-04-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

Stressed

2010-04-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I failed the one hour glucose test, so took the 3 hour test yesterday. I did better than I thought starving for 4 hours in the morning. Hopefully, will get results today and nothing to worry about.

I finally get home and there's a message on my home phone from the sheriff's officer that works for the school board...great. Considering K and Smiley are the only ones in school, K must have done something. She didn't feel the need to call either of our cell phones (3 numbers between the two of us), so since it was about time to get the boys anyway(and had they actually arrested him, they would have called our cell phones) I decide to wait and ask K if there is something I should know, then I drop him off at counseling.

In the meantime, both my in-laws call my and L's cell phone to say someone in the sheriff's department is looking for me(like I needed the extra stress). I told L to call and deal with it and of course he gets her voice mail. What the hell gave her the right to call my in-laws looking for me when she hadn't even ATTEMPTED to try our cell phones? They are already nosy as it is and don't think much of K. The reason I listed 3 cell phone numbers because I have 3 adopted kids, all with some kind of needs and am pregnant, so I'm at the doctor or therapist nearly every day!

I'm also a bit ticked that the principal did not call first if there was a problem. I remember when I taught there, I was expected to communicate with the parents before going above there heads.

Genetic results

2010-04-08T07:05:00.000-07:00

Skip over if you don't want a boring genetics lesson, but been meaning to copy the technicalities on Smiley's genetic report for a while, and since it's really been bothering me a lot lately today is the day if anyone is bored or very curious or wants to research: After the results, I have updated more on his progress developmentally.

All abnormalities are on chromosome 15:

a 2 copy gain(4 total copies instead of normal 2) of 424 oligonucleotide probes from 15q11.2-q13.3 estimated 9.5Mb in size followed by a single gain(3 total copies) of the next 53 oligonucleotide probes from 15Qq13.2q13.3, estimated 1.5 Mb in size

syndromes in this region of the gene: Angelman Class I, Angelman class II, Oculocutaneous albinism 2 (OCA2), Prader Willi (PWS) class I and class II

OMIM genes in affected region: POTEB, TUBGCP5, CYFIP1, NIPA2, NIPA1, MKRN3, MAGEL2, NDN, PWRN2, PWRN1, C15orf2, SNRPN, PAR5,IPW, PAR1 UBE3EA, ATP10A,GABRA5,BARBG3,OCA2, HERC2,APBA2, NDNL2, TJP1

Ok, my head hurts now.

Feeding issues have gotten worse. Although I've been proactive in working with the doctors and seeking help I've been seeing "failure to thrive" documented on some medical records which scares the hell out of me that someone may try to report me for neglect. I know I had the medical documentation of his conditions and all the doctors/therapists we've been seeing, it's still scary.

I don't know why this fear has come on so strong lately, especially since deciding to not seek work for a while to try to get him as much extra care as possible. Even with all the therapists he has seen, none of them could get him to chew either. I feel like a failure having to see the surgeon yesterday to schedule to re-insert the g-tube. Your child fighting meals is one of the most helpless feelings in the world. At least when J is playing around and eating little, I can put an instant breakfast in milk and he will drink it all. Smiley will still only take about 2 oz. of drink per feeding/sitting(although he is progressing somewhat).

My little man is getting physically stronger than me. I need assistance with diapering and bathing because he moves around so much and is extremely flexible in getting out of your grasp. That being said, these times are amusing because he's giggling non-stop while doing all the wiggling. He no longer wants to sit in the tub, but stand and attempt to dive in the water, along with splashing of course. He can also turn the water on if he cans a hand free. Bathtime is the most exhausting chore, but at least he enjoys himself, but mommy is exhausted after.

Sleep is an area he does well in! I put him down, he bounces and babbles a while and then will go to sleep when tired and sleep for the night. This is only if he's in a contained baby bed alone. Put him in real bed beside you, he would be up all night.

Well, if anyone is still reading, thnaks for listening. I know it's probably the pregnancy hormones making me worry so much but feels better and writing it down and letting it out a little.

Growing

2010-03-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

Lets see if I can get these pictures in the right order. I will try to find my 16 week pics and add later. I can't seem to find them now.

12 weeks

20 weeks

24 weeks

Movement

2010-03-11T11:57:00.000-08:00

I think I am feeling the baby move but not sure. It kinda feels like the rolling from my stomach growling, only without the hunger pains. I could be wrong though, but definately feel something.

Half Way There

2010-03-02T08:31:00.001-08:00

20 weeks today! Halfway done.

20 week pics posted below.

Goodbye Basil

2010-02-25T17:25:00.000-08:00

We had to put Basil, our Great Dane to sleep today. He's been suffering, did x-rays at his annual vet visit and he appeared to have bone cancer. He'd been looking pitiful lately. He's been with us almost 6 years, right after we moved in our house.

It's a....

2010-02-17T10:43:00.000-08:00

GIRL!!!

I sugared her up with some juice before the u/s and got to see her moving the first time. Everything looks good. She's measuring on target at 18w2d!

Boy or Girl

2010-02-14T10:52:00.000-08:00

Make your predictions if you would like. Hopefully, will find out Wed.

Foster kids update

2010-02-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

D has finally been placed elsewhere, huge relief.

Princess's mom was reunified with her 4th baby(yes, the one born addicted to meth).

Bubbles was adopted.

Hopefully J's adoption will be finalized in the next few months, then will be at the end of of foster parenting journey.

16 weeks

2010-02-06T13:48:00.001-08:00

Warning, Belly shots below:

Now he wants to take care of his things

2010-01-29T07:51:00.000-08:00

K's unmedicated ADHD got him searched at airport security. They took him to another room, where he met one of the Saints players. He was wearing his jersey he got for Christmas and the guy offered to autograph it. K says, " no thanks I don't wanna mess it up." Of all the times to finally want to take care of his things after all the things he's destroyed in the almost 3 years he's lived with us. Go figure!

In baby news, I guess no news is good news. 16 week appointment is Wed. Will keep you posted.

I also had opportunity to go to superbowl, but travel arrangements and 4 kids kinda prevented it!

Superbowl

2010-01-25T07:46:00.000-08:00

Two miracles in the last few months:

Nov. 20: I found out I was pregnant

Jan 24: The Saints are on their way to the superbowl!

The state is going to be doing lots of partying, so have some champagne for me!

It's a Baby!

2010-01-09T11:41:00.000-08:00

12 week ultrasound photo

12 week checkup

2010-01-06T17:50:00.000-08:00

I had my 12week checkup and everything looks good. Video is trying to upload to f@cebook now as I type this. L took it, didn't zoom in, but still can see pretty good.

I am RH negative, so will have to get a shot around 28 weeks. I haven't gained weight, but didn't really notice a change in my eating habits, so will have to work on that I guess. Everything else looks good, except the fact I lost my job(laid off), but forcing me to be the SAHM I always wanted to be.

Ticked off

2009-12-30T18:02:00.000-08:00

What part of "no company when I'm not home" doesn't D understand. Not only is there an extra teenager at my house, but teenager with a record. Then they proceed to make K cook for them, drink 2-3 12 packs of drinks, eat 2 dozen eggs and completely clean out my pantry in a matter of a few hours.

I know boys will eat, but I specifically said no visitors, especially this boy who can't seem to stay out of trouble and I already am having hard enough time keeping K in line without all this!

9 weeks

2009-12-16T16:19:00.000-08:00

My pants are starting to get snug, but I think that's because hubby doesn't want me going to exercise classes at the gym anymore. Doctor says it's fine, but he's scared. I am uncomfortable sleeping on my stomach, even though it hasn't grown. So far, no morning sickness, so very relieved considering when I throw up, I usually faint each time. As I think of all these little things, I smile and thank God for this miracle!

Restless

2009-12-12T15:04:00.000-08:00

I'm still so excited I'm restless. I am already completely in love, and dreaming about the baby(it's always a girl in my dreams, but really just want a healthy baby no one can take away.

I thought waiting 7 more months would be nothing compared to the previous waiting, but dragging by, so trying to keep myself occupied. Next appointment will be at 12 weeks.

I will keep you posted, but hoping for uneventful next 7 months.

We Have a Heartbeat

2009-12-08T16:25:00.000-08:00

Baby's heart is beating measuring 7w3d. Thanks for all the prayers.

Tomorrow

2009-12-07T16:40:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

Thank you for the blessing of this pregnancy. I know you have a plan, but could you please give me some reassurance tomorrow and let me see two weeks of growth in my baby and a heartbeat? I just want to be able to relax and be excited.

Postponed appointment

2009-12-01T17:35:00.000-08:00

For those of you who didn't read all my comments, I rescheduled the dr. appt until Tues. 12/8 for a few reasons:

1. I'm chicken and no news is good news

2. I'm super busy at work anyway this week.

3. I wanna give the kid a couple weeks to grow.

Will keep you updated. Until then, just trusting in God that he didn't let me get this far for nothing.

Heartbeat

2009-11-24T18:02:00.001-08:00

Went in for ultrasound today. Sac measured 5w4d by size. They did not see a heartbeat yet(which concerned my dr a little), so did another HCG blood test. Level increased from 2805 Thursday afternoon to 19,000 something today, so something's gotta be going good right? Tuesday will go back. Pray for a heartbeat on Tuesday please.

Disbelief

2009-11-20T17:26:00.000-08:00

HPT: positive
HCG: 2508
5 weeks 4 days

Prayers please!

Late

2009-11-11T17:21:00.001-08:00

Why do I even think that means something?

Prayers Please

2009-10-24T11:21:00.000-07:00

My former foster daughter is pregnant. She wanted to give it up for adoption to us but the pregnancy is eptopic.

She refused to take the medication for it to pass. I know this can be life threatening, so worried for her.

Am I correct in assuming with an eptopic pregnancy there is no possible way for the baby to grow and survive? Risking mom's life will not save the baby right?

I just want all the facts because if I have the opportunity to talk to her I want to be correct in advice. I would never be one to talk someone out of a pregnancy risky to their health, but I am afraid in this case there's nothing to save the baby.

I admire her faith in this. Monday morning doctors will perform surgery if it hasn't passed.

If you follow me on facebook, PLEASE do not bring this issue there because I want her confidentiality protected. I just needed to share somewhere to get the worry off my chest.

Would you like to follow me?

2009-09-27T09:57:00.001-07:00

to F@cebook. If anyone is still here, email me, introduce yourself and I will give you my name to be my friend. I may blog from time to time, but spending more time there lately. No new updates, kids are doing fine. Email me at lhotard79 at yahoo dot com.

Made it Back

2009-09-13T09:01:00.001-07:00

Had(still have I think) another computer virus and was blocking me from logging on blogger.

Also, started and now addicted to f@cebook, so been hanging out there a while.

Kids are fine.

Smiley is walking all over the place and J is talking up a storm.

Since teaching didn't work out, attempting to commit to working with lifeteen at church, assuming foster parent drama doesn't interfere too much.

I'll catch up more later.

You know you're a coon a$$ when...

2009-08-12T17:32:00.000-07:00

You can pull your boat with your riding lawn mower.

You modify the tires for this lawn mower when it gets stuck in the mud pulling the boat.

You can also successfully launch a boat on your lawn mower.

This is a true story from D. And I thought we lived in cajun country.

What I would have gave to have been driving down the road to witness this.

Who says teenage foster kids aren't any fun.

Please Vote

2009-08-06T16:50:00.000-07:00

1.

2.

3.

4.

Tell me which one you like, then I'll tell you which ones I'm considering. That's if my husband agrees. He's not crazy about tattoos, so I will consider his wishes also.

Tattoo ideas

2009-08-04T17:17:00.000-07:00

I've been considering getting a tattoo(well a second one) to represent Princess' memory. Any ideas? It sounds silly, but I don't want her name, just something to symbolize her, something feminine. Email pictures if you find some good ones.

Virus

2009-07-30T17:36:00.001-07:00

I've been away a while because my virus protection quarantined a virus, but my computer was acting funny for a while. Fingers crossed that it fixed itself.

Ok, Ok, I admit. My sister also has me hooked on another vampire book series, so I've also been a book nerd.

Anyway, a few new things:

-Smiley's mom called. Baby is a month old now and she, dad and baby just went back to her house. In other words, grandma was caring for baby,but now they are on their own. I didn't talk to long because there are times I have the patience with her and times I don't, and I was coming out of a long day that day.

-J is in adoptions. 28 kids ahead of him so it will be at least a year.

-Nothing new on Bubbles, but didn't really expect anything to come of it.

-I hate to even mention it for fear of it not happening, but there's the possibility of a 7 month old girl placement. She is staying with J's sister's foster family and lady is already overloaded with kids and said she was going to let her go. Cw wants to wait til after the court hearing in Aug. to make sure she remains in care. Supervisor of this region is someone we're close to because she got the job after witch supervisor during Princess' funeral made an a$$ of herself. Judges in this region don't play with the parents either. I actually got to cuddle this little one for about an hour during a sibling visit and is sweet as can be.

-I'm back TTC, but not optimistic about it, but figure why not give it another shot?

A Few Things

2009-07-12T15:12:00.000-07:00

Not much has been going on. I am at a point, blessed not to have to deal with any crazy bio parents at the moment, so it's relatively drama free(and hope it stays that way). D's family calls his cell phone once in a while, but are not making an effort to get him home at the moment. They asked if he was happy where he was, he said yeah, and that's about all the effort so far.

I haven't heard anything from Smiley's mom since she left the hospital. I attended his sister's b-day party and spoke to grandma and she said mom and baby would be staying with her for a while. I feel a little better since grandma can keep the baby safe, but I don't really believe they will be staying there long. Grandma adopted his sisters and mom is not supposed to be living with them. Also, grandma and husband are just getting back together and I don't think she can care for the baby long. She told us she definately can not take custody of the baby and asked us if we still could, and we said yes. So, if the judge feels the baby cannot live with her, she will ask them to place with us. If they refuse, she will call us and we will step in.

I know it sounds bad and she hasn't(at least I don't think) done anything dangerous yet, her mental status has not changed. She was telling me at the hospital that the nurse said she should feed the baby every 2 hours or so and she told me she told the nurse she doesn't believe in waking a sleeping baby. She also had been trying to give him water at the hospital and the nurse told him not to, but she didn't think anything was wrong.

Bio mom gets aggressive when people tell her what to do, so I tried to gently explain that the nurses know what they are doing and to follow their advice for her baby. The good thing is, she usually listens to me, because I try to treat her with respect as much as possible. The bad thing is, she doesn't remember what I told her a couple days after I told her.

So far my job is going good and hope it continues. Sorry I've been away so long. Hopefully, now that I'm done teaching, I'll have more time to catch up with all of you, but I hope some of you are still hanging around.

Oh yeah, then there's Bella who just had to have orthopedic surgery on her let. Now, we must attempt to keep a very ADHD puppy still for about a month.

The Rest of My Weekend

2009-06-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

It never ends. Poor Bella!

Surprise!

2009-06-26T19:40:00.000-07:00

Smiley's little brother arrived at 3:41 this morning. 6 lbs 11 oz, appears to be completely healthy.

I went to visit tonight after work, bringing Smiley of course, so she could visit with him a little. Baby is precious. Yes, I have pictures, but can't post, but looks like your typical newborn baby boy. I got a good pic of bio mom with Smiley(he actually held still for the picture). I'll probably bring it by tomorrow, because I'm a sucker for babies, will have to visit again. Need to pick up small gift.

Teased

2009-06-25T18:34:00.000-07:00

Bubbles mom called L again today.

Here we go again.....

Judge supposedly said they could keep the new baby if they signed away rights to the other two. They said they'd only sign away rights to us. The judge said he respected that. I know...sounds fishy and I'm sure nothing will come of it but mom says be ready in case judge wants to see us in court to make sure we will take them.

I mean, I'd be overjoyed to have her back, but tired of this little hope then nothing. I'm gonna try not to think too much of it and put it in God's hands because only He knows what is best for everyone.

A Visit From an Angel

2009-06-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

Note: I know I usually journal about Princess on my other blog, but wanted to share something here. If you have lost a child and having a bad day, you may want to skip for now(although the dream was happy for me).

____________________________________________________________________________________

What would you do if there was someone you loved more than life itself and, and one day you find out you will never be able to see them again?

How would you cope? Would you scream and holler? Be angry at God? Would you burst into tears until you run out of tears to cry?

Or maybe you would react like I did: become numb and convince yourself it didn't really happen. Did you know that some pains are so bad you go into shock and feel numb?

You go through the motions with some support at the funeral then your on your own. While you know you have to let go of that child, you still want to keep her alive in her memories, so you share with others how wonderful she was....

but they don't want to listen...they change the subject.

Well, I can never again see my Princess, except in my dreams. Last night I had the most beautiful dream about Princess.

In most of my dreams about Princess, I know she is dead, and I know I am dreaming. Last night was so real.

Hubby and I were at the doctor's office for the kids(not sure why). He stepped out of the room and when he came back he was carrying Princess and he placed her into my arms.

I burst into hysterical sobs of happiness. She smiled at me with a mouth full of teeth.

"I thought she died", I asked L.

Somehow in this dream, she somehow survived and was returned to us.

Next I remember bringing her to visit everyone at my dad's work with such joy of my little miracle.

I soon woke up, and was brought back to reality.

I kinda felt a glimpse of what our renuion might be like in heaven.

Little Brother

2009-06-14T11:38:00.001-07:00

Smiley's little brother is coming July 7 by C-section, assuming he doesn't decide to come earlier. Doctor says everything looks fine. His mom wants us to come visit, so probably will after work that day.

Employed

2009-06-10T16:49:00.000-07:00

I got a new job! I will be controller of a local company that owns a bunch of franchises. Yes, I will lose my summer break, and desperately miss teaching. What good were all the days off when I had so much work to bring home and no family time. That and the year to year contracts and the school being able to let you go with no good reason.

I have the rest of the week in some freedom, then back to the 8-5 routine.

Everyone has a photographic memory..

2009-06-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

but some of us don't have any film.

Neither did my camera for:
- J's last visit with his siblings(official visit, of course we will still keep in contact.
- My 30th B-day party yesterday(though I'm officially 30 tomorrow) which was a Tw*light theme (I felt like a kid again! It was great), so I can't show you any pictures of my cake. I really hope someone else took a picture of the cake.

Boy, do I feel stupid.

And to think I felt smart using the old fashioned film camera so I didn't get the blur of the kids moving that I get from my digital camera. I got sick of taking tons of pictures and most being blurred. I tested to see if there was film by taking a picture and watching the numbers advance. Apparantly, it does this without film and it's been so long since using a regular camera, I forgot.

I wish I could say that was the only time I "took pictures" without the film, but I would be lying. Guess the brain goes at 30(ok, you're right, I have these moments reguraly). At least I'm gonna turn 30. My dad was 29 for ten years.

Anyway,the party was great. It was supposed to be a surprise party, but I was suspecting something when my husband kept talking about ignoring all the cars in my mom's driveway because of a tupperware party, but I was excited because it meant I was going to see great friends and lots of family I haven't seen in a while. The turnout was great. Runergirl (Tipped Uterus) another blogger, and my roomate from college was there who I haven't seen in months. Lots of babies and toddlers to adore and give kisses to.

In other news, I had a job interview Thursday with a company that owns a lot of local franchises. It's a controller position, so not teacher related, but would be employment without taking work home. Also, my possible future boss is a CPA, so I would work there a year and I could finally get licensed. They will pay for my license, continuing education, pay me to go to CE,travel expenses for CE, and professional organization dues like A*CPA! The interview lasted over an hour with detailed info about the job. I should know something within a week.

I'm kinda excited, but a bit upset I'll be cheated out of my summer break I worked so hard for. At least we have a short vacation coming up next month.

Oh yeah, K's adoption will be finalized June 25!

I thought something smelled funny

2009-05-26T14:30:00.000-07:00

It turns out the 6th grade teacher at my school couldn't handle the 6th grade students because they were sassy, so she wanted to moved to a lower grade... Guess whose position she is getting? I wish the worst I could say for my 4th graders were that they were sassy. I'm not meaning to be ugly to my kids, cause I love them, just saying they're a challenge. Anyway, I can't keep a couple students(who have done NOTHING all year) engaged, I get booted, then they replace me with a 6th grade teacher who can't handle her students....makes a lot of sense huh? The other 4th grade teachers are a bit ticked too because they know how hard I worked and how much I contributed.

That being said, gonna look for work elsewhere in the area, even resorting back to accounting. I can attend summer workshops for a little extra money. Hopefully, this will help later when I am without health insurance!

Some good things: Got the pool ready and remembered what a joy it is to bring Smiley swimming. J is starting to tolerate the pool this year and maybe enjoying it a little too.

Well, back to job hunting for me. It would be nice to catch a break once in a while.

Family of 6

2009-05-13T18:56:00.000-07:00

D is back (14 yr old boy we took for the weekend). He wasn't happy in his other foster home, so he will be staying with us for a while. He seems like a good kid, no abuse problems, just lack of parental supervision(no supervision) at home.

Threat

2009-05-01T16:45:00.000-07:00

There was a bomb threat today at all the schools in our area. To make things worse, daycare decides to take advantage of the situation to get a day off. I couldn't leave K with the kids all day, so got a half day off. Of course, it was kinda nice in a way to have a little time off. I only had 4 kids in my class when I left. They should have cancelled school, but I guess its better not to have to make it up like we did for all the hurricane days missed.

For those who asked, yes we are adopting J.

When school ends, the teenager we took for the weekend is coming to stay with us for a while D.

Smiley's mom is due in July, and think I've convinced my husband to let me accept the baby as a placement if he comes into care.

On the job front, there doesn't appear to be any openings at this time, so it looks like I'm either going to have to take the year off or give up teaching(which I love) to go back into the business field for employment.

I'm so looking forward to the summer and we've been promising ourselves to a vaction and hope to follow through on it this time.

Rice

2009-04-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

I was feeing J last night(who is now freed for adoption, btw) and Smiley was pulling on my arm like he wanted some. It was rice and gravy from a gumbo. I figured I'd stick it in his mouth and he would gag as usual. To my surprise he swallowed it(no gagging)and wanted more! He ate about 15-20 baby spoon sized bites of rice! I hope this continues. Just think of the calories I could get into him if he eats rice and gravy more often.

Such small things to give me joy!

My Miracle Baby

2009-04-15T10:30:00.001-07:00

I finally got to speak to a new geneticist to find first hand info about Smiley's genetic issues. Sorry if this is difficult to follow, but I will explain as best as I can:
1. There is no other documented case like Smileys.
2. On Chromosome 15, he should have a pair of two chromosomes. One piece of the chromosome was copied twice(4 copies of that piece) and another part was copied once (3 copies instead of 2)
3. The genes affected explain the developmental delays, low weight, small head, and nonverbal. One of these genes is reponsible for Angelman syndrome, so he may have some of the characteristics, but in Angelman, a piece of the chromosome was deleted, his part was triplicated.
4. He beat the odds that he is here with us today. The egg with the chromosomal defect should not have been able to fertilize. bio mom normally would miscarry early on, have a still birth and he would have died the first year of life. It is a miracle that he escaped heart complications and kidney problems normally experienced by similiar children. His lifespan should not be significantly shortened.
5. I asked him what to expect developmentally and there are no positive answers obviously, but asked what I should expect based on similar cases: He will need to be cared for the rest of his life. He will probably have severe/profound mental retardation. He should walk but probably will not potty train or talk/communicate. He will probably always be a baby/toddler.

He was a wonderful doctor, very positive. I had to kinda pry to get more realistic information. I'm not ashamed, but I want a realistic picture of what to expect. I need to plan for the future since it is likely he will outlive us. I have to figure out who will care for them when we are no longer around.

The doctor asked how I was taking in the news. I told him it wasn't a lot I hadn't expected, but good to know what was causing his problems and what to realistically expect.

Job Searching

2009-04-04T10:53:00.001-07:00

They will not have enough positions for me at school next year. That and my evaluations not being great(getting marked bad because some of my students do not want to work), I find myself again searching for another position next year. It's so frustrating, because I know in my heart teaching is where I belong, but had such bad luck so far. I think the main problem is I'm not a good match for the age group I'm currently teaching. I work better with the younger ones.

In other news, we have a new teenage boy staying with us for the weekend. He's K's age and a real sweet kid. If I weren't having all the issues with K, we'd probably keep him longer. They have a family willing to keep him Monday that lives in his area and he won't have to change schools. I think I'll leave him our numbers in case he needs something later.

Testing

2009-04-01T15:32:00.000-07:00

Just peeping in real quick to say hi. My fourth graders are LEAP testing this week to make it to the next grade. We were cooped up in the classroom all day with no break except lunch. Poor kids(and me). I was going stirr crazy so I know my 9 and 10 year olds had to be going insane.

J's TPR hearing is April 13.

Smiley's mom is having a boy(and I am begging L to let me take it if it comes into care).

Smiley is singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little star(doesn't pronounce the words, but definately has the tune).

I miss everyone here and will try to be back soon.

Bye Bye Buddy

2009-03-07T11:22:00.000-08:00

With the week I'm having, I wake up this morning to find my cat Buddy dead. This sucks. He was L and my first pet together. After almost 6 years, he never did outgrow the kitten stage. He also played fetch. A one-of-a-kind pet. I guess I should be thankful the little ones are still too little to understand.

Scooter (Updated)

2009-02-28T09:43:00.000-08:00

Scooter was our 2nd foster child. He was two, came to us when mom abandoned him at a babysitter's. Dad promptly showed up from out of state and the 72 hour hearing, but judge wanted to check him out first, so he stayed with us about a month, and reunited with his dad.

Anyway, Scooter's uncle, who lives in town invited us to his wedding this afternoon, so I get to go see my little man today! I honestly hope he doesn't remember me though, but it will be nice to see how he's doing. Hard to believe he's almost 5 now!

Other than that I've been busy with school, taking two classes plus teaching full time. I will try to update more as soon as I can. I hope I still have some of you coming by to visit. Been missing everyone.

Updated:

Well, Scooter didn't remember us, so that was great, so he should have no memory of being in foster care. Got hugs from dad and dad's girlfriend. He is doing great, some problems with tantrums in school and still wants to eat all the time. Dad also has another special needs child so we have something in common too. I know I got attached to him at the time, but it's so refreshing to see happy endings for some of these kids.

Ultrasound

2009-02-08T14:45:00.000-08:00

Smiley's mom has invited us to her 4D ultrasound in a couple weeks and said she would give us pictures. Do you think I should go? I really wish there was a way to work out an open adoption rather than seeing her fight with the foster care system again. Like I said before, her mental ability to care for a baby has not changed. It just depends on whether dad can care for it, get and keep a job, and maintain suitable housing. This was the same boyfriend who has been around since Smiley's birth. I'm really not "hoping" it will get taken, just preparing in case based on evidence of her past and the fact they have both barely been able to provide for themselves the past 3 years without grandma's assistance.

We're also seeing a new geneticist and starting over so we can get first hand information. Bio mom has been generous with pregnancy info on Smiley and willing to come along for testing. It may be a bit of a hassle, but at least the doctor would have as much info as possible. It's kinda nice that our relationship has improved since the adoption was finalized. I never thought I'd have an open adoption, but it's harder than you think to just pretend he doesn't have another mom, especially since she's no danger as long as she's not alone to do something negligent. I guess it's just easier now that contact and visitation is at my discretion and there is no more court dates to worry about.

Boys

2009-02-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

It's past time for some pictures. I may take them down later, so have a quick look.

Smiley

Smiley

J, K, and Smiley

J

Smiley and me

Got to run, Smiley's screaming.

Adoption is such a wonderful blessing from God!

Back on the Roller Coaster

2009-01-24T18:12:00.000-08:00

I dreamt I was pregnant twice last week. It's awful because the whole time I'm not believing it's true. Then I wake up. There are times I thought I could let this go, but I'm not sure if it's just the fear of me getting older, or the fear of me not getting to adopt another baby.

I'm considering talking to my doctor about getting the endometriosis under control as much as possible and maybe doing some fertility treatments over the summer. Dr. Quack has a new partner, so I may try him.

I guess I didn't expect it to take so long to get another placement. With the new judge, even if I were placed with Smiley's moms new baby, it would probably take years. That also means I'd be afraid to accept any placements in our parish. That leaves only the parish princess is from for us to have a chance and the last call I got from them was for weekend respite for a sick 8 month old(which we did).

I'm so thankful that we were able to adopt Smiley. I think I'd have gone nuts if I didn't have at least one adoption finalized after having 10 kids in and out of our home.

K's adoption should be finalized by next month. I see military school in his future. I told him I want him to go and learn to be a man. I think the structure will be good for him. The judge seems willing to offer support after the adoption, so I'm praying he does, because he will need it.

School is rough. I'm getting better at classroom management but still having a hard time with about 6 student who don't want to put any effort forward. Of course, this is MY fault. I do love my job though. It's just frustrating when you can't reach them all.

Bubbles

2009-01-16T18:42:00.001-08:00

I know...I just can't let her go.

Bio moms' rights were terminated to mental illness. Bubbles and brother are being returned (this time the judge has ruled it, no longer speculation) to bio dad. If they get married, mom's rights get reinstated. If "dad's" anger is taken out of one of the babies, the clock starts over if they go into foster care again(which will make Bubbles' third time). Mom did say we could visit, and I'll likely see them around town. I just pray for her safety. A new judge has taken over and doesn't believe in TPR.

Smiley's mom is having just one baby and will find out the sex in a couple months. She wants us to bring Smiley to see the baby in the hospital when it's born.

Smiley is definately trying to sing itsy bitsy spider. I can't make out the words, but I hear the tune and see most of the hand motions. He's taking about 6-8 steps at a time.

J is talking and mimicing more. He is doing lots of pointing and recognizing things.

Baby on the way

2008-12-28T09:04:00.000-08:00

I'm expecting a new addition by July the latest. We allowed Smiley to visit bio mom and grandma for Christmas. L had a talk with grandma about Smiley's mom's latest pregnancy(still chance of twins, runs in the family). Grandma asked if we were holding an opening for the new baby. He said yes. She was glad because she cannot raise anymore babies(already raising her first two girls). She then told L that there is no way Smiley's mom can care for a baby and the hospital will probably make a call when baby is born and she will call us. Grandma is not happy with daughter pregnant again and not able to care for it.

Things have not changed. Her mental ability remains the same. She does not know she can't take care of a baby. She still believes Smiley can eat things such as french fries when he cannot chew. She also minimizes his medical needs and developmental delays. She believes he will grow out of his disabilities. While all mothers hope for the best, she actually believes all his needs will disappear.

Anyway, what I was getting at was open adoption.

1. How do you feel about an open adoption when parental rights are terminated against mom's wishes(assuming mom poses no danger to the child)?

2. How do you feel about an open adoption when it is a child like Smiley, who does not understand, and may never understand that he has a different mommy that gave birth to him? In other words, should you make an effort at an open adoption for only bio mom's benefit?

3. What about bioligical siblings? Is it better for them to see their sibling once in a while, and miss him most of the time, or a clean break?

I guess what I'm saying is If I'm going to accept this placement, I need to find a good balance between allowing mom some access to her child, but keeping as little confusion for the child as possible. I just feel it would be wrong to completely cut her off after adopting two of her children, but I want them to have as much of a normal life as possible. Smiley doesn't know what's going on, but how would it affect a child who did know what was going on? How would I explain that they cannot stay at her house alone(although she won't hurt them, she's not competent enough to care for them)?

What amount of visits sound reasonable? Smiley usually visits a few times around the holidays, then we usually take a break for a few months, then once every few months.

I just want to do the right thing if I am placed with her new baby.

Couldn't Do it Again

2008-12-20T06:48:00.000-08:00

At first they gave baby girl to another family even though they said we could have her. L stepped on a couple toes and the worker called us(she did say she'd place with us first anyway) and said she was bringing her to us. When worker went to hospital to check her out, he health problems were a LOT more severe than just testing positve for cocaine. "Mom" had also been on meth and TONS of smoking during pregnancy. She had severe heart and lung problems already, not expected to live long and being transferred(probably) soon to Children's. The other family(single mom) still wants her, so please send her love and prayers because I know it's going to be a rough journey for her.

Although I cherish every moment I had with Princess, and I would take HER all over again, knowing what I know now, I just cannot knowingly take another baby that I will likely have to bury. Plus, I now have 2 little ones and would not be able to make to 4 hour round trip to visit her as often with both.

I guess I need to stay out of the way next time and let God do what is best.

P.S. I am SO SORRY it took so long to update. I have been having other "issues" this week, but I'll save it for another post. It's been a long week. There's still Smiley's sibling possibility in July, or possibly Bubbles 2nd baby sibling coming soon. Both moms would ask the babies be placed with us if taken.

New Bundle of Joy?

2008-12-13T08:11:00.001-08:00

We got a call for a newborn girl, cocaine exposed. I know, sounds a little famaliar right. From what the worker said I think we are getting her. She left a message with another family on Fri, but we called back first, so she said we could have her. Then L asked if we could visit her, but they said wait til' Mon. She was born yesterday.

I want to jump with excitement, but so many of our new baby calls didn't work out for us previously. I just have that fear in the back of my mind that they will give her to the other family. I really hope she keeps her word to us. As of yesterday(Friday), she didn't have a name yet. The agency has had previous dealings with this mom so they want an adoptive home.

I'll keep you posted. Please send prayers.

So Unfair

2008-12-04T15:51:00.000-08:00

Smiley's mom is pregnant.

It did take her three years this time so I guess she's one of us now huh? It's possible that I may have a newborn in the next few months. As much as she tries, she just does not have the mental capacity to care for a child. She would ask for us to take it because we treat her well(although there are times I just have to stay my distance from her for a while).

I haven't heard any updates on Princess' mom lately except she's working the caseplan for the new baby. I pray she's staying clean.

Bubbles - Quick update

2008-11-26T16:58:00.000-08:00

L had a long talk with Bubbles' parents. They are going to the judge to request her to be moved back with us. She also said she'd get in touch with us first before they took the new baby. I'm gonna try not to think about it too much and just see what happens. TPR on Bubbles supposedly scheduled this Dec. I'll update if I get any new info.

K is doing great in my school. The classes are smaller and the attitude has been staying at home for the most part and away from school(which is good). He did almost get an expulsion hearing,but he just didn't think about what he was doing when he brought a prescription itching powder to school. We are signing adoption papers and should finalize in 4-6 months. We fight like brother and sister, but we will both make the best of things and try to live with each other. I know it sounds bad, but we are probably his last hope.

I complain about him mostly to relieve stress. This is my place to vent and unless you're taking a teenager and struggling with teenage issues, plus the extra from abuse/neglect, don't judge me. Just because I vent here honestly, doesn't mean I'm not trying to do the best for K and my family. I am dealing with social workers who are basically telling me I'm on my own if he gets expelled from school after the adoption. I have a child who lies and those lies could cost me my entire family at any given moment. I live in fear of what will happen next at school(with 2 suspensions already this year). This is WAY beyond normal teenage issues.

Happy Birthday

2008-10-18T15:14:00.001-07:00

Happy 2nd birthday, my little Princess.

We miss you so much.

Bubbles Home

2008-10-16T16:21:00.001-07:00

L saw her yesterday with her mom at the store. She was FILTHY. Mom is about to pop again. Please pray for her. This is the "dad" who went after mom and baby with a gun and both mom and dad recently dealing dr*gs.

All the fighting for nothing.

Baby Steps

2008-10-13T16:51:00.000-07:00

Smiley is definately taking his first steps. He will take about 3 at a time if he gets a good balance. I can't believe it! Just a month before his 3rd birthday and he may start walking soon!

Making Up the Missed Goodbye Kisses

2008-10-06T17:12:00.000-07:00

I had a dream about Princess last night. She was so real. I knew that she had somehow "come back to life" and wasn't supposed to be here. I told myself it wasn't a dream, because it seemed like several days had gone by in the dream. She was so beautiful, happy, and didn't appear sick at all(although I knew she was). I just remember smothering her with kisses, cause even then, I knew she could "die again."

I remember not long after the funeral I longed for a dream of her alive. It was really refreshing to "see" her again. I remember caring about nothing but treasuring every second I had holding her. It's like I was able to give her the goodbye kisses I missed when she went to heaven. How I wish I would have treasured her more. Who ever knew I'd have to say goodbye so soon? If I had only known when she boarded that helicopter it would have been the last time I would tell her goodbye. Such a small, short kiss on the cheek before she left. I thought I'd been spending weeks at the hospital with her...

As I listen to C@rrie Und*rwood's song, "This is Just a Dream", some of those words describe the experience of the funeral so well:
Baby, why'd you leave me,
why'd you have to go,
I was counting on forever,
now I'll never know...

I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE
It's like I'm looking from a distance,
standing in the background

News like this...takes your breath away. It feels like it can't really be happening and you just get numb. Maybe this is why L didn't take little Prince, for fear of reliving this kind of tragedy again.

The Little Things

2008-10-03T19:16:00.000-07:00

I got Smiley's medicine filled and it had his adoptive name on it!

Yes, it's taken almost a year after the adoption for all the paperwork to catch up.

I guess it doesn't take much to thrill me.

I may never be pregnant, but I am still a mommy.

I'm watching my sleeping baby(almost 3) and I think....I could have gotten pregnant, but then I'd never have this:

He may have a lot of challenges ahead, but I wouldn't trade those hugs for anything!

I remember when I wondered if he'd ever crawl. There he is, pulling up and walking around like crazy(holding on to something of course, but still amazing)!

Quck Update

2008-09-28T16:24:00.000-07:00

Anyone still here? Sorry I've been away. With the two hurricanes, there is lots of work to catch up on. School is much better this year, but still lots of new teacher requirements I have to fulfill.

K has been acting better in school, but acting worse for us at home. At least we don't get called by the school as much.

J just made 2 a couple weeks ago. No more babies here. I'm having serious baby fever.

Smiley started tickling me back when I tickle him lately. It's so adorable. He's at the stage now he's incredibly spoiled to mommy. I love it!

I'll try to check back again soon.

Sometimes He Just Surprises Us!

2008-09-12T17:48:00.000-07:00

So far, it is unknown the extent of mental retardation Smiley may/may not have. Sometimes, like tonight he surprises us. I don't know what you think but it definately looks like he is problem solving here:

Inside Smiley's mind:

Hmmm...There has to be a way out of this bed....I got it!

1. Jump and jump real hard until the screws come out.

2. Slip out through the bottom!

3. Watch out! I'm free!

Fish

2008-09-05T11:59:00.001-07:00

L returned home Tues and I followed back on Wed. No significant damage. We got really lucky. We are missing about a week and a half of school and don't return until Wednesday! The only odd thing is there were fish in our yard and pool. Yuck! I'm glad L cleaned them up before I returned.

Wednesday I had the privilege of spending all day in the hospital for a kidney stone. Lots of fun. I almost laughed hysterically when the nurse asked the usual question, "Is there any possibility you could be pregnant?" Yeah, wouldn't that be nice. I guess it passed but didn't see it, but the pain is much better under control now.

Smiley was at Nannas for 4 days, just long enough to get seriously spoiled rotten and has developed a nice case of armitis.

Anyway, did ok for the hurricane and got pretty lucky this time. Especially considering we have power and the phones work most of the time. Still almost no businesses open and gas is extremely hard to find.

Evacuated

2008-08-31T11:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been driven from my home due to the lovely Gustav. Hope to be back soon with everything still in one piece. Everyone is safely away though.